Working parents: when do you get home?

[Anonymous]

DH leaves around 7 and gets home at 5:30 (but is AWS every other Friday). I leave at 9 and get back at 6:30. It's not ideal but it is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home about 4:30 and my husband normally works from home but signs off by 4-5 pm every day (then signs back in later) and if he's in the office (maybe once every couple weeks) he is home by 4:30 as well. Husband usually does work after bedtime, I usually don't but start my work day early.

Like anything it depends on what job it is but I can't think of one friend with young kids I know of whose spouse comes home that late regularly so I don't think that is DC culture. Maybe the culture in some law firms and sometimes on the Hill, but other than that. Like if he's working a position on a Committee - sure, I might expect that but it would likely be a temporary position and more expected for that short term.

I suspect DH is comparing himself to the childfree people at work, not the other people with young kids.

sure but he's not a childfree person, so he needs to adjust his own expectations to meet his family's needs, especially since it isn't working for his partner. I'm the pp and my husband works in an office where he is one of the only people with young children, so I get it. His schedule is a little different than his colleagues and is it possible he will take some probably temporary hits because of that? Sure. For us, it is worth it.

I guess what I should have said is I don't think it is DC culture for parents of young kids to follow the old DC late nights in the office culture. Most people I know work it out with their colleagues and bosses to be home for dinner and bedtime, and then log in later if that is what their job needs.

I agree with this. My male colleagues with young kids are out of pocket starting at 4:30, although they might log back on later. Except for a couple of self-important a**holes who actually aren't more productive, this is common. Even for those who have SAH wives, are in upper management, etc.

I think this is mostly true. My husband is a partner now so obviously it’s easier but it seems like the face time in the office culture is different even than 7-8 years ago when he was a new associate. He was very concerned all the time about what people would think which was really annoying when we had small kids. My work was all about results and it was hard for me to understand not every work place is like that to the same extent. But honestly I think every where the quality of your work is the most important thing, even if you might get some brownie points for staying late. Everyone should push back against that IMO.

[Anonymous]

DH gets home between 7:15 and 8pm. Starts at 6am. Says it’s the culture. I think it’s a culture of toxicity, if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

During this WFH days does he also work this late?

Regardless, no bueno. He can come home for dinner and log in after bedtime like the rest of us.

Or you guys can agree that each of you gets one day a week off from the evening route, to catch up on work, exercise, socialize with friends/colleagues, whatever.

[Anonymous]

We do opposite hybrid schedules - DH gets home by 4, I usually aim for 7/7:30. Very different office cultures. I have a manager who monitors our in office hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he get overtime? Sounds like he is just taking a little extra “me” time. You should try it on your work days. Hopefully you each allow time to be alone. Maybe he is decompressing.

Yes, maybe try it once per week.

[Anonymous]

Op, what matters most is what’s normal in his specific office. It doesn’t matter when I - a random internet person or my dh - get home. If that’s the norm in their office, then that’s the norm.

There were times when we’d have meetings and work till 5:30-6 and I’d get home by 7. Dh on the other hand gets home usually close to 5 and starts earlier. I would find it really weird and unhelpful if he’d start telling me when my office day should end. And it’s similarly strange and controlling that you’re trying to control when your husband’s job should end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH gets home between 7:15 and 8pm. Starts at 6am. Says it’s the culture. I think it’s a culture of toxicity, if you ask me.

Then you should have a helper from 5-8 every day..

[Anonymous]

3:30 or 4:30

[Anonymous]

My husband works from home, 8-5/5:30ish. Our nanny comes from 7:15 - 4:30, so my husband usually finishes out his work day with our 2 year old. I am at the office usually 9-6 (having the morning to be able to work out and run errands, etc. has been important, hence our nanny coming early), get home around 6:30 and do bedtime, then I sign back online after bedtime until 11 or 12. It's exhausting :-/

[Anonymous]

When we both worked in the office, we were home by 6:00. Now, DH works from home full time and I go into the office for 6 hours a day and work at night for the remaining 2-3. It has worked out great. Thank you Covid.

[Anonymous]

Is it traffic op? My dh doesn’t leave his office (near union station) until at least 7 because he doesn’t want to sit in traffic. It takes him 40+ mins if he leaves earlier than that, but 25 or less if he waits. 15 mins isn’t a big swing in my book but it really stresses dh out so I let it slide since he does wfh most days.

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher and home by 4. My husband owns his own contracting company and is typically home by 4 or earlier. But we live the early morning life, kids are at before care/daycare by 7:30. Sometimes my husband is out of the house by 5am and I do the morning routine by myself.

100% prefer the early morning life to be able to be off earlier. We also go to bed ourselves by 8:30/9 most nights though because we get up so early.

[Anonymous]

Between 6:30 and 8 depending on day. I work in a spa. My clients works rather I stay later and all weekend but I like to see kids in evening. Thankfully husband is currently wfh and we utilize aftercare until he finishes around 5/5:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between 6:30 and 8 depending on day. I work in a spa. My clients works rather I stay later and all weekend but I like to see kids in evening. Thankfully husband is currently wfh and we utilize aftercare until he finishes around 5/5:30.

Typos.

Works=would

I used to work til 9 pre/kids. It was terrible for my love life. I will do one late shift a week but prefer not too. Try to be home by 6/630. I already work part of the weekend. I like to see my family too. Thankfully my partner is supportive and we find time both as individuals and a family to balance the later evenings out. I also was a working solo parent many years while he was building his career on frequent work travel. I appreciate his support now. Covid also helped out family.