How can I stop this from bothering me?
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Anonymous
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OP, it bothers you because it's a power play. It is probably wholly unconscious, but what she is doing is not acknowledging your expertise. BUT, it's probably because to do so means her recognizing you are an adult and it threatens the mom-daughter bond for her, on some level. And she wants to keep that bond.
So it's harmless. My mom made my brother executor of her estate. I graduated from Harvard Law School and he is a railroad engineer. If I can let that go, you can let this go. I believe in you! |
Anonymous
| Ooh you are going to catch a cold if you go out without a coat! |
Anonymous
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Just acknowledge her right to have an opinion and, if you want to, share your knowledge about the weather also, but try not to tell her she's wrong, that doesn't go over too well with anybody especially with something like the weather which is not totally an exact science even though you might think otherwise since it's your area of expertise.
A therapist once told me that I ought to let the little things go in my desire to let people know when I am right and they are wrong....he said "Sometimes you have to choose, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" In your case the decision is more like do you need to be right or do you want to have a nice conversation with your mom? She might be too old to adjust her thinking but are you? |
Anonymous
| my husband is a doctor. When he was single he lived with 2 other doctors. His mother called asking a medical question (could she have a SIP of water when she was supposed to not eat or drink). My husband, a pediatrician, assured her she could. Then she asked to speak to one of the roommates as a second opinion. All you can do is laugh. |
Anonymous
Your mom is launching a really benign conversational opening, basically "I see clouds," and you are shutting her down hard and then getting annoyed. Would you do that with someone other than your mom, someone at a party or school event? Probably not: that would be socially inept. So don't do it to your mom. Instead, try saying one of these: "Well that would be a surprise! By the way, when was the last time you saw snow?" "You know who is having wacky weather right now? Canada! Yeah, I was looking at it for work and ..." "Tell you what: if doesn't snow I will take you to lunch, but if you're right and it snows then you take me to lunch." |
Anonymous
| What????? |
Anonymous
| You have a below Low understanding of polite conversation. |
Anonymous
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Ok I am going to tell you a story. My mom worked in Chicgao ( 1950's) and she had been there about a year so she knew Chicago winters. She was with another collegue and she said "it looks like snow" The guy scoffed and said something you might op "it's not going to snow blah blah blah"Two minutes later snow began to fall pretty hard...so sometimes your mom might be right!
Why don't YOU respect her opinion? |
Anonymous
I think it's a power play, but on both sides. OP is wanting to be acknowledged as an expert, and is mad that her mom isn't acknowledging it. Just as her mom is digging in. If OP comments every time, she is definitely part of the power play. If you want to stop, stop. It's that's easy. I wanted to stop yelling at my kids, and I just decided I would stop and I did. I also acknowledged a root problem that I was actually mad at myself for not allowing enough time to get out of the door, but taking it out on my kids. I suspect there is something deeper with OP. |
Anonymous
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I was like this with my mom b/c in our relationship, I've felt smothered by her my entire life. She always had to be right, had to be in control, and it was a suffocating relationship as her daughter. So any chance I get, if I could show her I actually knew more than her, I'd jump on because that's my only play. It feels childish, but it was my coping mechanism. Not the healthiest way to deal though.
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Anonymous
I am in a similar situation, also a lawyer. Brother has a scattered career history and is very dismissive of our mom. He is fairly estranged from me and the rest of the extended family. But, as a male and the golden child, he is the chosen executor. My mom also has a trust outside of probate so it's not clear to me that he won't grab all/most assets, including a fairly valuable house. The fact that she won't share a copy of the will is another tell. Letting it go is hard, but, being consumed by it is not something I'm willing to do. Can't control others. I'll be sure to foster less conflict between my kids after death, but my mom has done it all along, narcs are gonna narc. I feel for you, OP, the weather is one of my "safe" topics with my mom and even as a lawyer it can feel like a power struggle. As my grandmother, my mom's mom, used to say, "Some people are like that. What can you do?" Sometimes having a mental or scribbled out "bingo card" of likely sticky points can make it seem a bit more fun or like a game, esp when I have a small treat planned when I get bingo. "Clouds," "rain" etc over a call or 2 and you could win a small indulgence at 3 of 4. It can become something you look forward too, by flipping it around, instead of feeling like all of the air is sucked out of the room, "Yay, she talked about clouds again, bingo! Time for a fancy Starbucks coffee tomorrow." Be sure to have people in your life who do validate you in lots of ways. Most things people say or do are not really about you but about them. Give yourself the gift of not feeling stress, it's bad for health. |
Anonymous
| Get over yourself, maybe? |
Anonymous
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Do you have an emotionally immature parent?
I assume there’s a back story if this is bothering you. Ie your mom disses you in general or something? You could try to understand what’s beneath your annoyance or you just don’t engage. She says it’s going to snow. You say that’s interesting. Or guess so. Or we’ll see... Whatever nonsense response you want to give. Maybe just agree. “ yes I suppose so”. |
Anonymous
| Why do you feel the need to lecture people at length for saying it looks like rain outside? This is such a needless power struggle. |
Anonymous
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I'll agree that your knowledge of meteorology is much greater than mine, if you will agree that in some areas of the country (New England is one) you often CAN tell what's going to happen by looking up at the sky, feeling the wind, the feel of the air, and the clouds. Not always, and not 100%, but often enough to know that when I say, "the leaves are blowing upside down (I can see the undersides of the leaves on the trees), it's going to rain... and in 30-60 minutes it usually does!
Down here in Maryland it doesn't work that way, so I've stopped saying it (I still think it, though!) |