Working parents: when do you get home?

[Anonymous]

I get home about 4:30 and my husband normally works from home but signs off by 4-5 pm every day (then signs back in later) and if he's in the office (maybe once every couple weeks) he is home by 4:30 as well. Husband usually does work after bedtime, I usually don't but start my work day early.

Like anything it depends on what job it is but I can't think of one friend with young kids I know of whose spouse comes home that late regularly so I don't think that is DC culture. Maybe the culture in some law firms and sometimes on the Hill, but other than that. Like if he's working a position on a Committee - sure, I might expect that but it would likely be a temporary position and more expected for that short term.

[Anonymous]

When does he start his day? Can he go in earlier?

[Anonymous]

I believe him that it’s part of his office’s culture, but he does not get to participate in that culture when he has childcare duties at home! Obviously. Unless you and he have agreed otherwise. Staying at work past 8pm is for people without any childcare duties (either because they don’t have young children, most likely, or possibly because their spouse does all the childcare, or maybe because they have one or two nights per week when they work as last as they need to and spouse takes care of kids). You can arrange it however you want to, of course, but you do need to agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get home about 4:30 and my husband normally works from home but signs off by 4-5 pm every day (then signs back in later) and if he's in the office (maybe once every couple weeks) he is home by 4:30 as well. Husband usually does work after bedtime, I usually don't but start my work day early.

Like anything it depends on what job it is but I can't think of one friend with young kids I know of whose spouse comes home that late regularly so I don't think that is DC culture. Maybe the culture in some law firms and sometimes on the Hill, but other than that. Like if he's working a position on a Committee - sure, I might expect that but it would likely be a temporary position and more expected for that short term.

I suspect DH is comparing himself to the childfree people at work, not the other people with young kids.

[Anonymous]

I told dh I was going to lose my mind if he wasn't home at 5:30 (I honestly might- we have 3 kids). So he figures out a way to be home at 5:30pm. We both have very short commutes though; his is under 15 min. He works 7-5:15, so I fail to see how that's not enough time in the office.

My work also has a toxic habit of scheduling late meetings. I'm completely free until 1pm and then it's basically meetings in a row until 5pm.

Can you husband go in earlier?

[Anonymous]

For a toddler and a preschooler, I'd think they need to be in bed at 7:30, not taking their baths. My toddler goes to bed at 7pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home about 4:30 and my husband normally works from home but signs off by 4-5 pm every day (then signs back in later) and if he's in the office (maybe once every couple weeks) he is home by 4:30 as well. Husband usually does work after bedtime, I usually don't but start my work day early.

Like anything it depends on what job it is but I can't think of one friend with young kids I know of whose spouse comes home that late regularly so I don't think that is DC culture. Maybe the culture in some law firms and sometimes on the Hill, but other than that. Like if he's working a position on a Committee - sure, I might expect that but it would likely be a temporary position and more expected for that short term.

I suspect DH is comparing himself to the childfree people at work, not the other people with young kids.

sure but he's not a childfree person, so he needs to adjust his own expectations to meet his family's needs, especially since it isn't working for his partner. I'm the pp and my husband works in an office where he is one of the only people with young children, so I get it. His schedule is a little different than his colleagues and is it possible he will take some probably temporary hits because of that? Sure. For us, it is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home about 4:30 and my husband normally works from home but signs off by 4-5 pm every day (then signs back in later) and if he's in the office (maybe once every couple weeks) he is home by 4:30 as well. Husband usually does work after bedtime, I usually don't but start my work day early.

Like anything it depends on what job it is but I can't think of one friend with young kids I know of whose spouse comes home that late regularly so I don't think that is DC culture. Maybe the culture in some law firms and sometimes on the Hill, but other than that. Like if he's working a position on a Committee - sure, I might expect that but it would likely be a temporary position and more expected for that short term.

I suspect DH is comparing himself to the childfree people at work, not the other people with young kids.

sure but he's not a childfree person, so he needs to adjust his own expectations to meet his family's needs, especially since it isn't working for his partner. I'm the pp and my husband works in an office where he is one of the only people with young children, so I get it. His schedule is a little different than his colleagues and is it possible he will take some probably temporary hits because of that? Sure. For us, it is worth it.

