What’s more attractive: fit/athletic or just thin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am naturally thin (not a result of diet/exercise) and have been very fit and athletic at times in my life, and also not fit at times in my life. But always thing because that's my natural body type.

I have had a couple boyfriends tell me explicitly during my "not fit" eras that they liked that I was thin without being super hard bodied. They liked that my body was "soft" so to speak. It had never occurred to me that this was a distinction a man might make, but I do understand it. A soft body feels different than a hard body, especially when you are intimate. There is also a power dynamic here. Most men like to feel like the more physically strong partner in a heterosexual relationship (not all) and a small, soft body is therefor their ideal. This is not a humblebrag, by the way -- this was a disturbing discovery for me to make because it is uncomfortable to realize that the man you are with values your physical weakness. It's a mind f***. I didn't marry one of those men, fyi.

However, especially as we age, there are fewer and fewer people who can be thin but soft. And so most men have to choose. Some choose soft, and actually like women who are curvier with more cushioning. They are okay with a woman who is bigger, and might even like it, because what they really like is that softness. And some choose thin, accepting this means a harder body. But I don't think most men really like a harder a body, most of the time.

IME, the men who actively prefer a hard bodied woman tend to be very fit themselves, and are often very physically imposing. They can be with hard bodied women and still feel like the strong one.

There is a tiny minority of straight (so not including bi men) guys who don't feel the need to be the physically dominant partner, for whom these rules don't apply. They are rare.

Hmm. I think you are taking too dark a view of why many men like their female partners to have some softness to them. Some people just appreciate the contrast or the cozy feel of some curves.

Not a "dark view" -- I've had men explain this to me very explicitly. They will talk about how they like it when a woman's body makes them feel strong or powerful. I think people really underestimate how important this is to most men, even men who are avowed feminists or who would never admit it out loud. Whether you're talking about a soft body or a small body, there is a reason these bodies are described as "feminine" -- it's the perceived contrast with a "masculine" body that is larger and harder.

Again, these are not my preferences and it was disturbing for me to learn this, but I'm reporting back what I've learned. Men really, really like to feel like the strong one. It is very rare to find a man who doesn't. For instance, do you know any men who are especially complimentary of how athletic or strong their wives are? I do. Now ask yourself, are those guys, almost universally, tall and broad shouldered? In my case, to a man. I think these guys especially like bragging about their "strong wives" because they are so obviously still taller/bigger/stronger, so it actually emphasizes their own strength.

This stuff is very engrained.

[Anonymous]

The thing about thin women is even when they are fit they just look lithe like ballerinas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am naturally thin (not a result of diet/exercise) and have been very fit and athletic at times in my life, and also not fit at times in my life. But always thing because that's my natural body type.

I have had a couple boyfriends tell me explicitly during my "not fit" eras that they liked that I was thin without being super hard bodied. They liked that my body was "soft" so to speak. It had never occurred to me that this was a distinction a man might make, but I do understand it. A soft body feels different than a hard body, especially when you are intimate. There is also a power dynamic here. Most men like to feel like the more physically strong partner in a heterosexual relationship (not all) and a small, soft body is therefor their ideal. This is not a humblebrag, by the way -- this was a disturbing discovery for me to make because it is uncomfortable to realize that the man you are with values your physical weakness. It's a mind f***. I didn't marry one of those men, fyi.

However, especially as we age, there are fewer and fewer people who can be thin but soft. And so most men have to choose. Some choose soft, and actually like women who are curvier with more cushioning. They are okay with a woman who is bigger, and might even like it, because what they really like is that softness. And some choose thin, accepting this means a harder body. But I don't think most men really like a harder a body, most of the time.

IME, the men who actively prefer a hard bodied woman tend to be very fit themselves, and are often very physically imposing. They can be with hard bodied women and still feel like the strong one.

There is a tiny minority of straight (so not including bi men) guys who don't feel the need to be the physically dominant partner, for whom these rules don't apply. They are rare.

Hmm. I think you are taking too dark a view of why many men like their female partners to have some softness to them. Some people just appreciate the contrast or the cozy feel of some curves.

