Had a second date planned tonight. She canceled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were supposed to have our second date tonight. I’ve had a crush on this girl for years and our first date went so well, so naturally I was so excited for tonight. We made plans to meet up at 7:30 and she just texted me to cancel. She said her ex contacted her and it really threw her off and didn’t think it would be fair to go out with me tonight with her head swirling. Obviously I’m really bumbed even though I know that’s how dating goes. My issue is, why are you going on dates if you’re not ready to date?? That’s what kind of making irritated. Why even waste my time?

Very TMI to tell you she’s in a tizzy caused by her ex. I’d abort mission and be grateful only this little of your time has been wasted. Your impression is correct, she’s not serious about being ready to date.

Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Most people give some obvious bs excuse or either ghost after one date. She was honest with op and did it in a gentle way. OP mentioned that he has known her for years, so even more of a reason to tell him exactly why. How many posts do we see on here about people having “great” first dates and then are confused and want answers why the person isn’t interested/what happened. OP doesn’t have to wonder. I find her honest very refreshing.

That’s a lovely sentiment but men don’t want to hear, nor take it as respect, honesty about you being in a tizzy over other men. Exhibit A: OP. It’s not any less valid of a reason to cancel a date, but discretion is always prudent. The lack of discretion and is basically a big blazing red “I’m not that into you!” and sign.

The habit of oversharing and porous boundaries are a good reason not to spend years floundering in the friend zone before you date IMO.

[Anonymous]

She's probably got the ex over at her place right now and they're getting frisky. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were supposed to have our second date tonight. I’ve had a crush on this girl for years and our first date went so well, so naturally I was so excited for tonight. We made plans to meet up at 7:30 and she just texted me to cancel. She said her ex contacted her and it really threw her off and didn’t think it would be fair to go out with me tonight with her head swirling. Obviously I’m really bumbed even though I know that’s how dating goes. My issue is, why are you going on dates if you’re not ready to date?? That’s what kind of making irritated. Why even waste my time?

Very TMI to tell you she’s in a tizzy caused by her ex. I’d abort mission and be grateful only this little of your time has been wasted. Your impression is correct, she’s not serious about being ready to date.

Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Most people give some obvious bs excuse or either ghost after one date. She was honest with op and did it in a gentle way. OP mentioned that he has known her for years, so even more of a reason to tell him exactly why. How many posts do we see on here about people having “great” first dates and then are confused and want answers why the person isn’t interested/what happened. OP doesn’t have to wonder. I find her honest very refreshing.

That’s a lovely sentiment but men don’t want to hear, nor take it as respect, honesty about you being in a tizzy over other men. Exhibit A: OP. It’s not any less valid of a reason to cancel a date, but discretion is always prudent. The lack of discretion and is basically a big blazing red “I’m not that into you!” and sign.

The habit of oversharing and porous boundaries are a good reason not to spend years floundering in the friend zone before you date IMO.

You sound like a PUA. Basically, what you’re saying is men (why only men, idk) don’t want honesty. Got it.
Fragile egos shouldn’t deter someone from doing the right thing; being honest.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but yeah.

She is not emotionally available. At least she was honest, so you do not waste your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were supposed to have our second date tonight. I’ve had a crush on this girl for years and our first date went so well, so naturally I was so excited for tonight. We made plans to meet up at 7:30 and she just texted me to cancel. She said her ex contacted her and it really threw her off and didn’t think it would be fair to go out with me tonight with her head swirling. Obviously I’m really bumbed even though I know that’s how dating goes. My issue is, why are you going on dates if you’re not ready to date?? That’s what kind of making irritated. Why even waste my time?

Very TMI to tell you she’s in a tizzy caused by her ex. I’d abort mission and be grateful only this little of your time has been wasted. Your impression is correct, she’s not serious about being ready to date.

Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Most people give some obvious bs excuse or either ghost after one date. She was honest with op and did it in a gentle way. OP mentioned that he has known her for years, so even more of a reason to tell him exactly why. How many posts do we see on here about people having “great” first dates and then are confused and want answers why the person isn’t interested/what happened. OP doesn’t have to wonder. I find her honest very refreshing.

That’s a lovely sentiment but men don’t want to hear, nor take it as respect, honesty about you being in a tizzy over other men. Exhibit A: OP. It’s not any less valid of a reason to cancel a date, but discretion is always prudent. The lack of discretion and is basically a big blazing red “I’m not that into you!” and sign.

The habit of oversharing and porous boundaries are a good reason not to spend years floundering in the friend zone before you date IMO.

You sound like a PUA. Basically, what you’re saying is men (why only men, idk) don’t want honesty. Got it.
Fragile egos shouldn’t deter someone from doing the right thing; being honest.

