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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it bothers you because it's a power play. It is probably wholly unconscious, but what she is doing is not acknowledging your expertise.  BUT, it's probably because to do so means her recognizing you are an adult and it threatens the mom-daughter bond for her, on some level. And she wants to keep that bond.

So it's harmless.

My mom made my brother executor of her estate. I graduated from Harvard Law School and he is a railroad engineer.  If I can let that go, you can let this go.  I believe in you![/quote]

I am in a similar situation, also a lawyer. Brother has a scattered career history and is very dismissive of our mom. He is fairly estranged from me and the rest of the extended family. But, as a male and the golden child, he is the chosen executor. My mom also has a trust outside of probate so it's not clear to me that he won't grab all/most assets, including a fairly valuable house. The fact that she won't share a copy of the will is another tell. Letting it go is hard, but, being consumed by it is not something I'm willing to do. Can't control others. I'll be sure to foster less conflict between my kids after death, but my mom has done it all along, narcs are gonna narc.

I feel for you, OP, the weather is one of my "safe" topics with my mom and even as a lawyer it can feel like a power struggle. As my grandmother, my mom's mom, used to say, "Some people are like that. What can you do?" Sometimes having a mental or scribbled out "bingo card" of likely sticky points can make it seem a bit more fun or like a game, esp when I have a small treat planned when I get bingo. "Clouds," "rain" etc over a call or 2 and you could win a small indulgence at 3 of 4. It can become something you look forward too, by flipping it around, instead of feeling like all of the air is sucked out of the room, "Yay, she talked about clouds again, bingo! Time for a fancy Starbucks coffee tomorrow."

Be sure to have people in your life who do validate you in lots of ways. Most things people say or do are not really about you but about them. Give yourself the gift of not feeling stress, it's bad for health. [/quote]

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