Practical Advice for the Parents of Rising College Freshman

[Anonymous]

You search the name of the college, the year (for freshman this fall, class of 2027). There's probably several pages, I joined them all and then figured out which ones were helpful and which ones were not. Also turns out my older kid's school has a DMV group specifically, which has been very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how do you find the parent facebook group?

Go into Facebook and in the search bar in the top left type something like "Virginia Tech parents" and some groups should come up. When I typed that in, three groups came up: Virginia Tech Parents, Virginia Tech - Parents & Families, and Virginia Tech Class of 2027 - Parents. Sometimes they are "official" groups set up by the college. Sometimes they are "unofficial" set up by a parent. Look at which ones are most active. In this case, the first group I listed gets 10+ posts per day. The second one gets 6 per week. The third one gets 5 posts per day. I'd probably join the first and third one if I were a new parent.

[Anonymous]

1 - mama bear for legal forms (so if your child is in the hospital you can call and get info about them)

2 - freshman usually have a required meal plan, and our experience is its plenty (usually 3 meals a day plus some form of dining dollars that can be used at places like dunking donuts, chipotle, etc). Our kids worked over summers for fun money (pizza and bear/going out)

3 - we set them up with things like 2 sets of shampoo, shaving cream, laundry detergent, deodorant, etc when we dropped them off, put enough money on their card for 2 loads of laundry per week

4 - one of ours buys their books and we Venmo them the funds, the other sends us the list and I order them, shipping directly to their dorm

5 - eventually, you want them to get a credit card, but if they aren't good with money, it does not need to be during feshman year, when they are learning to mange their time and their money all at once. However, it is much easier to get one while in college, than after. And you want them to start building their credit.

[Anonymous]

Credit Card: If you have great credit, YES, put your child on it. That does not mean they need to have access to it. They will get a credit boost. Talk to your card company. DO NOT let them apply for their own unless you are going to guarantee it gets paid off. There is no "teaching responsibility" by setting up an 18 year old to ruin their credit when they have so little income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Professor here.

Meal Plan: if you can afford it, get a larger one first semester and scale back later. The kids are always hungry. Flex dollars are helpful and allow them to switch plans to eat with friends and at different locations (which helps socially).

Personal Expenses: depends. Is this a city or a rural area? Does the campus have amenities? Is your kid someone who wants a hair cut every month and some Chipotle, or he is collecting shoes and likely to pay for friends' food all the time? This is where it helps to talk to other parents. If he ha a summer job, taking a few hundred to college for first semester is a good idea, then you revisit who is purchasing what and how often at the holidays.

Credit Card: Yes. We did this with our young teen for summer camps. Builds credit history and teaches responsibility, so we know it's not an issue. I'd do this now.

Academic Performance: No. It's up to him at this point if he allows your access to bypass FERPA, and honestly, unless he has special needs this is overkill. Kids who are responsible with healthy parents relationships share readily. And in the end, it no longer matters if they get all As. But it matters if they are doing well and getting internships later on, so they can graduate on time and get a job.

Advice: Have a reasonable check in expectation (every weekend, or every Tuesday). Send care packages or Amazon goodies (and include extra for roommates and friends). Give a little cash when you see him. Coordinate with him about visits and don't expect to spend 24/7 with him when you do visit (but do offer to let him bring a friend to a meal if you have more than one meal). Pay for the trips home if you can. Don't over-ask about school, and empathize that adjustment takes time (so less "Are you getting all As?" and "It took me a while to get over the hump of learning how to X. How are you doing with it?" Encourage him to attend class unless he's sick.

Excellent advice. +2

If your child rarely eats breakfast or eats the same (easy) thing every day (that could be prepared in a dorm room), a middle plan (13- or 14-meals/wk) works well. On the other hand, sometimes the full/unlimited plan is just a few dollars more and provides tremendous flexibility. But as a PP mentioned, confirm what your options might be to make "plan" changes.

Especially love the counsel to invite a friend along to a meal. It's such a nice treat, generally makes for livelier conversation, and I sometimes learn more about our children from their friends than I do directly from them. Long gone are the days when they spend more awake hours with me than with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professor here.

Meal Plan: if you can afford it, get a larger one first semester and scale back later. The kids are always hungry. Flex dollars are helpful and allow them to switch plans to eat with friends and at different locations (which helps socially).

Personal Expenses: depends. Is this a city or a rural area? Does the campus have amenities? Is your kid someone who wants a hair cut every month and some Chipotle, or he is collecting shoes and likely to pay for friends' food all the time? This is where it helps to talk to other parents. If he ha a summer job, taking a few hundred to college for first semester is a good idea, then you revisit who is purchasing what and how often at the holidays.

Credit Card: Yes. We did this with our young teen for summer camps. Builds credit history and teaches responsibility, so we know it's not an issue. I'd do this now.

Academic Performance: No. It's up to him at this point if he allows your access to bypass FERPA, and honestly, unless he has special needs this is overkill. Kids who are responsible with healthy parents relationships share readily. And in the end, it no longer matters if they get all As. But it matters if they are doing well and getting internships later on, so they can graduate on time and get a job.

Advice: Have a reasonable check in expectation (every weekend, or every Tuesday). Send care packages or Amazon goodies (and include extra for roommates and friends). Give a little cash when you see him. Coordinate with him about visits and don't expect to spend 24/7 with him when you do visit (but do offer to let him bring a friend to a meal if you have more than one meal). Pay for the trips home if you can. Don't over-ask about school, and empathize that adjustment takes time (so less "Are you getting all As?" and "It took me a while to get over the hump of learning how to X. How are you doing with it?" Encourage him to attend class unless he's sick.

