Since becoming a mom I binge eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you start to get overwhelmed, acknowledge the feelings, then redirect your behavior to something else, like laundry or read a book or leave the house for a walk. I used binging to numb my emotions but finally figured out how to feel my emotions. It's hard if that has been your coping mechanism. Talk therapy doesn't always work, I have tried it. I just had to grow out of the behavior. Good luck! You are not alone.

Glad someone said this. Sometimes you have to figure it out on your own after reaching a low point. Talking didn’t work for me.

[Anonymous]

I eat pumpkin seeds in shell in order to control the desire to eat more.

[Anonymous]

Make a list of everything that feels like self-care to you that isn't food related. Mine would look like this:

- long shower or a bath (one of the few places in the house where I get to be truly alone)
- reading or listening to genre fiction books (romance, sci fi, detective novels -- it's escapist and easy)
- binge watching the shows my DH doesn't like (Bridgerton, the Morning Show, same deal as with the books)
- crochet, especially easy projects with really pretty yarn -- its meditative and feels productive even if I'm just making another dumb hat no one needs
- going for runs or walks (as with a long shower, it gets me ALONE which is the thing I crave most since becoming a mom)
- taking a barre or yoga class (feels social even if I don't socialize, makes me feel a bit more like who I was before kids, I am picky about where I go because I can't be around some competitive, high-achiever people when I'm in this state)
- organizing a closet or cabinet

Share your list with your spouse and let him know that you need to do some of this stuff a few times a week (ideally daily) to feel right. Build it into your schedule and get him on board. Make it clear that when you ask him to stay with the kids while you do some of this stuff for yourself, it's not about you indulging yourself, it's an essential part of your routine. My DH didn't get this at first. He wanted to evaluate the task and decide if it was "worth" him taking on childcare, and he'd be like "well I'll do it so you can go running but not so you can go read a book at a cafe." Nope. Those are basically the same thing for me -- free time I spend doing what I want or need to do without having to serve someone else's needs for some length of time.

The reason you're binge eating, or that some people drink, is because it's a way to escape without actually going anywhere or even needing to be alone. It's convenient. But it's not serving you. I ran into this problem when I started staying up late every night. It was the only way to get time to myself that wasn't otherwise dedicated to work, kids, or DH. But it was ruining my health and mood and I finally had to find ways to get what I need (escape, alone time) during my actual day, by asking my DH to step up and help make sure I got breaks like he always did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make a list of everything that feels like self-care to you that isn't food related. Mine would look like this:

- long shower or a bath (one of the few places in the house where I get to be truly alone)
- reading or listening to genre fiction books (romance, sci fi, detective novels -- it's escapist and easy)
- binge watching the shows my DH doesn't like (Bridgerton, the Morning Show, same deal as with the books)
- crochet, especially easy projects with really pretty yarn -- its meditative and feels productive even if I'm just making another dumb hat no one needs
- going for runs or walks (as with a long shower, it gets me ALONE which is the thing I crave most since becoming a mom)
- taking a barre or yoga class (feels social even if I don't socialize, makes me feel a bit more like who I was before kids, I am picky about where I go because I can't be around some competitive, high-achiever people when I'm in this state)
- organizing a closet or cabinet

Share your list with your spouse and let him know that you need to do some of this stuff a few times a week (ideally daily) to feel right. Build it into your schedule and get him on board. Make it clear that when you ask him to stay with the kids while you do some of this stuff for yourself, it's not about you indulging yourself, it's an essential part of your routine. My DH didn't get this at first. He wanted to evaluate the task and decide if it was "worth" him taking on childcare, and he'd be like "well I'll do it so you can go running but not so you can go read a book at a cafe." Nope. Those are basically the same thing for me -- free time I spend doing what I want or need to do without having to serve someone else's needs for some length of time.

The reason you're binge eating, or that some people drink, is because it's a way to escape without actually going anywhere or even needing to be alone. It's convenient. But it's not serving you. I ran into this problem when I started staying up late every night. It was the only way to get time to myself that wasn't otherwise dedicated to work, kids, or DH. But it was ruining my health and mood and I finally had to find ways to get what I need (escape, alone time) during my actual day, by asking my DH to step up and help make sure I got breaks like he always did.

Well said! The staying up is my issue and it makes sense now! Thanks for sharing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a list of everything that feels like self-care to you that isn't food related. Mine would look like this:

- long shower or a bath (one of the few places in the house where I get to be truly alone)
- reading or listening to genre fiction books (romance, sci fi, detective novels -- it's escapist and easy)
- binge watching the shows my DH doesn't like (Bridgerton, the Morning Show, same deal as with the books)
- crochet, especially easy projects with really pretty yarn -- its meditative and feels productive even if I'm just making another dumb hat no one needs
- going for runs or walks (as with a long shower, it gets me ALONE which is the thing I crave most since becoming a mom)
- taking a barre or yoga class (feels social even if I don't socialize, makes me feel a bit more like who I was before kids, I am picky about where I go because I can't be around some competitive, high-achiever people when I'm in this state)
- organizing a closet or cabinet

Share your list with your spouse and let him know that you need to do some of this stuff a few times a week (ideally daily) to feel right. Build it into your schedule and get him on board. Make it clear that when you ask him to stay with the kids while you do some of this stuff for yourself, it's not about you indulging yourself, it's an essential part of your routine. My DH didn't get this at first. He wanted to evaluate the task and decide if it was "worth" him taking on childcare, and he'd be like "well I'll do it so you can go running but not so you can go read a book at a cafe." Nope. Those are basically the same thing for me -- free time I spend doing what I want or need to do without having to serve someone else's needs for some length of time.