I guess what I should have said is I don't think it is DC culture for parents of young kids to follow the old DC late nights in the office culture. Most people I know work it out with their colleagues and bosses to be home for dinner and bedtime, and then log in later if that is what their job needs.

[Anonymous]

We also work opposite hybrid schedules.

We both finish work at 5 every day. About a 40 min commute for both of us so we’re home at around 5:45. Nearby always by 6.

There is no culture for this that matters at the city level. What matters is the culture of his office, and your priorities. When we had kids, my husband and I were both clear, we were leaving at 5.

What time did he used to leave before kids?

I would work with him to pick a time he’s expected home that works for both of you, and it would for sure be before dinner and bedtime.

If he really feels he needs to put in more hours, can he work until 5, come home, and then get back online at 8 and do a couple hours then?

[Anonymous]

I WFH and always log off at 5 to let our nanny go home unless there's a crisis at work. I log back for a couple hours after the kids (6 and 3) go to bed.

DH has a corporate government affairs job and is usually home by 6:30 but often has work events that can go as late as 9:00. Sometimes he has calls with Asia super late or early in the morning but will usually try to take those from home. He also travels about a week a month. He's compensated well for what he does and loves the work; otherwise, it wouldn't be worth it for our family.

Based on my experience, there are a ton of DC jobs that expect these extended hours - it's certainly a lifestyle choice if you want to do well in that world.

[Anonymous]

We stagger.

DH does morning drop off so I can work 7:30-4
I do pick up at 4:15 so he can work 9-5.

I have the kids home by 4:30, cook dinner, and by 5:30 we're eating together then park or play at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WFH and always log off at 5 to let our nanny go home unless there's a crisis at work. I log back for a couple hours after the kids (6 and 3) go to bed.

DH has a corporate government affairs job and is usually home by 6:30 but often has work events that can go as late as 9:00. Sometimes he has calls with Asia super late or early in the morning but will usually try to take those from home. He also travels about a week a month. He's compensated well for what he does and loves the work; otherwise, it wouldn't be worth it for our family.

Based on my experience, there are a ton of DC jobs that expect these extended hours - it's certainly a lifestyle choice if you want to do well in that world.

I have this job in our household, while my spouse is WFH with a much lighter workload overall. My hours are a frequent point of contention, which is frustrating because I skip as much as I can with young kids at home. I'm supposed to be traveling once a month but I don't, and if I have to take work home, I try to do it when everyone else is sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a toddler and a preschooler, I'd think they need to be in bed at 7:30, not taking their baths. My toddler goes to bed at 7pm.

Similar aged kids and it’s 6 for me (I’m remote) and 7 for my husband. Kids go to bed at 7:45 for the young one and 8 for the older one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home about 4:30 and my husband normally works from home but signs off by 4-5 pm every day (then signs back in later) and if he's in the office (maybe once every couple weeks) he is home by 4:30 as well. Husband usually does work after bedtime, I usually don't but start my work day early.

Like anything it depends on what job it is but I can't think of one friend with young kids I know of whose spouse comes home that late regularly so I don't think that is DC culture. Maybe the culture in some law firms and sometimes on the Hill, but other than that. Like if he's working a position on a Committee - sure, I might expect that but it would likely be a temporary position and more expected for that short term.

I suspect DH is comparing himself to the childfree people at work, not the other people with young kids.

sure but he's not a childfree person, so he needs to adjust his own expectations to meet his family's needs, especially since it isn't working for his partner. I'm the pp and my husband works in an office where he is one of the only people with young children, so I get it. His schedule is a little different than his colleagues and is it possible he will take some probably temporary hits because of that? Sure. For us, it is worth it.

I guess what I should have said is I don't think it is DC culture for parents of young kids to follow the old DC late nights in the office culture. Most people I know work it out with their colleagues and bosses to be home for dinner and bedtime, and then log in later if that is what their job needs.

I agree with this. My male colleagues with young kids are out of pocket starting at 4:30, although they might log back on later. Except for a couple of self-important a**holes who actually aren't more productive, this is common. Even for those who have SAH wives, are in upper management, etc.

[Anonymous]

work 7-3:30 home by 4

H does morning routine, 9-5:30, home at 6.