Girlfriend family history

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[Post New]02/19/2023 18:29
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Anonymous
Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?
[Post New]02/19/2023 18:36
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Anonymous
This is not your issue to handle. Also, maybe she already has and just feels her medical information is none of your business, which she'd be right about. This is between her and her doctor. Not you.
[Post New]02/19/2023 18:59
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Anonymous
They are teenagers. This is something that she’ll discuss with her gyn because they will definitely ask about family history and then weigh her risks. She may have already been tested. I had my first biopsy at 18 because of my mom’s history. I would not have wanted to hear anything from a HS boyfriend’s mom.
[Post New]02/19/2023 19:06
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?


Leave it alone. I'm sure her PCP will suggest it so you don't need to. Let them be happy. There are no guarantees in life.
[Post New]02/19/2023 19:08
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.
[Post New]02/19/2023 19:09
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.

NOT all cancer, obviously.
[Post New]02/19/2023 19:11
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing


Do you have any secret, expert knowledge that she doesn't have, or won't get from her doctor? Did she ask you for advice?

Whether or not they stay together for the line run, this might be a good practice for thinking through future conversations with your son and his partner(s). Is it true? Sure. Is it kind? Yes. Is it necessary? No, definitely not. It would be overstepping.
[Post New]02/19/2023 19:43
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Anonymous
I agree it would be helpful for the woman to know her risk of breast cancer (i.e., whether she carries either of the BRCA genes). However, I am certain she has already been advised of this, since her mom died from BC, so you should be assured that she knows important health history.

When I was diagnosed with BC, I met with a geneticist who ran tests on me. I was negative for either of the BRCA genes, but if I'd come back positive, there was a plan in place - guided by the geneticist - to inform my adult daughters and son.
[Post New]02/19/2023 19:59
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:They are teenagers. This is something that she’ll discuss with her gyn because they will definitely ask about family history and then weigh her risks. She may have already been tested. I had my first biopsy at 18 because of my mom’s history. I would not have wanted to hear anything from a HS boyfriend’s mom.


As juniors in college they are most likely not teenagers anymore.
[Post New]02/19/2023 20:28
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:They are teenagers. This is something that she’ll discuss with her gyn because they will definitely ask about family history and then weigh her risks. She may have already been tested. I had my first biopsy at 18 because of my mom’s history. I would not have wanted to hear anything from a HS boyfriend’s mom.


I will never ask her but I just want to talk to my son so that when they start planning future ahead he should ask her. There are preventative steps that can be taken to help them.
[Post New]02/19/2023 20:31
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.


So is ignorance.
[Post New]02/19/2023 20:32
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Anonymous
Op here I am positive she did not get tested yet as I am good friends with someone who is close to this girl. I have heard this third party being vocal that everyone with family history of BC should get tested and indirectly she mentioned that this family not listening.
[Post New]02/19/2023 20:33
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I agree it would be helpful for the woman to know her risk of breast cancer (i.e., whether she carries either of the BRCA genes). However, I am certain she has already been advised of this, since her mom died from BC, so you should be assured that she knows important health history.

When I was diagnosed with BC, I met with a geneticist who ran tests on me. I was negative for either of the BRCA genes, but if I'd come back positive, there was a plan in place - guided by the geneticist - to inform my adult daughters and son.


I am so glad you tested negative.
[Post New]02/19/2023 20:34
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Anonymous
Are you concerned for her, or for your son to marry someone who may get cancer
[Post New]02/19/2023 20:49
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Anonymous
Op, you are so incredibly in the wrong here.
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