Received a terrible, stressful gift from MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t received my first question yet but if you look at their example questions, they don’t seem like quite the right fit for a new mom or a woman in my age group (30s)


https://welcome.storyworth.com/questions

One of them is “how did you decide how many children to have?”

Not only is this very personal, DD is my first. She may be an only, she many not be. At this stage in my life, IDK yet.

So don't do it. If she asks, say you're too busy or you think it's more for more mature moms and that you'll put it away until later in life.

and tell her its' a "terrible, stressful gift". LOL. Sounds like she tried. My MIL gives me only Catholic stuff. I'm not catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t received my first question yet but if you look at their example questions, they don’t seem like quite the right fit for a new mom or a woman in my age group (30s)


https://welcome.storyworth.com/questions

One of them is “how did you decide how many children to have?”

Not only is this very personal, DD is my first. She may be an only, she many not be. At this stage in my life, IDK yet.

And that's what you say as a response. Don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t received my first question yet but if you look at their example questions, they don’t seem like quite the right fit for a new mom or a woman in my age group (30s)


https://welcome.storyworth.com/questions

One of them is “how did you decide how many children to have?”

Not only is this very personal, DD is my first. She may be an only, she many not be. At this stage in my life, IDK yet.

And that's what you say as a response. Don't overthink it.

PP again. Or deflect with a non-answer, like "Larla is so great, I'm loving being a mother." No rule that you have to spill your innermost thoughts. Again, don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize OP. When I was a new mom with a very stressful job, people kept giving me blank books in which I could write my “reflections on motherhood.” Not only did the mere thought of having an additional responsibility make me feel even more tired, I was in a line of work where people are strongly advised against keeping journals, so I had an instinctive negative reaction. No way in h*ll would I have shared my thoughts with some random internet company.

Just don’t do it. I like the idea of telling your MIL that the questions seem more suited to her stage of life and asking her to do it. And if she doesn’t want to do it, why in the heck should you?

[Anonymous]

I would hate this too, but it really is a thoughtful gift. (considering all the horrible gas that people get from their in-laws on here.) I’m sure she wishes she could share some thing with her children like us. I say let it go until January 1 and give it a try the first week. If you hate it, see if you can alternate each week with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Thank her, tell her it’s a really thoughtful idea but after researching it’s more applicable for a grandparent to fill out. Or have your husband tell her that.

I would never do it because I don’t write, don’t have the time and wouldn’t want someone else reading my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

I love to write, but even for me every week could be a bit much. I'd ask my husband to do it--or maybe you could alternate weeks?

This is morbid, but what if you died unexpectedly or at a younger age? This would be a priceless gift for your baby if the unthinkable happened.

But, it's a gift and it's yours to do with as you wish and you shouldn't feel obligated to do it. Might be worth a shot though--I bet the prompts are pretty simple and could be done in 10 or 15 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t received my first question yet but if you look at their example questions, they don’t seem like quite the right fit for a new mom or a woman in my age group (30s)


https://welcome.storyworth.com/questions

One of them is “how did you decide how many children to have?”

Not only is this very personal, DD is my first. She may be an only, she many not be. At this stage in my life, IDK yet.

You could just respond “I haven’t decided”

[Anonymous]

Sympathies, OP. One year I was given a family photo shoot. I hate formal photos, having my photo taken, I don’t post to social media… everything about this was a misfire for me. Worse, I wasn’t tipped off in advance and accidentally reacted honestly when the gift was opened.

Anyway, we never did it.

[Anonymous]

Alternate weeks with your husband and keep your responses super short.

[Anonymous]

My MIL gave it to me last year. I haven't done a single thing. She asks and I say: going great. It isn't like she is going to review it.

Just put the emails in your junk and they will start goi g there automatically.

This is good training OP. You are an adult woman and now a mom. You really don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

[Anonymous]

NP. What is the deal with the gift giver receiving each answer the recipient/writer creates? That part is offputting.

But the basic idea -- helping people record some memories and thoughts for another generation -- is fine, in itself, though the prompts seem not to work for a first time parent. But that can all be tweaked, OP; you are not required by law to slavishly answer only and exactly the questions as written-- you do get that, right? I'd just write whatever I wanted, even a single sentence. And if you don't do it Every Single Week, what happens? I'm guessing nothing. Involve DH.

Before you do or say anything to MIL, I'd see if there is some way to turn off or opt out of the part where this software sends anyone else your updates. Maybe that can be switched off OR the weekly "report" sent elsewhere--like to an email account you create for it that goes to...you. At least check out if that's an option. If it is, do it (or have DH handle that).

Telling MIL (as someone said above, I hope sarcastically) that it's a "terrible, stressful gift" is a guaranteed way to sow resentment between you. Unless this is part of some pattern of trying to monitor you as a parent, and how can it be if this is your first child?, she probably meant well and just came up with a clunker. You're understandably reacting to the perceived pressure of "MIL will SEE every single entry and know if I'm keeping up or not." I agree with you; that feels like pressure, not a pleasant way to keep some memories for your child. But that comes from the way the gift is structured, and isn't her invention. Do you really think she intentionally set out to pressure you, or is it likelier that she just saw this gift, thought it sounded like a unique first-time-mom gift (at least it's not another onesie or baby blanket, she probably thought...) and got it without much investigation?

This is not something I'd let become a sore spot between me and a MIL/grandparent, especially if the rest of the relationship was OK.

Or just accept the gift, don't use it in the electronic form she gave you and tell her you use the prompts to journal for the baby. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize OP. When I was a new mom with a very stressful job, people kept giving me blank books in which I could write my “reflections on motherhood.” Not only did the mere thought of having an additional responsibility make me feel even more tired, I was in a line of work where people are strongly advised against keeping journals, so I had an instinctive negative reaction. No way in h*ll would I have shared my thoughts with some random internet company.

Just don’t do it. I like the idea of telling your MIL that the questions seem more suited to her stage of life and asking her to do it. And if she doesn’t want to do it, why in the heck should you?

Old woman here but when I was given similar journals as new mom, I kept them. I did find and use them some years later. Not always for "reflections on motherhood." In one I did jot down things based on the prompts because I wanted my DC to know about a few traditions, like how my own family celebrated holidays when I was a kid, etc. In another I sometimes jotted down little things my DC said and did as a toddler and elementary aged kid. I'm glad I did. Neither is some treasure bursting with words but they do help me recall things and someday maybe my DC will want them.

It's not all such a big, pressured deal as it seems when one is a new parent. I know OP can't just lay aside this electronic "subscription" type of gift like I could lay aside a journal, but OP also just doesn't have to use it, either.

[Anonymous]

Yes. No. Maybe. Too personal.

[Anonymous]

Oh no! This is a terrible gift.

I would be tempted to use chatGPT to write essays on random and weird prompts. Stuff like "What are the commonalities between King Charles and Lorena Bobbit's husband?"

I am sure DCUM can come up with more weird prompts.