My daughter (senior in college) has barely any friends but doesn’t care

[Anonymous]

She went to college during Covid. It's good she has some high school friends to maintain strong relationships with. I didn't graduate from college with a ton of close friends either, to be honest, and I went to school during a normal time with in person classes and activities. I made really good friends in my early 20s who I am still friends with 20+years later (and were part of my Covid bubble!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this troubling. She has been “successful” in college—big state flagship—great grades, had internship, has job lined up etc but keeps in touch with 3 people from high school and just has a bunch of acquaintances from college activities that she does not interact with any of them outside of those activities. She lives with basically random roommates every year. She is unbothered by this, but I think it is socially inappropriate. Would this bother you?

It would only bother me to the extent that I might worry she has undiagnosed and untreated mental illness that is causing it. But if that isn't the case, it may just be the way she is wired and unless she is unhappy...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this troubling. She has been “successful” in college—big state flagship—great grades, had internship, has job lined up etc but keeps in touch with 3 people from high school and just has a bunch of acquaintances from college activities that she does not interact with any of them outside of those activities. She lives with basically random roommates every year. She is unbothered by this, but I think it is socially inappropriate. Would this bother you?

I didn't have many friends in college. I never have. I've never had roommates either. I like my own company.

Socially inappropriate? What does that even mean? Your child is doing well in school and is happy. Not everyone is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes this would bother me as the parent. Logically I know it's fine, everybody is just different, but I had such a polar opposite experience in college that I would wonder why.

What would do about it? Your job is done. It is your dd"s life. She has enough friends for her.

I didn't say I would do anything. Just that it would bother me. It would make me feel sad.

I feel sad for people who need to fill their lives with constant noise and activity. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of 3 sisters. My two awesome fun older sisters had very few close friends while I couldn’t have enough (and couldn’t understand why they didn’t have more - it was def their choice). I’m here to tell you that’s just how they wanted it. They found wonderful spouses and have raised 5 great kids between them. They are happy in life despite going through their whole life with a handful of friends. Different strokes for different folks!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this troubling. She has been “successful” in college—big state flagship—great grades, had internship, has job lined up etc but keeps in touch with 3 people from high school and just has a bunch of acquaintances from college activities that she does not interact with any of them outside of those activities. She lives with basically random roommates every year. She is unbothered by this, but I think it is socially inappropriate. Would this bother you?

She is fine. Once she finds someone she can tolerate or connect with and them her, she'll make closer friends. I had few close friends with whom i did everything with. I sort of wish I had a extended circle and tried more things. It can be comforting but also limiting. Let her do her own thing.

[Anonymous]

This is obviously a concern for you as a caring mom but no need to worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this troubling. She has been “successful” in college—big state flagship—great grades, had internship, has job lined up etc but keeps in touch with 3 people from high school and just has a bunch of acquaintances from college activities that she does not interact with any of them outside of those activities. She lives with basically random roommates every year. She is unbothered by this, but I think it is socially inappropriate. Would this bother you?

You have lost your mind.

I went to high school out of state. I didn’t keep up with very many people. As of today, I *truly* keep up with 3 people from HS. I lived with different people every year in college. I only chose my roommate one year - it was the worst year of my college life.

I had friends, but I was basically welcomed into a lovely group of people who already knew each other.

Nearly 25 years later, I am happily married with children, I am STILL choosy about my friends, and live a great social life that is appropriate FOR ME.

Unless you think she is truly mentally unwell, back off. Socially inappropriate in the context you describe is not a thing for adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing that seems socially inappropriate here is that her mother is telling her how many friends she should have. She sounds like a happy, involved, well adjusted, and social adult. But you will always find some reason to criticize how she runs her life. Soon, she will set her boundaries, move far away, and limit contact.

I agree. You sound like my mom and this is how it turned out.

[Anonymous]

People vary in the number and depth of friendships they need. My best friend is still in touch with kids she went to elementary school with; I haven't spoken to anyone I went to school with since I left each school (ES, HS, college, etc.)

If she is not distressed or unhappy with the quantity or quality of her friendships, then it is not an issue for her. If it's an issue for you, there is judgement coming into play and you are measuring HER life by YOUR standards, which is a recipe for tension.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry about it unless you sense she has anxiety or depression.

My high functioning autistic daughter doesn’t have a ton of close friends, but it doesn’t bother her.

Also some girls who end up dating seriously in college also miss out on generating tons of friends or contacts. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Not a problem. Friends are made in grad school and at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduated from college at age 23. By the time I was 24 I lived many states away and never talked to any of my college friends again. I'm 46 now and don't even remember their names. Maybe one was Nicole, but I'm not sure? Vanessa? I don't know. I'm happy. Not everyone finds their tribe in college, and that's okay.

This was my experience - the people I met in college were not my group. I had fun with them, but never felt like it was a strong connection. I have long-term friends I met in jobs that are much more meaningful relations. I wouldn't worry if they seem happy and doing well then it only bothers you.

[Anonymous]

I think this generation has score of friends on social media, but few if any close friends they can confide in. It is all very superficial.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't care because she will graduate in 4 months and not see people from college again.