Dealing with period at school (DD11)

[Anonymous]

DD is in 6th grade and just got her period for the second time. She is strategic about what classes she asks to go to the bathroom in, so she can change her pad. I don't know every detail, but I assume it's something like wanting to go to a close bathroom, a more private bathroom, a class she won't miss important things in, maximizing the use of one pad (timing), etc.

She came to me and said, Mrs. O (English) says we can't go to the bathroom in her class anymore, and here's why that's hard for me.... then, we talked and came up with a solution for her to go a bit later in the day.

But this strikes me as unfair and making a hard thing harder, for no reason. I feel like MS teachers should never have this rule. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

It’s always unfair to not let people who legitimately need to use the bathroom go to the bathroom. It’s also unfair for kids to continue to interrupt class with bogus bathroom requests.

Try period underwear for your DD.

[Anonymous]

My 10yo got hers at the end of 4th grade. Now in 5th. Both her teachers assured me she could go to the bathroom whenever she asks. She doesn’t know the teachers know, I talked to them privately because she’s so young and I wanted them to be aware. So yes I agree with you that they should be able to use the bathroom whenever. I bet if they knew why they would allow it.

[Anonymous]

I usually don't jump straight to "talk to the teacher" and it sounds like your daughter is doing a good job of managing her schedule... but sometimes things happen. Can you reach out to the teacher and let her know that your daughter understands the rules but may have an emergency and need to go when she has her period? I don't like the idea of a "no bathrooms ever" rule but I have also never tried to corral a room of 11 year olds and keep them on task!

My daughter got hers on the early side of things (5th grade) and I did let her teacher know about it to make things smoother.

How long are breaks between classes and lunch? can she pop into the restroom then?

[Anonymous]

It’s a real problem. Last year, my 8th grader’s school implemented a rule that students couldn’t go to the restroom during the first or last 10 minutes of any class. DD often couldn’t go to the restroom during a class when there was a test given because she couldn’t be sure to have enough time to complete the test. She might finish the test with 5-10 minutes left in the class…but then she wouldn’t be allowed to go to the restroom until 10 minutes into the next class, and if there was a test in the next class also, oh well, she’d have to wait until lunch. It’s not fair that they place restrictions on everyone because of a few kids who abuse restroom access.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, my heart goes out to your daughter and all the others. It’s already awkward and tricky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 6th grade and just got her period for the second time. She is strategic about what classes she asks to go to the bathroom in, so she can change her pad. I don't know every detail, but I assume it's something like wanting to go to a close bathroom, a more private bathroom, a class she won't miss important things in, maximizing the use of one pad (timing), etc.

She came to me and said, Mrs. O (English) says we can't go to the bathroom in her class anymore, and here's why that's hard for me.... then, we talked and came up with a solution for her to go a bit later in the day.

But this strikes me as unfair and making a hard thing harder, for no reason. I feel like MS teachers should never have this rule. What do you think?

Ms. O and I would be having a talk, with the principal if necessary, about how my DD will be using the bathroom if she needs it. END of story.

[Anonymous]

Has she told the teacher she has her period? I understand she may be uncomfortable but teachers hear this all of the time. She will let her go. I am a teacher and let anyone go to the bathroom whenever they need to. I can tell some girls really hate missing class and quietly whisper various things to me about it being that time of the month. I let them know they can use the bathroom whenever they need to. I teach HS.

I know some middle school teachers are strict because there can be behavior issues in the hall or bathroom. Your daughter or you can email the teacher if she doesn’t want to say it in person. She will be allowed to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 6th grade and just got her period for the second time. She is strategic about what classes she asks to go to the bathroom in, so she can change her pad. I don't know every detail, but I assume it's something like wanting to go to a close bathroom, a more private bathroom, a class she won't miss important things in, maximizing the use of one pad (timing), etc.

She came to me and said, Mrs. O (English) says we can't go to the bathroom in her class anymore, and here's why that's hard for me.... then, we talked and came up with a solution for her to go a bit later in the day.

But this strikes me as unfair and making a hard thing harder, for no reason. I feel like MS teachers should never have this rule. What do you think?

Ms. O and I would be having a talk, with the principal if necessary, about how my DD will be using the bathroom if she needs it. END of story.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the teacher. I have boys and I saw one day during school few of them chatted to meet in the bathrooms same time. When I asked he said oh just for fun, had to give him lecture to jot repeat it so teacher doesn’t ban going to restroom in case someone need to go urgently.I totally understand why teachers make a general rule.

[Anonymous]

My 6th grader DD got her period when she was in 5th grade. She was super nervous about starting 6th grade during last summer. We talked about it and apparently she was anxious about how to handle period in middle school because she heard that kids are not necessarily allowed to go to bathroom whenever they want. I reached out to school counselor on the first week of 6th grade. The counselor talked to DD and they developed a “plan.” DD has not been nervous about period since then.

[Anonymous]

My kids are younger than this so please excuse this naive question:

When I was in middle school and high school, we had 4 minutes of “passing time” between classes. If your next class was on the other side of the school, you needed that time to walk there, but most classes were fairly close together, so that was when I changed pads/tampons. And so did everyone else I know. That was when you were supposed to do things like go to the bathroom, get water, go to your locker, etc. So most teachers were unwilling to have you use the bathroom during class, which made perfect sense to me.

Am I missing something here? What’s changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo got hers at the end of 4th grade. Now in 5th. Both her teachers assured me she could go to the bathroom whenever she asks. She doesn’t know the teachers know, I talked to them privately because she’s so young and I wanted them to be aware. So yes I agree with you that they should be able to use the bathroom whenever. I bet if they knew why they would allow it.

PP here - this to me is TOTALLY different. In Elementary School, you're talking about one teacher, and most girls don't have periods at that point. Plus the embarrassment potential is higher, and the potential to abuse the privilege is lower.

Letting middle schoolers use the bathroom "whenever" I imagine would pretty much immediately be taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are younger than this so please excuse this naive question:

When I was in middle school and high school, we had 4 minutes of “passing time” between classes. If your next class was on the other side of the school, you needed that time to walk there, but most classes were fairly close together, so that was when I changed pads/tampons. And so did everyone else I know. That was when you were supposed to do things like go to the bathroom, get water, go to your locker, etc. So most teachers were unwilling to have you use the bathroom during class, which made perfect sense to me.

Am I missing something here? What’s changed?

Some campuses are bigger than others. Some schools only give three minutes. Sometimes when the bell rings your teacher keeps everyone for an extra 30 seconds. Or keeps you. Or you have to talk to them about something. Or you're carrying three classes worth of heavy books and have to go to the other side of campus to dump those in your locker, get the new books for the next three classes and then go back to the side of campus you were just on. Or between classes you have to run to your sibling's class to drop off a paper because he's home sick but that teacher is a jerk and said if the paper isn't handed in that day they get a 0. Or a thousand other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are younger than this so please excuse this naive question:

When I was in middle school and high school, we had 4 minutes of “passing time” between classes. If your next class was on the other side of the school, you needed that time to walk there, but most classes were fairly close together, so that was when I changed pads/tampons. And so did everyone else I know. That was when you were supposed to do things like go to the bathroom, get water, go to your locker, etc. So most teachers were unwilling to have you use the bathroom during class, which made perfect sense to me.

Am I missing something here? What’s changed?

There's not time