Weddings

[Anonymous]

What's the best way for bride, groom, bride's parents and groom's parents to split expenses so nobody is burdened?

[Anonymous]

How old is the couple? After a certain age, the couple pays for the wedding.

I have never heard of the groom's parents paying.

[Anonymous]

Imho, couple should have a simple wedding they can afford themselves. However, if they are newly employed and parents can help then its only fair if both side of parents pitch in as much as they can comfortably offer. Why only bride's side?

[Anonymous]

Groom parent here and I paid half. Wedding was nice, but not extravagant. To be specific, we gave X amount, bride’s side did the same and the couple worked within the budget.

[Anonymous]

We have a wedding savings account for all DC - boys and girls have the same. It is for DC to use on wedding, or elope and use towards a house, or both. Money goes to them at 30 if not married and they can fund wedding on their own if they marry after that age.

[Anonymous]

Elope. Wish I had.

[Anonymous]

Each set of inlaws should tell the couple what they are willing and able to contribute. Could be $5k, $20k something inbetween or nothing.

Couple looks at amount available (plus whatever they can contribute), and has an affordable wedding, or elopeds and uses the cash for a down payment on a house

This is the only appropriate answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each set of inlaws should tell the couple what they are willing and able to contribute. Could be $5k, $20k something inbetween or nothing.

Couple looks at amount available (plus whatever they can contribute), and has an affordable wedding, or elopeds and uses the cash for a down payment on a house

This is the only appropriate answer.

+1. Lock the thread, the answer is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each set of inlaws should tell the couple what they are willing and able to contribute. Could be $5k, $20k something inbetween or nothing.

Couple looks at amount available (plus whatever they can contribute), and has an affordable wedding, or elopeds and uses the cash for a down payment on a house

This is the only appropriate answer.

+1 but parents should be clear if the monetary offer is contingent on anything (eg there must be a wedding, some input on guest list, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each set of inlaws should tell the couple what they are willing and able to contribute. Could be $5k, $20k something inbetween or nothing.

Couple looks at amount available (plus whatever they can contribute), and has an affordable wedding, or elopeds and uses the cash for a down payment on a house

This is the only appropriate answer.

+1. Lock the thread, the answer is here.

The tweak I would make is that the should plan wedding based on what the couple alone can pay for and if get any $ from anyone that is bonus, but should not be part of plan so nothing dependent on anyone else but the couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each set of inlaws should tell the couple what they are willing and able to contribute. Could be $5k, $20k something inbetween or nothing.

Couple looks at amount available (plus whatever they can contribute), and has an affordable wedding, or elopeds and uses the cash for a down payment on a house

This is the only appropriate answer.

This^. Weddings doesn't have to be a financial burden on anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imho, couple should have a simple wedding they can afford themselves. However, if they are newly employed and parents can help then its only fair if both side of parents pitch in as much as they can comfortably offer. Why only bride's side?

+1

[Anonymous]

Three of our daughters have gotten married. All three were in their mid 20s or so. We happily paid for the bulk of all three weddings. Each wedding could not have been more different from the other, but each was exactly what the couple wanted and was very, very nice. I’d say the cheapest of the 3 was about $50k and the most expensive was closer to $100k.

We accepted when offered but never requested any help from the grooms’ parents or the couples, and never ever talked to any of them about money. One of the grooms’ parents wanted to spring for the wedding cake, for example, and another wanted to provide the booze - in both cases we said “sure, thank you very much” and that was that. Had they not offered, we wouldn’t have cared or judged.

There’s so much acrimony on DCUM when it comes to family, in laws, kids, who pays for what, etc etc etc. We have never experienced any of that. We’re lucky, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three of our daughters have gotten married. All three were in their mid 20s or so. We happily paid for the bulk of all three weddings. Each wedding could not have been more different from the other, but each was exactly what the couple wanted and was very, very nice. I’d say the cheapest of the 3 was about $50k and the most expensive was closer to $100k.

We accepted when offered but never requested any help from the grooms’ parents or the couples, and never ever talked to any of them about money. One of the grooms’ parents wanted to spring for the wedding cake, for example, and another wanted to provide the booze - in both cases we said “sure, thank you very much” and that was that. Had they not offered, we wouldn’t have cared or judged.

There’s so much acrimony on DCUM when it comes to family, in laws, kids, who pays for what, etc etc etc. We have never experienced any of that. We’re lucky, I guess.

You've lots of money and willing to spend it on parties so good for you. Not everyone can need or want to.

[Anonymous]

I think its very medieval for parents of the bride to pay for the wedding? Do you expect dowry as well?

Parents spend on education of their daughters, daughters have careers, they earn and contribute to the family finances. They aren't underage girls with no earnings, no need to spend retirement resources on parties to impress people who wouldn't care next day.