The honest thing is, something came up and I can’t make it tonight but [I’d love to connect again next week] or [I need some time before I’m ready to continue seeing each other]. Nobody male or female needs to know all the details when you’ve only been on *one* date. T. M. I.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll. No
Man says I was so excited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll. No
Man says I was so excited.

OMG now men can’t even say they’re excited about something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were supposed to have our second date tonight. I’ve had a crush on this girl for years and our first date went so well, so naturally I was so excited for tonight. We made plans to meet up at 7:30 and she just texted me to cancel. She said her ex contacted her and it really threw her off and didn’t think it would be fair to go out with me tonight with her head swirling. Obviously I’m really bumbed even though I know that’s how dating goes. My issue is, why are you going on dates if you’re not ready to date?? That’s what kind of making irritated. Why even waste my time?

Very TMI to tell you she’s in a tizzy caused by her ex. I’d abort mission and be grateful only this little of your time has been wasted. Your impression is correct, she’s not serious about being ready to date.

Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Most people give some obvious bs excuse or either ghost after one date. She was honest with op and did it in a gentle way. OP mentioned that he has known her for years, so even more of a reason to tell him exactly why. How many posts do we see on here about people having “great” first dates and then are confused and want answers why the person isn’t interested/what happened. OP doesn’t have to wonder. I find her honest very refreshing.

That’s a lovely sentiment but men don’t want to hear, nor take it as respect, honesty about you being in a tizzy over other men. Exhibit A: OP. It’s not any less valid of a reason to cancel a date, but discretion is always prudent. The lack of discretion and is basically a big blazing red “I’m not that into you!” and sign.

The habit of oversharing and porous boundaries are a good reason not to spend years floundering in the friend zone before you date IMO.

You sound like a PUA. Basically, what you’re saying is men (why only men, idk) don’t want honesty. Got it.
Fragile egos shouldn’t deter someone from doing the right thing; being honest.

The honest thing is, something came up and I can’t make it tonight but [I’d love to connect again next week] or [I need some time before I’m ready to continue seeing each other]. Nobody male or female needs to know all the details when you’ve only been on *one* date. T. M. I.

She clearly doesn’t want to see OP again so why breadcrumb it to draw out the inevitable? No, what you want is someone who soften the blow to a fragile ego.

As a woman, I can tell you neither one of those responses would be enough to shut down a man who is genuinely interested because a lot of men would take that as “well she didn’t say no”. She told OP exactly what was going on to bring it to a full stop. She wasn’t rude. She didn’t lie. She isn’t interested and was honest with him and didn’t lead him on and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were supposed to have our second date tonight. I’ve had a crush on this girl for years and our first date went so well, so naturally I was so excited for tonight. We made plans to meet up at 7:30 and she just texted me to cancel. She said her ex contacted her and it really threw her off and didn’t think it would be fair to go out with me tonight with her head swirling. Obviously I’m really bumbed even though I know that’s how dating goes. My issue is, why are you going on dates if you’re not ready to date?? That’s what kind of making irritated. Why even waste my time?

Very TMI to tell you she’s in a tizzy caused by her ex. I’d abort mission and be grateful only this little of your time has been wasted. Your impression is correct, she’s not serious about being ready to date.

Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Most people give some obvious bs excuse or either ghost after one date. She was honest with op and did it in a gentle way. OP mentioned that he has known her for years, so even more of a reason to tell him exactly why. How many posts do we see on here about people having “great” first dates and then are confused and want answers why the person isn’t interested/what happened. OP doesn’t have to wonder. I find her honest very refreshing.

That’s a lovely sentiment but men don’t want to hear, nor take it as respect, honesty about you being in a tizzy over other men. Exhibit A: OP. It’s not any less valid of a reason to cancel a date, but discretion is always prudent. The lack of discretion and is basically a big blazing red “I’m not that into you!” and sign.

The habit of oversharing and porous boundaries are a good reason not to spend years floundering in the friend zone before you date IMO.

You sound like a PUA. Basically, what you’re saying is men (why only men, idk) don’t want honesty. Got it.
Fragile egos shouldn’t deter someone from doing the right thing; being honest.

The honest thing is, something came up and I can’t make it tonight but [I’d love to connect again next week] or [I need some time before I’m ready to continue seeing each other]. Nobody male or female needs to know all the details when you’ve only been on *one* date. T. M. I.

She clearly doesn’t want to see OP again so why breadcrumb it to draw out the inevitable? No, what you want is someone who soften the blow to a fragile ego.

