Family taking advantage of beach house

[Anonymous]

I would just stick my ground about sharing a bigger house if you are going to do a big group vacation. You can candidly and kindly say “we liked spending time with everyone but found the house last year to be too crammed”. Just be direct. Don’t harp on recounting lack of contribution. That will turn it into a blame. Send it in s group message and see if anyone is interested, responds, picks up the project etc…

If no one does then just drop it and do your thing. Invite other friends. Don’t invite anyone at all. If in laws bring it up just say “no one responded to our message so se proceeded with other plans”. If they suggest m squeezing in together again just reiterate “like I said it was too crammed and we want kids to have their own room”. If they keep bringing it up they are being rude and awkward and you can ignore them.

Don’t be so afraid of it being a thing. Just be direct, reasonable and understanding, but also state your preferences and don’t budge on what your family prefers.

[Anonymous]

Oh, heck no. It’s not a vacation for DH and me if we have kids in our room. Your DH needs to step up and shut this down.

“Mom/ Dad, we loved having you join us for the weekend two years ago, but last year when it was longer and sis and her family were included, it was just too much. We can’t all squeeze into that tiny house again. You and Dad can either join us for the weekend, or here is a link to a nearby condo for you, Larla and her family. We are still happy to do meals at our house for the weekend.”

[Anonymous]

Come on, OP, there’s some middle ground here, and you know it. You’re getting the house, either way. If they are willing to cram, fine. But hard no on the food.

“We will not be buying and providing food and drink for everyone again. Frankly, we were a little surprised that you guys didn’t so much as buy your own groceries or offer to get takeout dinner a few nights, when we were graciously paying for a beach house.” Yes, I would be that pointed about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up buttercup.

No way. This is unhealthy and such a people-pleaser way of approaching the situation. Get a backbone and learn to advocate for yourself.

Obligated generosity only leads to resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on, OP, there’s some middle ground here, and you know it. You’re getting the house, either way. If they are willing to cram, fine. But hard no on the food.

“We will not be buying and providing food and drink for everyone again. Frankly, we were a little surprised that you guys didn’t so much as buy your own groceries or offer to get takeout dinner a few nights, when we were graciously paying for a beach house.” Yes, I would be that pointed about it.

I should mention I meant THEY can cram, for like the last few days/weekend—you keep occupying the space you need, and if they want to sleep in a rec room, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just stick my ground about sharing a bigger house if you are going to do a big group vacation. You can candidly and kindly say “we liked spending time with everyone but found the house last year to be too crammed”. Just be direct. Don’t harp on recounting lack of contribution. That will turn it into a blame. Send it in s group message and see if anyone is interested, responds, picks up the project etc…

If no one does then just drop it and do your thing. Invite other friends. Don’t invite anyone at all. If in laws bring it up just say “no one responded to our message so se proceeded with other plans”. If they suggest m squeezing in together again just reiterate “like I said it was too crammed and we want kids to have their own room”. If they keep bringing it up they are being rude and awkward and you can ignore them.

Don’t be so afraid of it being a thing. Just be direct, reasonable and understanding, but also state your preferences and don’t budge on what your family prefers.

I like this one. How I would handle. It's honest and direct.

[Anonymous]

Not that this matters but is there an income difference between your family and the ILs?

[Anonymous]

It’s already march and you don’t have a beach house booked yet? Is this an unpopular beach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s already march and you don’t have a beach house booked yet? Is this an unpopular beach?

This pinged my troll radar as well. OP, this could have been a really good thread in November. People have more time for IL hate threads over the holidays.

[Anonymous]

You and your DH need to get on the same page.

The problem with getting a bigger house is that your family is there for two weeks. Do you really want to encourage them all to be there for two weeks?

I would work with DH to give them the choice of just a weekend or they rent their own place near where you are staying.

[Anonymous]

Why move rooms? Keep your kids in their rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s already march and you don’t have a beach house booked yet? Is this an unpopular beach?

This pinged my troll radar as well. OP, this could have been a really good thread in November. People have more time for IL hate threads over the holidays.

OP probably knows people love both an IL bashing thread and beach house drama. Guaranteed to be a multi-pager.

[Anonymous]

lol my DH would shut this down with a quickness if for no other reason than kids in our room = he isn't getting any.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ask everyone to go in on a bigger house because I wouldn't want to vacation with my ILs for the full 2 weeks. DH needs to tell his parents "we love you guys, but the house was too cramped last year and the cost of extra food/drink is busting our budget, so we won't be able to host this time. We're happy to meet out for dinner (or host a few meals) if you guys decide to rent another place nearby."

[Anonymous]

You haven’t rented the place yet? This is easy. Tell them you waited too long and the only available places are much smaller this year so you can’t fit anyone else in the new place. And don’t give them the address.