Girlfriend family history

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned for her, or for your son to marry someone who may get cancer

Both she is very smart beautiful girl and I don’t want my son to suffer in future which can be prevented with little intervention. I understand there are no guarantees about anyone’s future health. Not sure if my post was not clear just want my child not to suffer.
OP

[Anonymous]

I would butt lot. Of course she knows she might have the braca gene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here I am positive she did not get tested yet as I am good friends with someone who is close to this girl. I have heard this third party being vocal that everyone with family history of BC should get tested and indirectly she mentioned that this family not listening.

Okay, you need to stop. You will lose your son with all the controlling behavior. This is his choice, not yours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are so incredibly in the wrong here.

Concerned about a child’s future is a parent’s job is what I have Lea from my parents. I am not stopping my son to see her. If I was I would have steered him away when he was 18-19yrs old. If we tell our kids to pick their partners ask about future goals, financial success why not teach them to talk about preventive health measures.

[Anonymous]

Omfg

You want a college age girlfriend to get tested for breast cancer genes….why? So that your son can choose not to marry her??

Holy Jesus you are the future mother in law from hell.

This is not your business. Stay out of it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are so incredibly in the wrong here.

Concerned about a child’s future is a parent’s job is what I have Lea from my parents. I am not stopping my son to see her. If I was I would have steered him away when he was 18-19yrs old. If we tell our kids to pick their partners ask about future goals, financial success why not teach them to talk about preventive health measures.

She does not need to be tested yet. There is no value in testing this young. She can test when she is older. If her mother had cancer in the last decade, the mother was most likely tested herself. That would have been the recommendation. You clearly know very little about genetic breast cancer risk and testing guidelines. Stay out of it. It’s not your place and you have nothing to add to the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned for her, or for your son to marry someone who may get cancer

Both she is very smart beautiful girl and I don’t want my son to suffer in future which can be prevented with little intervention. I understand there are no guarantees about anyone’s future health. Not sure if my post was not clear just want my child not to suffer.
OP

Wtf did I just read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.

Wow. You win idiot of the night. You think GF’s mom and aunt made “poor lifestyle choices”? Ever heard of the BRCA gene? Or other genetic diseases?

[Anonymous]

Op, this is not your issue even if she becomes your dil. My mom died of bc in her 40’s. The BRCA genes were discovered 10 or so years later. I asked my ob-gyn if I should get tested - I was in my late 20’s, IIRC. She said to wait until I was done having kids (I wasn’t even married then), wait until I was close to my mom’s age of diagnosis and do it when I would be ready to take action (ie have prophylactic surgery). I’ve mentioned this many times to other doctors and they all said this was good advice. I got tested at 40, was positive and had surgery to remove my ovaries and also had a prophylactic double mastectomy. One of my siblings got tested and the other didn’t - his choice. Not everyone wants to know.

Also, just bc two sisters had it doesn’t mean it is genetic. A cousin by marriage to me had it as did 2 sisters - no BRCA or other gene.

Finally, I have two kids in their early 20’s. They know about their risk. Their doctor says it is way too early to test.

I’m not sure what you are worried about - that your future grandchildren may be at increased risk for BRCA cancers or if you sincerely care about this woman. More likely than not, she has discussed her risks with her doctor and will start mammograms early and has a plan. You do not need to know that plan unless she decides to share. The fact that you are discussing this behind her back is appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here I am positive she did not get tested yet as I am good friends with someone who is close to this girl. I have heard this third party being vocal that everyone with family history of BC should get tested and indirectly she mentioned that this family not listening.

So according to you there is a mutual friend who is vocal about testing. I’m sure this young woman has seen a doctor who has taken a family history and given advice. You say she’s a smart woman. What do you think your conversation will accomplish? She already knows what she should do. Your advice adds nothing helpful.

[Anonymous]

OP are you ultimately concerned that your son shouldn’t marry her if she might get breast cancer?

Because your son might get hit by a bus crossing the street distracted, and it might be this young woman who chooses to love his and care for him anyway after he is paralyzed and rendered incapable of making love to her.

Seriously, it’s not your business how she chooses to handle her breast cancer risk. If she’s in college, she HAS had the conversation with the OB/GYN at student health, no question. Leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it would be helpful for the woman to know her risk of breast cancer (i.e., whether she carries either of the BRCA genes). However, I am certain she has already been advised of this, since her mom died from BC, so you should be assured that she knows important health history.

When I was diagnosed with BC, I met with a geneticist who ran tests on me. I was negative for either of the BRCA genes, but if I'd come back positive, there was a plan in place - guided by the geneticist - to inform my adult daughters and son.

+1 it would be helpful for the girlfriend to know her risk. I don't think you should say anything to the her but you can educate your son about BC and BRCA genes so he knows about the science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this is not your issue even if she becomes your dil. My mom died of bc in her 40’s. The BRCA genes were discovered 10 or so years later. I asked my ob-gyn if I should get tested - I was in my late 20’s, IIRC. She said to wait until I was done having kids (I wasn’t even married then), wait until I was close to my mom’s age of diagnosis and do it when I would be ready to take action (ie have prophylactic surgery). I’ve mentioned this many times to other doctors and they all said this was good advice. I got tested at 40, was positive and had surgery to remove my ovaries and also had a prophylactic double mastectomy. One of my siblings got tested and the other didn’t - his choice. Not everyone wants to know.

Also, just bc two sisters had it doesn’t mean it is genetic. A cousin by marriage to me had it as did 2 sisters - no BRCA or other gene.

Finally, I have two kids in their early 20’s. They know about their risk. Their doctor says it is way too early to test.

I’m not sure what you are worried about - that your future grandchildren may be at increased risk for BRCA cancers or if you sincerely care about this woman. More likely than not, she has discussed her risks with her doctor and will start mammograms early and has a plan. You do not need to know that plan unless she decides to share. The fact that you are discussing this behind her back is appalling.

Thank you for the most helpful response. Glad all worked out for you and your family.
OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it would be helpful for the woman to know her risk of breast cancer (i.e., whether she carries either of the BRCA genes). However, I am certain she has already been advised of this, since her mom died from BC, so you should be assured that she knows important health history.

When I was diagnosed with BC, I met with a geneticist who ran tests on me. I was negative for either of the BRCA genes, but if I'd come back positive, there was a plan in place - guided by the geneticist - to inform my adult daughters and son.

+1 it would be helpful for the girlfriend to know her risk. I don't think you should say anything to the her but you can educate your son about BC and BRCA genes so he knows about the science.

Than you. I would never talk to her about this . I will wait for another year to talk to my child.
Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it would be helpful for the woman to know her risk of breast cancer (i.e., whether she carries either of the BRCA genes). However, I am certain she has already been advised of this, since her mom died from BC, so you should be assured that she knows important health history.

When I was diagnosed with BC, I met with a geneticist who ran tests on me. I was negative for either of the BRCA genes, but if I'd come back positive, there was a plan in place - guided by the geneticist - to inform my adult daughters and son.

+1 it would be helpful for the girlfriend to know her risk. I don't think you should say anything to the her but you can educate your son about BC and BRCA genes so he knows about the science.

Exactly what do you think op knows about bc and BRCA genetic risks? Because as far as I can tell she knows pretty much nothing about it.

The girl has doctors. Those doctors very likely told her not to begin testing at this time. It’s not the recommended standard of care.