Practical Advice for the Parents of Rising College Freshman

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid. Entirely. You may need to stay totally on top of them, or not. Assume the former until proven otherwise.

Our older kids school has an option to allow a parent access to the basic academic stuff (schedule, grades/transcript, etc) but not the online course classrooms and stuff, at least as far as I know. And I think that would be too much anyway. And I haven't looked at anything in a year or more..

Some kids want to cut the cord and disappear. Some need to talk to mommy every day...If the former, just keep reminding them to make the right decisions. I text him at least twice a week.

How many meals is a minor issue, get whatever. They will need some cash, if they don't have a PT job, then you'll have to provide it.

If they move off campus, I would avoid signing for anything if at all possible. Especially if there are housemates. First time, the complex (an apt) let him pay the first and last month rent in advance w/o having a cosigner. Just unnecessary liability, imo.

Avoid a car if possible. Its stressful finding out they are 3 states away on a weekend trip with buddies in a car you own..let the buddies drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the applications have been reviewed and my DC is excited about one of his choices and is about to put a deposit on his choice. So now it is time to think about how we manage the practicalities of his college years. I wecome advice on what parents of a new college Freshman should know such as:

How do we decide which meal plan--set number of meals per week, Flex Dollars, or a combination?
My DC will have personal expenses in addition to tuition., books, room and board--how is reasonable for us to contribute and how should we do so
Should we add our son to a credit card?
How do we continue to get access to his academic performance in real time? And Should we?
What other practical advice would you give us?

Professor here.

Meal Plan: if you can afford it, get a larger one first semester and scale back later. The kids are always hungry. Flex dollars are helpful and allow them to switch plans to eat with friends and at different locations (which helps socially).

Personal Expenses: depends. Is this a city or a rural area? Does the campus have amenities? Is your kid someone who wants a hair cut every month and some Chipotle, or he is collecting shoes and likely to pay for friends' food all the time? This is where it helps to talk to other parents. If he ha a summer job, taking a few hundred to college for first semester is a good idea, then you revisit who is purchasing what and how often at the holidays.

Credit Card: Yes. We did this with our young teen for summer camps. Builds credit history and teaches responsibility, so we know it's not an issue. I'd do this now.

Academic Performance: No. It's up to him at this point if he allows your access to bypass FERPA, and honestly, unless he has special needs this is overkill. Kids who are responsible with healthy parents relationships share readily. And in the end, it no longer matters if they get all As. But it matters if they are doing well and getting internships later on, so they can graduate on time and get a job.

Advice: Have a reasonable check in expectation (every weekend, or every Tuesday). Send care packages or Amazon goodies (and include extra for roommates and friends). Give a little cash when you see him. Coordinate with him about visits and don't expect to spend 24/7 with him when you do visit (but do offer to let him bring a friend to a meal if you have more than one meal). Pay for the trips home if you can. Don't over-ask about school, and empathize that adjustment takes time (so less "Are you getting all As?" and "It took me a while to get over the hump of learning how to X. How are you doing with it?" Encourage him to attend class unless he's sick.

[Anonymous]

This is a very helpful set of responses! I have a few additional questions to those made by the OP:

Is there a need for a checking account for a local bank or will an online bank like Ally or Capital One work? (Our DD already has a checking account with Capital One)
My DD has already changed her mind on majors (from one humanities subject to another). Is it a problem to change now?

[Anonymous]

As all of those have said, you will not be able to track their grades real time. If you have a good relationship, your kid will tell you, otherwise, you will get the grades once the semester is done.

My kids have their own debit cards which are attached to their funds from summer jobs etc. I also got them a Bank of America card which I Zelle funds to directly for whatever expenses they need.

Most colleges don't let you formally declare a major until sophomore year so changing is not a problem unless you are changing from one sub school to another (such as engineering to arts and sciences).

Encourage your kids to take a wide variety of classes. Tell them about Ratemyprofessor.com and have them vet the classes they want to take after reading those reviews. My DD did not do that and she got some horrible profs and her grades suffered. Lesson learned.

Last piece of advice, don't be afraid of the Greek system. Alot of people on this board live i fear of it, but it can be a great way to meet people. My kids had no desire to be greek until the got onto campus and now are both involved and love it. Keep your own judgments to yourself on it and let them decide what they want to do, same advice with clubs.

[Anonymous]

College kids do not use cash anymore. Everything is Venmo. They order a pizza with friends, one puts it on their credit card and venmos a payment request to the others to split the cost. They buy or sell a textbook - payment is through venmo. When our kids get cash, they give it to me in exchange for Venmo (or a check) since they have online banks and no ability to deposit cash. No need to get a local bank either.

