Weddings

[Anonymous]

No feminist woman would accept this, nor would a respectable groom from a decent family.

[Anonymous]

Weddings should be simple, relaxed, fun and inexpensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weddings should be simple, relaxed, fun and inexpensive.

Who are you to be the judge, jury, and executioner on what a wedding should be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings should be simple, relaxed, fun and inexpensive.

Who are you to be the judge, jury, and executioner on what a wedding should be?

Not judging individuals, just suggesting change is societal trends. Stiff and fancy choreographed events seem silly and stressful, not to mention a bad use of money in this economy but to each its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings should be simple, relaxed, fun and inexpensive.

Who are you to be the judge, jury, and executioner on what a wedding should be?

Not judging individuals, just suggesting change is societal trends. Stiff and fancy choreographed events seem silly and stressful, not to mention a bad use of money in this economy but to each its own.

You should make more money and then you won't care how others spend theirs.

[Anonymous]

My daughter and her husband were early to mid-20’s and we paid for the bulk of the wedding, they contributed some, and the groom’s parents contributed some. The couple was just getting started in their careers, and though high-paying, we didn’t want them to have to contribute a lot of their savings. This worked for us because we saved a lot of money on her tuition because of a generous scholarship and we have a healthy retirement savings account. The groom’s parents are not as well off so we didn’t ask for any contribution, but we accepted what they had to offer—which helped a lot. The couple paid for some things that were must-haves for themselves, but not standard. This is what worked in our situation and I think it differs for every family.

[Anonymous]

I believe bride and groom's families should split it, or each give identical amounts. Petty, but it always bugged me that my inlaws didn't give us anything for our wedding other than a shower gift. They paid 40-50k for their two daughter's weddings though and they're both divorced now. I'm planning equal amounts for my sons and daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weddings should be simple, relaxed, fun and inexpensive.

Great- call it a birthday party and hold it for yourself. I think weddings should be serious and full of love. Receptions can be fun and relaxed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings should be simple, relaxed, fun and inexpensive.

Great- call it a birthday party and hold it for yourself. I think weddings should be serious and full of love. Receptions can be fun and relaxed.

serious and formal ones feel similar to funerals for living.

[Anonymous]

Love can be expressed and celebrated in inexpensive and fun ways, with no rehearsals and drills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love can be expressed and celebrated in inexpensive and fun ways, with no rehearsals and drills.

Love can also be expressed and celebrated in expensive and fun ways! Why is it an either/or?

[Anonymous]

One of our children is currently planning the first wedding in our family. They are very frugal and do not have a big, fancy event planned. We are lucky to be in a position where we can help out and offered an amount that was doable to us. We also took into account that we have other children (sons and daughters) that we would offer the same amount to, so it is all fair.
In this case, the other partner's family is offering to help too, which is so nice. But we are not sure that would happen with our other children, so we will offer the same amount, and it will be up to them to plan to stay within said amount or contribute more themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three of our daughters have gotten married. All three were in their mid 20s or so. We happily paid for the bulk of all three weddings. Each wedding could not have been more different from the other, but each was exactly what the couple wanted and was very, very nice. I’d say the cheapest of the 3 was about $50k and the most expensive was closer to $100k.

We accepted when offered but never requested any help from the grooms’ parents or the couples, and never ever talked to any of them about money. One of the grooms’ parents wanted to spring for the wedding cake, for example, and another wanted to provide the booze - in both cases we said “sure, thank you very much” and that was that. Had they not offered, we wouldn’t have cared or judged.

There’s so much acrimony on DCUM when it comes to family, in laws, kids, who pays for what, etc etc etc. We have never experienced any of that. We’re lucky, I guess.

You've lots of money and willing to spend it on parties so good for you. Not everyone can need or want to.

Well, they weren’t parties they were weddings. A one time thing. So we didn’t mind. We also have pretty sensible kids who didn’t go overboard. They had a pretty good sense for what was reasonable and what wasn’t. We also learned from our mistakes with the first wedding, which was the most expensive. We trimmed the guest list for the other weddings, for example, inviting fewer of our friends who had less of a connection to the couple. After all, weddings are mostly about the couple, their family, and their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its very medieval for parents of the bride to pay for the wedding? Do you expect dowry as well?

Parents spend on education of their daughters, daughters have careers, they earn and contribute to the family finances. They aren't underage girls with no earnings, no need to spend retirement resources on parties to impress people who wouldn't care next day.

I’m the poster who paid for three daughters’ weddings. I didn’t use “retirement resources” to pay for them. And all of my daughters are feminists. You can be a feminist and still want a nice wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe bride and groom's families should split it, or each give identical amounts. Petty, but it always bugged me that my inlaws didn't give us anything for our wedding other than a shower gift. They paid 40-50k for their two daughter's weddings though and they're both divorced now. I'm planning equal amounts for my sons and daughters.

We made it to page two before somebody took a gratuitous swipe at their in laws. That might be a record!