How can I stop this from bothering me?

[Anonymous]

I have an above-average level of understanding of meteorology due to my line of work. I know I shouldn’t let this bother me, I really know I shouldn’t, but when I tell you this makes my blood pressure raise I’m not exaggerating. I speak with my parents about once a week. My mother will look out the window and see clouds and say “It’s going to rain/snow.” I will tell her that just because clouds are present or dark isn’t always an indicator that they will produce precipitation. She doesn’t argue with me but I can tell she doesn’t believe me, and will tell me over and over again how she thinks it is going to snow based on a cloud she sees when snow isn’t even in the forecast.

How do I let this not bother me. Somehow I allow it to feel so dismissive.

[Anonymous]

Just answer it like you would if they were a child. "Maybe! I'd like some snow/rain- wouldn't you?"

[Anonymous]

I come from a culture where this dynamic is totally normal. You could be an aerospace engineer and an entire group of elders will debate how airplanes should be constructed while you sit in a corner. And if you try to chime in they will pretend to believe you and then carry on for another 45 minutes.

Honestly, if you can, try to see the humor in it. It’s easier if you have an objective third party that knows you know, if that makes sense. If your coworkers or hobby friends trust you, then you know it’s not a you problem.

As to why? My guess is partially bc old people debate out if boredom, partially bc they will never see younger family members (who they’ve known since babyhood) as fully formed adults. It’s not about you.

[Anonymous]

Also if you know other people who experience the same dynamic it becomes incredibly funny to make eye contact across the room when you all see it happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where this dynamic is totally normal. You could be an aerospace engineer and an entire group of elders will debate how airplanes should be constructed while you sit in a corner. And if you try to chime in they will pretend to believe you and then carry on for another 45 minutes.

Honestly, if you can, try to see the humor in it. It’s easier if you have an objective third party that knows you know, if that makes sense. If your coworkers or hobby friends trust you, then you know it’s not a you problem.

As to why? My guess is partially bc old people debate out if boredom, partially bc they will never see younger family members (who they’ve known since babyhood) as fully formed adults. It’s not about you.

Thanks, this is really a helpful perspective. I appreciate you typing it out.

I also really like the advice to speak to them as if they were children. I’ll try that!

[Anonymous]

OP I get it. It does FEEL dismissive and is insulting to your intelligence and profession.

But I've also learned to let it go. I figure it is more a reflection on their ignorance and refusal to actually listen to someone who really does know more than they do.

In my situation, it wasn't my parents but my siblings who refused to acknowledge my acumen on certain subjects.

[Anonymous]

Eh. The elders are like this, particularly if you're female and not male. They listen politely, nod sagely, then go on with their idiocies as if you'd said nothing. The ink on your diplomas means NOTHING to them.

- BTDT.

[Anonymous]

She's elderly and likely a little lonely and maybe doesn't have that much to talk about. So "taking away" her conversational point--even though you are correct--doesn't really serve either of you.

[Anonymous]

Tune her out. It's all you can do.

My mother tells me every time there is a big temp change "this is just horrendous. It is so bad for people on my age to go through this." She says it to me with a look of expectation that I will somehow agree or make it better or like there is someone in charge of the weather where I should lodge her complaint.

[Anonymous]

It’s frustrating to be ignored. I’m early 40s and see it happening so much. The world sure isn’t the meritocracy I was raised to believe it is. All I can share is empathy.

[Anonymous]

"ok mom"

Then move on.

[Anonymous]

It can be frustrating. But I think she's just trying to make conversation. It honestly doesn't matter whether it's going to rain or snow or not. If she were making big decisions based on this prediction, it would be worth offering additional information. But she's just commenting on what she sees, in a way she's done all her life and probably saw her elders do too. It's more of a reflex than actually thinking about what she's saying.

I get that it feels dismissive, and it's grating to have to put up with it. Humor her like a child, ignore it and move on, or try to avoid the comments by filling the conversation with something else. It's really not worth starting a fight over whether she listens to you or not.

[Anonymous]

This is totally my job too. I mention a thing and a get a diatribe about things not related but that the person knows more about than me. Who have been doing it for 20 years. And have multiple degrees. But please, tell me what the teevee says

[Anonymous]

OP, you think she doesn't respect you. You think she doesn't respect you, professionally. She might never. Of course that doesn't mean she shouldn't. But your likely can't change her. You may just have to -mentally- put her in the category of people from whom you won't earn respect. Enjoy others. Surround herself and give more time to others who make you feel more valued.

[Anonymous]

I used to get like this with my MIL. My DH is very handy AND a structural / civil engineer. She would see that he was doing some project and question his methodology. She wasn’t ignorant-meaning she had broad understanding of building as she was an urban planner but my DH/her son was a recognized expert in his field. I think some parents just cannot see their kids as anything but children and are blind to their actual competency.