The reason you're binge eating, or that some people drink, is because it's a way to escape without actually going anywhere or even needing to be alone. It's convenient. But it's not serving you. I ran into this problem when I started staying up late every night. It was the only way to get time to myself that wasn't otherwise dedicated to work, kids, or DH. But it was ruining my health and mood and I finally had to find ways to get what I need (escape, alone time) during my actual day, by asking my DH to step up and help make sure I got breaks like he always did.

Well said! The staying up is my issue and it makes sense now! Thanks for sharing this.

It's called "revenge bedtime procrastination" and it is very, very common for parents but especially moms. I will literally try to force myself to stay awake by putting on action movies or TV shows so that I can sit on the couch and eat chocolate and play games on my computer, just because that feeling of being alone and unbothered is so hard to come by during the day. But if instead I go for a run when DH gets home from work and then take a relaxing shower, while he feeds the kids dinner and hangs out with them, I don't feel the need to do it.

Moms are expected to be on-call 24/7 and it is very destructive to our mental well-being. Especially with young kids. It does get better when they go to school and become a bit more independent, but often moms are still the default parent and there are also a lot of expectations around school and supporting them there. And then when moms do take breaks, people make jokes about it like we are being self-indulgent or silly. It's all really toxic AF. This is why so many moms drink or over-eat or deprive themselves of sleep -- they do not get normal, healthy outlets for relaxing, being alone, or taking care of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my coping mechanism when I cant handle my kids. I’ve known parents who turn to drinking wine or tequila or online shopping. But I’ve found myself binge eating because I don’t drink. What do you do to handle / escape mom meltdown?

I understand many will say therapy but there is no emergency therapy phone line and my own mom is dead. And my closest friend with a child my age never shares the downside or lows of motherhood so I feel alone.

This actually happens to many more people than you would think. I just want you to know you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my coping mechanism when I cant handle my kids. I’ve known parents who turn to drinking wine or tequila or online shopping. But I’ve found myself binge eating because I don’t drink. What do you do to handle / escape mom meltdown?

I understand many will say therapy but there is no emergency therapy phone line and my own mom is dead. And my closest friend with a child my age never shares the downside or lows of motherhood so I feel alone.

This actually happens to many more people than you would think. I just want you to know you’re not alone.

One of my friends had good luck with overeaters anonymous support group.

I'd also look at your sleep patterns. When I'm not getting enough sleep, I crave carbs so badly. There is research that your hormones change when you don't sleep enough so you want to eat more simple sugars and your body doesn't process them the same as a well rested body

Revenge bedtime procrastination is real and can quickly lead to weight gain.

[Anonymous]

The mom meltdown is so real. I don't overeat but I also have bad coping methods at night. I had started getting snippy at bed time (why do they take SO LONG?! GRRR!) and after I reined that in, I realize that I can barely keep it together after they're in bed.

Being a mom is so rough and I didn't realize it would be like this.

To not eat I'd brush my teeth or just take a melatonin or sleeping pill at like 9:30pm. Or just finish your night routine and get in bed early to watch TV on your ipad. I never want to go downstairs and eat when I'm already in bed

[Anonymous]

This is the best thread I’ve read on DCUM in a while. Lots of good, supportive replies here!

[Anonymous]

I drink Red Bull way too much

[Anonymous]

Moms of the post WWII era took Valium or chain smoked. And they weren’t expected to actively parent their kids 24/7.

Be kind to yourself and get your kids helping you as much as possible. Or clean while they are awake and have them follow you pretending to help. Maybe you will feel less fried?

I took weight loss drugs too. They curb the cravings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you start to get overwhelmed, acknowledge the feelings, then redirect your behavior to something else, like laundry or read a book or leave the house for a walk. I used binging to numb my emotions but finally figured out how to feel my emotions. It's hard if that has been your coping mechanism. Talk therapy doesn't always work, I have tried it. I just had to grow out of the behavior. Good luck! You are not alone.

Glad someone said this. Sometimes you have to figure it out on your own after reaching a low point. Talking didn’t work for me.

People treat talk therapy like a panacea and it's not. Sometimes you have concrete issues that need to be solved and a therapist can't do that for you. If the problem is that you feel like everyone in your life is demanding something of you all day long and you never get a chance to just be alone and take care of yourself, going to a therapist to say this might not help, especially if you are already pretty in touch with your feelings and know how to articulate them (and maybe HAVE articulated this to your spouse or others, and been ignored). What you really need is a break, and therapy isn't really a break, it's another obligation and can be stressful and won't necessarily relieve the pressure on you.

Talk therapy can be great but only if the problem is that you have something you need to talk through and work through. Sometimes you've already worked it out, the problem is a practical one of finding a solution within your actual life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the best thread I’ve read on DCUM in a while. Lots of good, supportive replies here!

I agree. Thanks to everyone who has been honest about their experience. I feel a little less alone and enjoy hearing how others have addressed this.

[Anonymous]

I started doing this, too, because eating was the only way that I could get a quick, relaxation fix, without being interrupted. Doing a quick workout, there was no guarantee I would not be interrupted, going to the gym. I always felt like I had to hurry up and come home, indulging in a hobby, etc., I always feel like I’m going to be interrupted. But with eating, I could just eat something yummy and super unhealthy and get my fix. Unfortunately, I still do it to this day with a child who is eight, and I have gained a lot of weight.

[Anonymous]

Drink lemon water and get outside to exercise.