[Anonymous]

For practical advice, I will share what I did for our DD re: medical supplies. I stressed to DD that I wanted her to avoid taking anything medications provided by any of her friends since we couldn't be sure of provenance. So I prepared one fairly comprehensive medical kit that was intended to treat common aches and pain, fever, stomach upset, nicks and cuts, allergies, etc. I then prepared a second kit that was intended for minor sports injuries and potentially serious scenarios. This kit included ace bandages, cold packs and the like. It also included naloxone, potassium iodide, COVID tests, pulse oximeter and the like.

[Anonymous]

Potassium Iodide?

Now that is preparing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the applications have been reviewed and my DC is excited about one of his choices and is about to put a deposit on his choice. So now it is time to think about how we manage the practicalities of his college years. I wecome advice on what parents of a new college Freshman should know such as:

How do we decide which meal plan--set number of meals per week, Flex Dollars, or a combination?
My DC will have personal expenses in addition to tuition., books, room and board--how is reasonable for us to contribute and how should we do so
Should we add our son to a credit card?
How do we continue to get access to his academic performance in real time? And Should we?
What other practical advice would you give us?

For meal plan, how much does he eat? If athlete/alot, go for full 21 plan. If kid is unlikely to make it for breakfast or wants to use points on cafes etc, do one with more flexibility. Many campuses require a certain level of meal plan for freshmen, but there should be a few options.

Ours hasn't gotten a cc yet. Uses bank card, and it's been fine, but she should apply for her own in the next year or so just to start building credit.

Academic performance is his business, even if you are paying the bills. Advisors, profs, deans will not talk to parents about it. If you want info, ask your kid!

Other advice: shop for dorm stuff before August! I kept an eye on Amazon for xl sheets, mattress top, kettle, etc through spring and got some good deals in spring. Target folding chair was super cheap in July and gone in Aug. Avoid the closest Target or Walmart on move in weekend. Or, order ahead for pick up.

Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Add Plan B to your DD's medical essentials https://www.amazon.com/Plan-B-369536162881-Emergency-Contraceptive/dp/B07RXX94QX

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Add Plan B to your DD's medical essentials https://www.amazon.com/Plan-B-369536162881-Emergency-Contraceptive/dp/B07RXX94QX

A little hint. If Plan B is prescribed it is covered on insurance. We paid $0 for Plan B for DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the applications have been reviewed and my DC is excited about one of his choices and is about to put a deposit on his choice. So now it is time to think about how we manage the practicalities of his college years. I wecome advice on what parents of a new college Freshman should know such as:

How do we decide which meal plan--set number of meals per week, Flex Dollars, or a combination?
My DC will have personal expenses in addition to tuition., books, room and board--how is reasonable for us to contribute and how should we do so
Should we add our son to a credit card?
How do we continue to get access to his academic performance in real time? And Should we?
What other practical advice would you give us?

I preface all advice with the caveat that it depends on your child.

Meal plans - a lot of times it is easier to add money if it’s not enough and you lose money if you don’t use it by a certain timeframe. See how flexible the school is with unused meals/money. We only had the option of unlimited or unlimited plus adding in a bunch of extra dining dollars if living in campus dorms. Since dining points don’t roll over - we went with the less expensive option knowing we could add more dining dollars later. My cousin’s son is at a school where the unused dining dollars roll over.

For books, tuition, room and board etc that’s a personal financial decision - just be up front with your kid before they accept so they don’t pick option A thinking you’ve got this and suddenly after they’ve committed you tell them they need to pay. We’ve been up front that books and spending money are on them and we cover tuition and room and board up to a certain budget. Above that amount they have to contribute.

Credit card - if you do set a low limit to start unless you know your kid is the type to ask permission first and only use for intended purpose. I remember commiserating with to co-workers that my kid was spending all this money on the credit card for outings etc and even though I was transferring from their account they were spending faster than their budget and was one of those “hey I am not the only one”. They looked at me crazy and said there was no overspending because there was no credit card to overspend and I realized that was the answer. My kid now has a sort of prepaid (where you can add money) and their checking account for Venmo etc with a limited amount of money moved from savings.

