Screamer toddler and screens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time any of my kids scream they are put outside. Even the 15 month old. They sit on the porch or very safe fenced in yard. If you act like you’re playing outside, outside you go.

Rain, snow, wind. Outside. Stops the screaming.

I have no tolerance for screaming in our tiny house.

Smart

No, sounds like it’s unacceptable to have big feelings…an 18 month old has no way of using words to say what they need/what’s wrong. Sending them outside to manage anything on their own tells them YOU can’t handle it and can’t be trusted to help them sort it out.

It's giving them space to calm down.

We can’t know how the PP does it. There’s nothing wrong with taking a toddler outside to calm down, and there’s nothing wrong with sitting quietly with them to give them time/space to do it. I also think going outside is just helpful for regulating emotions for humans. But sending a toddler outside alone as “punishment” is not for me.

I’m the one who posted that. You’re right, I can’t tolerate it. But if they’re outside I won’t yell at them. Also, a change of scenery does a lot of attitudes. None are ever unsafe. I won’t sit quietly will them. They have to know where the boundaries are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time any of my kids scream they are put outside. Even the 15 month old. They sit on the porch or very safe fenced in yard. If you act like you’re playing outside, outside you go.

Rain, snow, wind. Outside. Stops the screaming.

I have no tolerance for screaming in our tiny house.

Smart

No, sounds like it’s unacceptable to have big feelings…an 18 month old has no way of using words to say what they need/what’s wrong. Sending them outside to manage anything on their own tells them YOU can’t handle it and can’t be trusted to help them sort it out.

It's giving them space to calm down.

We can’t know how the PP does it. There’s nothing wrong with taking a toddler outside to calm down, and there’s nothing wrong with sitting quietly with them to give them time/space to do it. I also think going outside is just helpful for regulating emotions for humans. But sending a toddler outside alone as “punishment” is not for me.

I’m the one who posted that. You’re right, I can’t tolerate it. But if they’re outside I won’t yell at them. Also, a change of scenery does a lot of attitudes. None are ever unsafe. I won’t sit quietly will them. They have to know where the boundaries are.

Wow. I don't even know where to start with this. Your poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm nearing a breaking point. I had full intention of limiting screens to zero but we leave in a townhouse and my toddler has a habit of screaming when he doesn't get what he wants. The other important part of the conundrum is that my husband works from home and he has very low tolerance for screaming so I find myself just giving our kid a tablet. I don't know how to break the cycle:(

Stop doing that.

[Anonymous]

Noise cancelling headphones or earplugs for your husband can help. My toddler had a meltdown just as I was about to start a meeting (fortunately personal not work related) and with the noise canceling headphones I was actually able to have a conversation on zoom with my toddler right besides me. It would have been even better is a separate room.

They also take the edge off the screaming if it something that really irritates your nervous system and can help with responding in a more ideal way.

I’m in the “you are really disappointed” and empathizing with toddler camp. I think going outside as an alternative to screens can be helpful but not as a response that sends your toddler away when they have strong emotions. Calmly being with them is better.

[Anonymous]

You're going to have to bite the bullet and get ready for a power struggle. My oldest was a screamer for a bit, but I just couldn't let him win those battles. Lots of talking, lots of recognition of feelings, lots of leaving spaces we were in to give him space. But I stayed with him unless I was feeling immensely overwhelmed. I hated the screaming and tantrums, but a couple of months in and he figured it out. I just could not give in.

[Anonymous]

Let him scream, don't give him the screen. How you opt to handle the screaming is waaaay less important than not giving in. The best parenting advice I ever got was "Pick your battles. Win every battle." Right now, you're literally training your kid to scream to get what he wants. You don't want him to have a screen? Then he doesn't get a screen. Period.

Since you have taught him that, it's going to be a much harder road in the short term to show him that you will not give in. I'd recommend you tell your husband to work elsewhere for a week or two, it's going to be rough.

And in generally, even once he's learned that screaming is ineffective, sometimes toddler's scream. If your husband can't handle that, he needs to find a different place to work. This isn't April 2020, he's got options. The library is a good one.

[Anonymous]

Mothers seem to have no clue how detrimental it is to allow their boys to own them.

Please, stop letting your little boys have their way with you. It’s just so wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon it will be easier to go outside a lot more. However, I think it’s unreasonable to work from home with a toddler in a small house and also have a low tolerance for noise. Toddlers make noise! How is that supposed to work?

Seriously. The answer can’t be that you do what ever you have to to prevent your DH from hearing screaming. He’s going to cry and scream, that’s all he’s had right now. It’s how he’s communicating to you, you just have to train yourself to “disagree” just like you would if he was saying “gimme the iPad!”. Agree with the PP that he needs headphones or a new place to work. I hated when my DH would work from home when kids were tiny - felt so inefficient when I knew no one could be working with all the screaming…

[Anonymous]

You're lucky that putting the child outside stops the screaming. Mine will continue to rage on and I'm not a fan of involving the nosy neighbors in his tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH to spend a week in the office if that’s possible, and use that week as a reset. Do not give in to your child during that week. Let them scream. It will eventually become tiring.

[Anonymous]

Put the child somewhere quiet, safe space and say
You can be angry but don't act on it. Stay here and when you're ready you can come play.

Give the child even a 15 month old some space. Nobody can calm down a kid with tantrum. Let them feel the feelings in a safe ny themselves and they will learn to calm themselves. And that it will pass the extreme feelings

[Anonymous]

Putting it outside works good too.

Just like adults we all need space to calm down

[Anonymous]

Don't give in to the tantrums. Be consistent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time any of my kids scream they are put outside. Even the 15 month old. They sit on the porch or very safe fenced in yard. If you act like you’re playing outside, outside you go.

Rain, snow, wind. Outside. Stops the screaming.

I have no tolerance for screaming in our tiny house.

Smart

np How is it smart? You aren't addressing what the toddler needs. then when they get older you wonder why they won't speak to you and tell how they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP! Hugs! Abrazos!
Maybe you will be the few moms who will learn how to discipline children.

Maybe your kid has mental issues, hear loss, etc? Just check with a specialist just in case.