Dealing with period at school (DD11)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo got hers at the end of 4th grade. Now in 5th. Both her teachers assured me she could go to the bathroom whenever she asks. She doesn’t know the teachers know, I talked to them privately because she’s so young and I wanted them to be aware. So yes I agree with you that they should be able to use the bathroom whenever. I bet if they knew why they would allow it.

PP here - this to me is TOTALLY different. In Elementary School, you're talking about one teacher, and most girls don't have periods at that point. Plus the embarrassment potential is higher, and the potential to abuse the privilege is lower.

Letting middle schoolers use the bathroom "whenever" I imagine would pretty much immediately be taken advantage of.

I get it. I do. But girls needing to use the bathroom in MS is . .. . pretty necessary. Especially given the short time in between classes (at least at our school). Sorry, this is a hill I would die on if need be. Saying no, esp to girls in MS, is not ok.

[Anonymous]

Reach out to the school nurse to understand how the school supports girls. Bring it up that one of your daughter's teachers has said no one is allowed to use the bathroom during the class and ask if she can globally reach out to teachers to support students, their mental needs, their physical needs as well as academic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reach out to the school nurse to understand how the school supports girls. Bring it up that one of your daughter's teachers has said no one is allowed to use the bathroom during the class and ask if she can globally reach out to teachers to support students, their mental needs, their physical needs as well as academic.

I would also start with the school nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo got hers at the end of 4th grade. Now in 5th. Both her teachers assured me she could go to the bathroom whenever she asks. She doesn’t know the teachers know, I talked to them privately because she’s so young and I wanted them to be aware. So yes I agree with you that they should be able to use the bathroom whenever. I bet if they knew why they would allow it.

PP here - this to me is TOTALLY different. In Elementary School, you're talking about one teacher, and most girls don't have periods at that point. Plus the embarrassment potential is higher, and the potential to abuse the privilege is lower.

Letting middle schoolers use the bathroom "whenever" I imagine would pretty much immediately be taken advantage of.

My DD's middle school is super strict about bathrooms, because you are right, kids run amuck with frequent "bathroom breaks" to skip class, hang out in halls, loiter around, and generally up to no good. I imagine at some middle schools this is more of a problem than at others, but i assume each school/class makes policies based on the general behavior their study body has shown. Ours has strict policies in place. I don't know what they are exactly, but I do know they can't go during the first 10 min or class or the last 10 min and have a limited number of passes they can use weekly or monthly.

Classes are short enough that if one specific teacher isn't giving out passes and it isn't an emergency, she can wait until the next class. Wear a pack up panty liner and use the bathroom when available. Good skill to learn. As an adult, I often am not able to make it to the bathroom whenever I want to every time. There are meetings going on, appointments I can't leave, driving, etc. You have to go when there is opportunity and not want until the last minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 6th grade and just got her period for the second time. She is strategic about what classes she asks to go to the bathroom in, so she can change her pad. I don't know every detail, but I assume it's something like wanting to go to a close bathroom, a more private bathroom, a class she won't miss important things in, maximizing the use of one pad (timing), etc.

She came to me and said, Mrs. O (English) says we can't go to the bathroom in her class anymore, and here's why that's hard for me.... then, we talked and came up with a solution for her to go a bit later in the day.

But this strikes me as unfair and making a hard thing harder, for no reason. I feel like MS teachers should never have this rule. What do you think?

Public or private? If it's public, confirm with the teacher and then go way above her head to have someone explain why this form of gender discrimination is being allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 6th grade and just got her period for the second time. She is strategic about what classes she asks to go to the bathroom in, so she can change her pad. I don't know every detail, but I assume it's something like wanting to go to a close bathroom, a more private bathroom, a class she won't miss important things in, maximizing the use of one pad (timing), etc.

She came to me and said, Mrs. O (English) says we can't go to the bathroom in her class anymore, and here's why that's hard for me.... then, we talked and came up with a solution for her to go a bit later in the day.

But this strikes me as unfair and making a hard thing harder, for no reason. I feel like MS teachers should never have this rule. What do you think?