Not a "dark view" -- I've had men explain this to me very explicitly. They will talk about how they like it when a woman's body makes them feel strong or powerful. I think people really underestimate how important this is to most men, even men who are avowed feminists or who would never admit it out loud. Whether you're talking about a soft body or a small body, there is a reason these bodies are described as "feminine" -- it's the perceived contrast with a "masculine" body that is larger and harder.

Again, these are not my preferences and it was disturbing for me to learn this, but I'm reporting back what I've learned. Men really, really like to feel like the strong one. It is very rare to find a man who doesn't. For instance, do you know any men who are especially complimentary of how athletic or strong their wives are? I do. Now ask yourself, are those guys, almost universally, tall and broad shouldered? In my case, to a man. I think these guys especially like bragging about their "strong wives" because they are so obviously still taller/bigger/stronger, so it actually emphasizes their own strength.

This stuff is very engrained.

I’ve had numerous women explicitly tell me that they like men who are big, strong, and physically dominant. Nothing dark about it - they like what they like. This too is ingrained. I’ve never met a woman who says she doesn’t like strong men (so long as he doesn’t take it too far and become a roided up freak).

It would be frankly extremely embarrassing not to be much stronger than your wife or girlfriend, no matter how strong or athletic she is. It’s just basic physiology that men are much stronger, in general, than women. That’s why they have separate sports leagues.

[Anonymous]

I asked, and he said he prefers in the middle: fit and thin but with curves.

This is not the middle. This is like three different body types morphed into one: no additional fat (thin), but with curves (eg boobs and butt) and muscles (but not muscular, because you still need to be thin, except where you are supposed to be curvy).

the "middle' would be: healthy range body fat and in shape enough to lift 40lbs and do an 8 mile hike.

[Anonymous]

Athelize and thin with firm shapely large butts and boobs and blonde hair, requires plastic surgery on a naturally thin body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know they say women can’t bulk up from weightlifting, but I disagree, especially if she has a larger build to start from, you can see the chunk. And if she’s short the effect is magnified even further on her proportions. I think in a classical sense, naturally shapely courtesy of a healthy hormonal profile is what’s most attractive. But men are attracted to women with a pulse if they’re around them long enough, so who cares what they think.

Bulking up depends on muscle tone (that is a neurological term). Average to high tone can hold muscle shape; below average cannot no matter what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are fit and athletic usually have a glow and vigor which are much more attractive than just being slim.

+1

The advice i was given from a personal trainer: if you’re purely motivated by looking hot, you will look hotter by gaining 5 lbs of muscle than you will losing 5 lbs of fat.

Old women will not believe or accept this reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Athelize and thin with firm shapely large butts and boobs and blonde hair, requires plastic surgery on a naturally thin body.

There is nothing worse than an otherwise athletic woman with bolt ons and a giant ass

[Anonymous]

I'm more of an athletic person myself but not overly fit. I like a little softness and curves.

[Anonymous]

I am neither and get plenty of male attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am naturally thin (not a result of diet/exercise) and have been very fit and athletic at times in my life, and also not fit at times in my life. But always thing because that's my natural body type.

I have had a couple boyfriends tell me explicitly during my "not fit" eras that they liked that I was thin without being super hard bodied. They liked that my body was "soft" so to speak. It had never occurred to me that this was a distinction a man might make, but I do understand it. A soft body feels different than a hard body, especially when you are intimate. There is also a power dynamic here. Most men like to feel like the more physically strong partner in a heterosexual relationship (not all) and a small, soft body is therefor their ideal. This is not a humblebrag, by the way -- this was a disturbing discovery for me to make because it is uncomfortable to realize that the man you are with values your physical weakness. It's a mind f***. I didn't marry one of those men, fyi.

However, especially as we age, there are fewer and fewer people who can be thin but soft. And so most men have to choose. Some choose soft, and actually like women who are curvier with more cushioning. They are okay with a woman who is bigger, and might even like it, because what they really like is that softness. And some choose thin, accepting this means a harder body. But I don't think most men really like a harder a body, most of the time.