Academic performance in real time - on the fence. I’m sort of inclined in hindsight to have asked for access but not use it unless it’s to verify at end of semester. They have to figure it out and live with the consequences if they don’t. However, you might want to protect yourself from your kid getting in over their head and getting incomplete in classes and really low grades and not being honest with you until it’s a day late and tens of thousands of dollars later. My one kid in high school would turn things in late and lie about completing assignments when asked so … and a co-worker said she failed out her first school and maybe was using money the parents thought they were paying for college. My co-worker got it together eventually but it took awhile and included a transfer to another school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most transitions to college are rocky, but for different reasons for different kids. Don’t draw any conclusions about how things are going in the first six weeks. At Thanksgiving (when DC came home for the first time), we heard all kinds of chatter about who was adjusting and who was not and who was talking about transferring. Ignore all that. It’s important to listen and emphasize that 1st semester of college is rarely indicative of the rest of the experience. The message should be give it more time, join clubs and activities and try to meet new people, and immerse yourself in the academics. By 2nd semester, the vast majority of kids start to really settle in. All of DC’s high school friends exhibited the same pattern and now thankfully seem happy. My message to parents of rising college freshmen is be prepared for those first few weeks/months of questioning and perhaps sadness but don’t over-react. Stay connected, be a good listener and remain positive.

+100%
and advise to not get into the weeds academically. Get help immediately. Tutoring, talk to professors, don't wait.
Second semester will be so much better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the applications have been reviewed and my DC is excited about one of his choices and is about to put a deposit on his choice. So now it is time to think about how we manage the practicalities of his college years. I wecome advice on what parents of a new college Freshman should know such as:

How do we decide which meal plan--set number of meals per week, Flex Dollars, or a combination?
My DC will have personal expenses in addition to tuition., books, room and board--how is reasonable for us to contribute and how should we do so
Should we add our son to a credit card?
How do we continue to get access to his academic performance in real time? And Should we?
What other practical advice would you give us?

Professor here.

Meal Plan: if you can afford it, get a larger one first semester and scale back later. The kids are always hungry. Flex dollars are helpful and allow them to switch plans to eat with friends and at different locations (which helps socially).

Personal Expenses: depends. Is this a city or a rural area? Does the campus have amenities? Is your kid someone who wants a hair cut every month and some Chipotle, or he is collecting shoes and likely to pay for friends' food all the time? This is where it helps to talk to other parents. If he ha a summer job, taking a few hundred to college for first semester is a good idea, then you revisit who is purchasing what and how often at the holidays.

Credit Card: Yes. We did this with our young teen for summer camps. Builds credit history and teaches responsibility, so we know it's not an issue. I'd do this now.

Academic Performance: No. It's up to him at this point if he allows your access to bypass FERPA, and honestly, unless he has special needs this is overkill. Kids who are responsible with healthy parents relationships share readily. And in the end, it no longer matters if they get all As. But it matters if they are doing well and getting internships later on, so they can graduate on time and get a job.

Advice: Have a reasonable check in expectation (every weekend, or every Tuesday). Send care packages or Amazon goodies (and include extra for roommates and friends). Give a little cash when you see him. Coordinate with him about visits and don't expect to spend 24/7 with him when you do visit (but do offer to let him bring a friend to a meal if you have more than one meal). Pay for the trips home if you can. Don't over-ask about school, and empathize that adjustment takes time (so less "Are you getting all As?" and "It took me a while to get over the hump of learning how to X. How are you doing with it?" Encourage him to attend class unless he's sick.

Great advice +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the applications have been reviewed and my DC is excited about one of his choices and is about to put a deposit on his choice. So now it is time to think about how we manage the practicalities of his college years. I wecome advice on what parents of a new college Freshman should know such as:

How do we decide which meal plan--set number of meals per week, Flex Dollars, or a combination?
My DC will have personal expenses in addition to tuition., books, room and board--how is reasonable for us to contribute and how should we do so
Should we add our son to a credit card?
How do we continue to get access to his academic performance in real time? And Should we?
What other practical advice would you give us?

Professor here.

Meal Plan: if you can afford it, get a larger one first semester and scale back later. The kids are always hungry. Flex dollars are helpful and allow them to switch plans to eat with friends and at different locations (which helps socially).

Disagree with the meal plan advice. Check with your university and see how their meal plan works before making a decision. At my daughter's school, you can NOT scale back. The meal plan you pick at the beginning of the year is the one you're stuck with for A YEAR unless you want to go bigger. Advice at our school is to buy the smallest and you can always increase it. You cannot, however, go smaller until sophomore year.

Join your child's college parents' Facebook group. They can be a solid source of experienced advice for you regarding your kid's college. Of course there is some disagreement on things, but you can usually figure out the majority opinion on best dorm (if choosing is an option), best meal plan, whether most kids have cars, how much they spend, which clubs their kids enjoy, etc. Joining the parents' FB page was the best decision for me. My daughter is a junior and I still find it valuable. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

how do you find the parent facebook group?