Public or private? If it's public, confirm with the teacher and then go way above her head to have someone explain why this form of gender discrimination is being allowed

How is is gender discrimination if no one can use the bathroom during her class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are younger than this so please excuse this naive question:

When I was in middle school and high school, we had 4 minutes of “passing time” between classes. If your next class was on the other side of the school, you needed that time to walk there, but most classes were fairly close together, so that was when I changed pads/tampons. And so did everyone else I know. That was when you were supposed to do things like go to the bathroom, get water, go to your locker, etc. So most teachers were unwilling to have you use the bathroom during class, which made perfect sense to me.

Am I missing something here? What’s changed?

Some campuses are bigger than others. Some schools only give three minutes. Sometimes when the bell rings your teacher keeps everyone for an extra 30 seconds. Or keeps you. Or you have to talk to them about something. Or you're carrying three classes worth of heavy books and have to go to the other side of campus to dump those in your locker, get the new books for the next three classes and then go back to the side of campus you were just on. Or between classes you have to run to your sibling's class to drop off a paper because he's home sick but that teacher is a jerk and said if the paper isn't handed in that day they get a 0. Or a thousand other things.

PP here. If it’s 3 minutes, okay, I’d buy that and be concerned.

Beyond that - I don’t find this convincing. I went to what was at the time literally the biggest middle school in the country. (600 kids per grade, 1800 students total) and this was still manageable. You don’t need to change your pad after EVERY class. What, 2x per day? You need to plan. Sometimes you go to the bathroom (when you’ll have the most time and the bathroom is most convenient). Sometimes you’ve got a long walk to the next class and that’s all you do. Sometimes you stop at your locker. Sometimes you run an errand. That’s what passing time is made for!

The fact that so many people are telling you to get the principal involved (!!) when a) there’s a system in place for this - passing time and b) this is just one teacher that won’t let your kid go to the bathroom and you were able to work around it by going in other classes seems crazy to me. You guys are one of Those Parents, I’m sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are younger than this so please excuse this naive question:

When I was in middle school and high school, we had 4 minutes of “passing time” between classes. If your next class was on the other side of the school, you needed that time to walk there, but most classes were fairly close together, so that was when I changed pads/tampons. And so did everyone else I know. That was when you were supposed to do things like go to the bathroom, get water, go to your locker, etc. So most teachers were unwilling to have you use the bathroom during class, which made perfect sense to me.

Am I missing something here? What’s changed?

Some campuses are bigger than others. Some schools only give three minutes. Sometimes when the bell rings your teacher keeps everyone for an extra 30 seconds. Or keeps you. Or you have to talk to them about something. Or you're carrying three classes worth of heavy books and have to go to the other side of campus to dump those in your locker, get the new books for the next three classes and then go back to the side of campus you were just on. Or between classes you have to run to your sibling's class to drop off a paper because he's home sick but that teacher is a jerk and said if the paper isn't handed in that day they get a 0. Or a thousand other things.

PP here. If it’s 3 minutes, okay, I’d buy that and be concerned.

Beyond that - I don’t find this convincing. I went to what was at the time literally the biggest middle school in the country. (600 kids per grade, 1800 students total) and this was still manageable. You don’t need to change your pad after EVERY class. What, 2x per day? You need to plan. Sometimes you go to the bathroom (when you’ll have the most time and the bathroom is most convenient). Sometimes you’ve got a long walk to the next class and that’s all you do. Sometimes you stop at your locker. Sometimes you run an errand. That’s what passing time is made for!

The fact that so many people are telling you to get the principal involved (!!) when a) there’s a system in place for this - passing time and b) this is just one teacher that won’t let your kid go to the bathroom and you were able to work around it by going in other classes seems crazy to me. You guys are one of Those Parents, I’m sorry to say.

I agree. Its time management and part of life.