As a woman, I can tell you neither one of those responses would be enough to shut down a man who is genuinely interested because a lot of men would take that as “well she didn’t say no”. She told OP exactly what was going on to bring it to a full stop. She wasn’t rude. She didn’t lie. She isn’t interested and was honest with him and didn’t lead him on and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

But she literally didn’t say no. She said “my head is swirling, I can’t see you tonight”. In what world is that a direct and clear communication that you aren’t interested and this needs to end full stop right now for good? That’s very much still playing coy about what you mean, not some bold act of brazen honesty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were supposed to have our second date tonight. I’ve had a crush on this girl for years and our first date went so well, so naturally I was so excited for tonight. We made plans to meet up at 7:30 and she just texted me to cancel. She said her ex contacted her and it really threw her off and didn’t think it would be fair to go out with me tonight with her head swirling. Obviously I’m really bumbed even though I know that’s how dating goes. My issue is, why are you going on dates if you’re not ready to date?? That’s what kind of making irritated. Why even waste my time?

Very TMI to tell you she’s in a tizzy caused by her ex. I’d abort mission and be grateful only this little of your time has been wasted. Your impression is correct, she’s not serious about being ready to date.

Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Most people give some obvious bs excuse or either ghost after one date. She was honest with op and did it in a gentle way. OP mentioned that he has known her for years, so even more of a reason to tell him exactly why. How many posts do we see on here about people having “great” first dates and then are confused and want answers why the person isn’t interested/what happened. OP doesn’t have to wonder. I find her honest very refreshing.

That’s a lovely sentiment but men don’t want to hear, nor take it as respect, honesty about you being in a tizzy over other men. Exhibit A: OP. It’s not any less valid of a reason to cancel a date, but discretion is always prudent. The lack of discretion and is basically a big blazing red “I’m not that into you!” and sign.

The habit of oversharing and porous boundaries are a good reason not to spend years floundering in the friend zone before you date IMO.

You sound like a PUA. Basically, what you’re saying is men (why only men, idk) don’t want honesty. Got it.
Fragile egos shouldn’t deter someone from doing the right thing; being honest.

The honest thing is, something came up and I can’t make it tonight but [I’d love to connect again next week] or [I need some time before I’m ready to continue seeing each other]. Nobody male or female needs to know all the details when you’ve only been on *one* date. T. M. I.

She clearly doesn’t want to see OP again so why breadcrumb it to draw out the inevitable? No, what you want is someone who soften the blow to a fragile ego.

As a woman, I can tell you neither one of those responses would be enough to shut down a man who is genuinely interested because a lot of men would take that as “well she didn’t say no”. She told OP exactly what was going on to bring it to a full stop. She wasn’t rude. She didn’t lie. She isn’t interested and was honest with him and didn’t lead him on and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

But she literally didn’t say no. She said “my head is swirling, I can’t see you tonight”. In what world is that a direct and clear communication that you aren’t interested and this needs to end full stop right now for good? That’s very much still playing coy about what you mean, not some bold act of brazen honesty.

If someone is still hung up on their ex, so much so she 1)canceled a date 2)said, “it wouldn’t be fair” to OP by going out with him=I’m not interested/ready to date and I’m still hung up on my ex.

[Anonymous]

This is a repost from like last year or something. I'm sure this is common, but 99% sure I've read this exact post on here before.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line, her ex is not her ex. Run away from this one.

[Anonymous]

“ I’ve had a crush on this girl for years ”

Cringe.

You waited for everything to be “just right” and then it still didn’t happen. This is why you don’t get fixated on one person who isn’t available. If you’d dated other women you’d have realized this one wasn’t so special and your sophomoric crush would have evaporated.

[Anonymous]

It jumped out at me that you “had a crush on her for years”. Were you putting your own life on hold just in case she happened to be single? If so, why? Sad and creepy. Did you pounce the minute you heard she was single? A bit predatory.

I’m not her fan for going on a date if she wasn’t ready (you aren’t sushi, op, and she should know if she wanted to date before going out with you), and I’m less of a fan of her for treating someone she had to know really liked her so shabbily. I don’t like that she canceled what seems like an hour before the date all over an ex, if she had wanted to, she could have said “Hey Bob, I met this great guy, I’m going out with him tonight,”, and she didn’t.

I’m also not sure I like you either.
Despite what Hollywood would have us believe, it’s not attractive to have the guy who’s been mooning over us start dating us.. it usually means the guy has serious mental health issues. Fine to get together with a friend if you two both find yourselves single, not fine to half-ass your own life going on dates all while hoping “the one” shows romantic interest.

My hope for you is that you’ll move on from this girl, open your heart and mind to someone who wants to go on a second date with you as badly as you do with her and have a happy life. My final thought for those of you saying “she’s honest”, we have no way to know that. Whoever wrote the OP knows the audience.. “girls can get away with all kinds of stuff, men cannot”. If This was a woman posting about a guy she’d gone out with, these responses would be completely different. We’ve all been here long enough to know how this place rolls.

[Anonymous]

“Let me know if things change”. Done