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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Make a list of everything that feels like self-care to you that isn't food related. Mine would look like this:

- long shower or a bath (one of the few places in the house where I get to be truly alone)
- reading or listening to genre fiction books (romance, sci fi, detective novels -- it's escapist and easy)
- binge watching the shows my DH doesn't like (Bridgerton, the Morning Show, same deal as with the books)
- crochet, especially easy projects with really pretty yarn -- its meditative and feels productive even if I'm just making another dumb hat no one needs
- going for runs or walks (as with a long shower, it gets me ALONE which is the thing I crave most since becoming a mom)
- taking a barre or yoga class (feels social even if I don't socialize, makes me feel a bit more like who I was before kids, I am picky about where I go because I can't be around some competitive, high-achiever people when I'm in this state)
- organizing a closet or cabinet

Share your list with your spouse and let him know that you need to do some of this stuff a few times a week (ideally daily) to feel right. Build it into your schedule and get him on board. Make it clear that when you ask him to stay with the kids while you do some of this stuff for yourself, it's not about you indulging yourself, it's an essential part of your routine. My DH didn't get this at first. He wanted to evaluate the task and decide if it was "worth" him taking on childcare, and he'd be like "well I'll do it so you can go running but not so you can go read a book at a cafe." Nope. Those are basically the same thing for me -- free time I spend doing what I want or need to do without having to serve someone else's needs for some length of time.

The reason you're binge eating, or that some people drink, is because it's a way to escape without actually going anywhere or even needing to be alone. It's convenient. But it's not serving you. I ran into this problem when I started staying up late every night. It was the only way to get time to myself that wasn't otherwise dedicated to work, kids, or DH. But it was ruining my health and mood and I finally had to find ways to get what I need (escape, alone time) during my actual day, by asking my DH to step up and help make sure I got breaks like he always did.[/quote]

Well said! The staying up is my issue and it makes sense now! Thanks for sharing this.[/quote]

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