Excellent advice. +2

If your child rarely eats breakfast or eats the same (easy) thing every day (that could be prepared in a dorm room), a middle plan (13- or 14-meals/wk) works well. On the other hand, sometimes the full/unlimited plan is just a few dollars more and provides tremendous flexibility. But as a PP mentioned, confirm what your options might be to make "plan" changes.

Especially love the counsel to invite a friend along to a meal. It's such a nice treat, generally makes for livelier conversation, and I sometimes learn more about our children from their friends than I do directly from them. Long gone are the days when they spend more awake hours with me than with someone else.

+1 on inviting friend/roommate to dinner. At my small lac, our roommates'/close friends' parents and siblings became extended family. It was exciting when Sally's mom came up to visit with her famed lasagna, or when Joanie's parents would come take us out for a fancy dinner in the neighboring city. I'm in touch with these people 20 years later. Small gestures mean so much - I remember when my roommate was accepted to law school and my mom sent flowers, the look on her face was priceless. Send a little something for the room in your care packages, and invite the friend to lunch or dinner. it means more - and is worth so much more - than the cost of the meal.

[Anonymous]

PP re: medical kit. I made my 2DC college students first aid kits to store in their dorms. Band aids, thermometer, neosporin, alcohol wipes (also to clean therm scan thermometer, gauze squares, packaged envelopes of Advil, Tylenol (to toss in backpack), Emergen C, cough drops, disposable ice pack. Include Gatorade drink mix packs.

Also learned that Pedialyte is great for hangovers.

[Anonymous]

12 credits to start. Freshmen year, first semester is an adjustment. Yes, 15 is needed to graduate on time. I still think 12 is worth it. Fill-in later with a summer or more credits during another semester

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For poster at 10:24am, curious why credit card but no debit card. We had felt a debit card was a good way to reinforce that they cannot spend what they do not have. (do think a credit card is important at some point too to build a history)

You are kidding right?

OMG learn finances, please.

Debit cards are an absolute no!

Debit cards if hacked you lose it all with no recourse.

Please get your kid a finance course because you are not knowledgeable.

[Anonymous]

1. Credit card their name limit about $500 only Discover is best for this.
2. Summer jobs and winter break jobs to pay for extras. Yes every kid should do this no matter how much mom and dad pay. Great for resume as well.
3. Never debit cards
4. Minimum school requires.
5. Heath directives make sure they are signed
6. Red state colleges never ever use on campus health center.
7. Red state colleges have a plan to remove kid if something happens yes this is important.
8. Community college classes over the summer just in case a class is super hard take it at community college and transfer credit as to not ruin GPA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12 credits to start. Freshmen year, first semester is an adjustment. Yes, 15 is needed to graduate on time. I still think 12 is worth it. Fill-in later with a summer or more credits during another semester

We are seriously considering this. We want to them to get off to a smooth start. It’s also easier to build a higher gpa which will help with confidence going forward. My kid has ADHD/anxiety and their therapist recommended it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 credits to start. Freshmen year, first semester is an adjustment. Yes, 15 is needed to graduate on time. I still think 12 is worth it. Fill-in later with a summer or more credits during another semester

We are seriously considering this. We want to them to get off to a smooth start. It’s also easier to build a higher gpa which will help with confidence going forward. My kid has ADHD/anxiety and their therapist recommended it.

Totally agree. Especially if your DC comes in with any credits from AP/IB/Dual Enrollment. My DS did 12 hours both semesters freshman year. In hindsight, he could have handled 15 in the spring but he was really glad he only did 12 that first fall.

[Anonymous]

A couple Catholic colleges I am familiar with force 18 credits on the kids for freshman fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well the applications have been reviewed and my DC is excited about one of his choices and is about to put a deposit on his choice. So now it is time to think about how we manage the practicalities of his college years. I wecome advice on what parents of a new college Freshman should know such as:

How do we decide which meal plan--set number of meals per week, Flex Dollars, or a combination?
My DC will have personal expenses in addition to tuition., books, room and board--how is reasonable for us to contribute and how should we do so
Should we add our son to a credit card?
How do we continue to get access to his academic performance in real time? And Should we?
What other practical advice would you give us?

I don't think you can, and I don't think you should. Don't get me wrong, my DC is getting ready to leave too and we consider school his primary job and will set a floor for his performace, but outside of asking how things are going and being available to problem solve if there is an issue - we'll just see the report cards.

Not true re accessing records. Under federal law, colleges can provide parents copies of student records if the child is claimed as a dependent on the parents' tax return. From a practical matter, most colleges don't do this. It's easier just to have your child sign a waiver that gives you access.

As for how much to contribute and whether to put your child on your credit card, those are personal decisions and will depend on your family's financial situation, etc.

I was on my parents' credit card when I was in college, and DC is on our credit card. However, that depends on how reliable the kid is with money and keeping track of things. If you don't trust your child to stay in a budget and want them to have a credit card, consider opening a credit card with a low limit and have them only on that card -- but check it regularly. If you're concerned they will lose the card, then maybe it's not a good idea. One option is to put your card on their ApplePay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For poster at 10:24am, curious why credit card but no debit card. We had felt a debit card was a good way to reinforce that they cannot spend what they do not have. (do think a credit card is important at some point too to build a history)

You are kidding right?

OMG learn finances, please.

Debit cards are an absolute no!

Debit cards if hacked you lose it all with no recourse.

Please get your kid a finance course because you are not knowledgeable.

A debit card can be a useful tool in teaching kids financial responsibility. But you're correct, you don't have the same theft protection on a debit card as on a credit card, so don't keep a lot of money in any account that has a debit card attached to it.