[Anonymous]

Compounding problem are schools that are shutting down certain bathrooms (because kids vaping) and girls who have heavy flow and even as I read in these replies, unless or you too someone has truly heavy flow, there is not compassion for yes, you may need to change every hour. Still beyond me how 50% of population have periods but standard is still to have it kept quiet and not interrupt day.

[Anonymous]

My DD started her period in elem. so that was okay. But when she went to middle school, we found out that her school locks up most of the restrooms except for 4 girls's bathrooms that are in the central part of the school. She tried to strategically time when she went (picked a time when she was close to those bathrooms) only to be met with a line with 4 girls in front of her.
She hates being late so she gave up. Now she wears a heavy flow pad during her period. She stopped with tampons because she felt more urgency to change them. She manages but I hate that the school won't budge on opening up more bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD started her period in elem. so that was okay. But when she went to middle school, we found out that her school locks up most of the restrooms except for 4 girls's bathrooms that are in the central part of the school. She tried to strategically time when she went (picked a time when she was close to those bathrooms) only to be met with a line with 4 girls in front of her.
She hates being late so she gave up. Now she wears a heavy flow pad during her period. She stopped with tampons because she felt more urgency to change them. She manages but I hate that the school won't budge on opening up more bathrooms.

I feel for her. My dd is a freshman at Poolesville HS and she only knows of 2 girls’ restrooms there (not including health room). Recently, one of them was locked all day until the police could investigate graffiti there for a possible hate crime, which left only one bathroom for the whole female student body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 6th grade and just got her period for the second time. She is strategic about what classes she asks to go to the bathroom in, so she can change her pad. I don't know every detail, but I assume it's something like wanting to go to a close bathroom, a more private bathroom, a class she won't miss important things in, maximizing the use of one pad (timing), etc.

She came to me and said, Mrs. O (English) says we can't go to the bathroom in her class anymore, and here's why that's hard for me.... then, we talked and came up with a solution for her to go a bit later in the day.

But this strikes me as unfair and making a hard thing harder, for no reason. I feel like MS teachers should never have this rule. What do you think?

Public or private? If it's public, confirm with the teacher and then go way above her head to have someone explain why this form of gender discrimination is being allowed

How is is gender discrimination if no one can use the bathroom during her class?

because menstruation is associated only with women and that makes it subject to title IX protections

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 6th grade and just got her period for the second time. She is strategic about what classes she asks to go to the bathroom in, so she can change her pad. I don't know every detail, but I assume it's something like wanting to go to a close bathroom, a more private bathroom, a class she won't miss important things in, maximizing the use of one pad (timing), etc.

She came to me and said, Mrs. O (English) says we can't go to the bathroom in her class anymore, and here's why that's hard for me.... then, we talked and came up with a solution for her to go a bit later in the day.

But this strikes me as unfair and making a hard thing harder, for no reason. I feel like MS teachers should never have this rule. What do you think?

Public or private? If it's public, confirm with the teacher and then go way above her head to have someone explain why this form of gender discrimination is being allowed

How is is gender discrimination if no one can use the bathroom during her class?

Are you a menstruating person???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD started her period in elem. so that was okay. But when she went to middle school, we found out that her school locks up most of the restrooms except for 4 girls's bathrooms that are in the central part of the school. She tried to strategically time when she went (picked a time when she was close to those bathrooms) only to be met with a line with 4 girls in front of her.
She hates being late so she gave up. Now she wears a heavy flow pad during her period. She stopped with tampons because she felt more urgency to change them. She manages but I hate that the school won't budge on opening up more bathrooms.

This is so common.

Lots of people here clueless about MS.

Imagine your experience is different than others! If passing times is 3 minutes, OK, you have a point, but if it's 4! Get outta here! DEAL with it!
There are many reasons that certain classes and times are not possibilities. At all. Nothing to do with not trying hard enough.

[Anonymous]

Hard disagree on the restriction being “a part of life.” Would any of you accept your boss telling you when you can and can’t use the restroom? If some kids are skipping class, then better monitoring and larger deterrents are need to curb that behavior. It is wild how many adults are willing to accept the casual carceral organization of school life. Wild.