IME, the men who actively prefer a hard bodied woman tend to be very fit themselves, and are often very physically imposing. They can be with hard bodied women and still feel like the strong one.

There is a tiny minority of straight (so not including bi men) guys who don't feel the need to be the physically dominant partner, for whom these rules don't apply. They are rare.

Hmm. I think you are taking too dark a view of why many men like their female partners to have some softness to them. Some people just appreciate the contrast or the cozy feel of some curves.

Not a "dark view" -- I've had men explain this to me very explicitly. They will talk about how they like it when a woman's body makes them feel strong or powerful. I think people really underestimate how important this is to most men, even men who are avowed feminists or who would never admit it out loud. Whether you're talking about a soft body or a small body, there is a reason these bodies are described as "feminine" -- it's the perceived contrast with a "masculine" body that is larger and harder.

Again, these are not my preferences and it was disturbing for me to learn this, but I'm reporting back what I've learned. Men really, really like to feel like the strong one. It is very rare to find a man who doesn't. For instance, do you know any men who are especially complimentary of how athletic or strong their wives are? I do. Now ask yourself, are those guys, almost universally, tall and broad shouldered? In my case, to a man. I think these guys especially like bragging about their "strong wives" because they are so obviously still taller/bigger/stronger, so it actually emphasizes their own strength.

This stuff is very engrained.

I’ve had a couple of men tell me this as well, related to intimacy. Like you, “political me” was disturbed by the admission (we’re all equal, blah blah blah). But “science me” understands the biological underpinnings behind the preference.

In fact one of the guys, a much younger millennial (I’m gen x) used to give me grief because i wasn’t as enlightened as he and his peers on all the interpersonal issues. His id belies his voting patterns, it seems

[Anonymous]

Athletic/fit and feminine in a bed would be preferred

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No agenda here, I’m just curious what your perspective is, whether you’re a straight man or a woman with insights from men. I happen to be in the “fit/athletic” category, but I can see how some men might prefer more traditionally slender and feminine.

Do men prefer women who are fit and toned from exercising, or do they prefer thin women who eat less?

Balance. Too muscular and too thin, both extremes point to behavioral issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am naturally thin (not a result of diet/exercise) and have been very fit and athletic at times in my life, and also not fit at times in my life. But always thing because that's my natural body type.

I have had a couple boyfriends tell me explicitly during my "not fit" eras that they liked that I was thin without being super hard bodied. They liked that my body was "soft" so to speak. It had never occurred to me that this was a distinction a man might make, but I do understand it. A soft body feels different than a hard body, especially when you are intimate. There is also a power dynamic here. Most men like to feel like the more physically strong partner in a heterosexual relationship (not all) and a small, soft body is therefor their ideal. This is not a humblebrag, by the way -- this was a disturbing discovery for me to make because it is uncomfortable to realize that the man you are with values your physical weakness. It's a mind f***. I didn't marry one of those men, fyi.

However, especially as we age, there are fewer and fewer people who can be thin but soft. And so most men have to choose. Some choose soft, and actually like women who are curvier with more cushioning. They are okay with a woman who is bigger, and might even like it, because what they really like is that softness. And some choose thin, accepting this means a harder body. But I don't think most men really like a harder a body, most of the time.

IME, the men who actively prefer a hard bodied woman tend to be very fit themselves, and are often very physically imposing. They can be with hard bodied women and still feel like the strong one.

There is a tiny minority of straight (so not including bi men) guys who don't feel the need to be the physically dominant partner, for whom these rules don't apply. They are rare.

99% of women are physically weaker than men. A woman who is fit/in shape is still going to be significantly weaker than the vast majority of men, even those who are not body builders.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, do women care what men think anymore? Women who are still trying to make their body a certain way for men seem to be rare now, no? Is this a thing for younger women anymore?

I am not young (45 and fit) and never tried to attract men, but they always seemed to be circling since my teen years. I have always had partners and have been married for 16 years. I can't even imagine putting in effort based on their opinions so maybe I am naive.