What’s more attractive: fit/athletic or just thin?

[Anonymous]

Guy here. My dw has always been very fit and athletic. She just turned 50 and she still looks amazing. I don’t really find “skinny” that attractive. I like healthy looking with curves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked, and he said he prefers in the middle: fit and thin but with curves.

Your DH seems to be under the delusion that Barbie is anatomically plausible.

[Anonymous]

Women over 40 that are *just thin but not fit/athletic tend to get sinewy and emaciated looking as they age. Young women can be thin and not necessarily athletic while being soft and feminine looking

[Anonymous]

JDBF
just don't be fat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am naturally thin (not a result of diet/exercise) and have been very fit and athletic at times in my life, and also not fit at times in my life. But always thing because that's my natural body type.

I have had a couple boyfriends tell me explicitly during my "not fit" eras that they liked that I was thin without being super hard bodied. They liked that my body was "soft" so to speak. It had never occurred to me that this was a distinction a man might make, but I do understand it. A soft body feels different than a hard body, especially when you are intimate. There is also a power dynamic here. Most men like to feel like the more physically strong partner in a heterosexual relationship (not all) and a small, soft body is therefor their ideal. This is not a humblebrag, by the way -- this was a disturbing discovery for me to make because it is uncomfortable to realize that the man you are with values your physical weakness. It's a mind f***. I didn't marry one of those men, fyi.

However, especially as we age, there are fewer and fewer people who can be thin but soft. And so most men have to choose. Some choose soft, and actually like women who are curvier with more cushioning. They are okay with a woman who is bigger, and might even like it, because what they really like is that softness. And some choose thin, accepting this means a harder body. But I don't think most men really like a harder a body, most of the time.

IME, the men who actively prefer a hard bodied woman tend to be very fit themselves, and are often very physically imposing. They can be with hard bodied women and still feel like the strong one.

There is a tiny minority of straight (so not including bi men) guys who don't feel the need to be the physically dominant partner, for whom these rules don't apply. They are rare.

Hmm. I think you are taking too dark a view of why many men like their female partners to have some softness to them. Some people just appreciate the contrast or the cozy feel of some curves.

Not a "dark view" -- I've had men explain this to me very explicitly. They will talk about how they like it when a woman's body makes them feel strong or powerful. I think people really underestimate how important this is to most men, even men who are avowed feminists or who would never admit it out loud. Whether you're talking about a soft body or a small body, there is a reason these bodies are described as "feminine" -- it's the perceived contrast with a "masculine" body that is larger and harder.

Again, these are not my preferences and it was disturbing for me to learn this, but I'm reporting back what I've learned. Men really, really like to feel like the strong one. It is very rare to find a man who doesn't. For instance, do you know any men who are especially complimentary of how athletic or strong their wives are? I do. Now ask yourself, are those guys, almost universally, tall and broad shouldered? In my case, to a man. I think these guys especially like bragging about their "strong wives" because they are so obviously still taller/bigger/stronger, so it actually emphasizes their own strength.

This stuff is very engrained.

I’m the PP you are responding to, and all the men in my life are drawn to strong, athletic women. My DH is very much this way, and he’s 5’9” to my 5’7”. Definitely is fine with some extra weight, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No agenda here, I’m just curious what your perspective is, whether you’re a straight man or a woman with insights from men. I happen to be in the “fit/athletic” category, but I can see how some men might prefer more traditionally slender and feminine.

Do men prefer women who are fit and toned from exercising, or do they prefer thin women who eat less?

Are you a member of the Brain Trust that regularly posts penetrating questions like, “How to marry a man who will be a VP by 30” and “Why do rich men seem to heavily prefer very skinny women? Even over a beautiful face?”

[Anonymous]

My father used to tell us (my sisters and me) "stay in shape but don't get too muscular -- men don't like that." We were athletic. He was also concerned that we not get fat. He is "traditional man." These days it seems creepy, and maybe is, for father to take an interest in girls' bodies. OTOH, just read this thing in the Economist that said it's in any woman's interest to be as thin as possible (thin women earn more money, have better outcomes). End of story, my sisters and I are all thin, married, with money.

[Anonymous]

It’s cute that you’re all trying to suggest that only gen x and older cares about being skinny, but apparently gen z is even more obsessed with dieting and being skinny than the olds.

https://theconversation.com/gen-z-teens-dieting-and-worrying-about-weight-more-than-previous-generations-150297

So they may say “yay all body shapes” but ultimately they want to be skinnier than ever.

But nice try!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father used to tell us (my sisters and me) "stay in shape but don't get too muscular -- men don't like that." We were athletic. He was also concerned that we not get fat. He is "traditional man." These days it seems creepy, and maybe is, for father to take an interest in girls' bodies. OTOH, just read this thing in the Economist that said it's in any woman's interest to be as thin as possible (thin women earn more money, have better outcomes). End of story, my sisters and I are all thin, married, with money.

The good news is that it’s essentially impossible for women to get “too muscular” without using industrial strength steroids.

And FFS there is nothing creepy about a father not wanting his daughters to be fat.

[Anonymous]

42 year male, neither is attractive to me.
Ideal for me is 5’3-5’5
145-150 lbs
Saggy boobs
Nice but
Full bush
Some stretch marks
Great smile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s cute that you’re all trying to suggest that only gen x and older cares about being skinny, but apparently gen z is even more obsessed with dieting and being skinny than the olds.

https://theconversation.com/gen-z-teens-dieting-and-worrying-about-weight-more-than-previous-generations-150297

So they may say “yay all body shapes” but ultimately they want to be skinnier than ever.

But nice try!

I think that people are absolutely more accepting of different body shapes. What they’re actually attracted to is totally different though. Also, social media has had an impact - people can be famous and make money for doing little more than being fit.

[Anonymous]

This really depends on the guy, OP. I’m a woman with muscles and have had no trouble finding interested guys. Physically, they’ve ranged from men who were thinner than me and about my height (5’8) to taller, more built guys to everything in between.

IME, it’s mostly been a good way to filter out insecure men. I get that people have their intimate preferences and those don’t have to do with emotional security, but I’ve definitely known men who were intimated by strong-looking women. Pass.

[Anonymous]

Thin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. My dw has always been very fit and athletic. She just turned 50 and she still looks amazing. I don’t really find “skinny” that attractive. I like healthy looking with curves.

50 YO fit wife guy again. We’re in a ski trip this week and after taking yesterday we hit the hot tub. When she ditched her jacket and snow pants she looked really hot in her bikini. It shows that she’s had a life of athletics and working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to change your body to attract a man.

If you like being fit/athletic as opposed to thin do tgat and find someone who likes that.

Guessing they don't want to attract 'a man' but leverage maximum social power over the broadest range of men?