Would leaving my job to SAH be crazy?

[Anonymous]

I support staying home to have a less chaotic life, but not in your shoes. You make waaaaay too much to consider this.

There are plenty of stigmas with a DH staying home to include his self-esteem taking a hit so if he doesn't want to do it then don't push it.

In your case you need to outsource (nanny, cleaners, au pair, exc?) until you can get through this rough patch.

[Anonymous]

Can u cut back on your hours? That’s what I did - to 60% for many, many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your DH offering to stay home? I legitimately don't understand.

You are cute. DH staying home is misery for everyone. SAHD are shunned by the SAHM groups, you can't have playdates because a SAHD and SAHM meeting up midday is SCANDELOUS, working dads assume you have a drinking problem or mental health issue which is why you aren't working, and even the kids notice your family is different. its better to be a family of two dads than have a SAHD with a working mom!

What a totally sexist comment.

[Anonymous]

At that income you should have so much saved that you could quit your job for a few years, like until both kids are in school, and then go back to it with barely a hiccup in your lifestyle. You might have to cut back on some things but I'm sure it would be worth it for your new, improved quality of life. I say do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like DH needs to stay home.

+1. You are the higher earner by a lot. Would DH be open to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that income you should have so much saved that you could quit your job for a few years, like until both kids are in school, and then go back to it with barely a hiccup in your lifestyle. You might have to cut back on some things but I'm sure it would be worth it for your new, improved quality of life. I say do it.

If she has a job making 450k where it is difficult to go part time, it might not be the kind of job where you can leave for a few years and then return "with barely a hiccup."

[Anonymous]

OP disappeared

[Anonymous]

DH should be staying home and/or cutting back to something much more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. DH needs to consider staying home, not you. It’s too much money to give up.

I agree. For us the tipping point in HHI was ~$200k, and that was 5 years ago. After that, we didn't have to worry about paying for our modest lifestyle. Even though you don't have a mortgage, my guess is you're used to living a lot more freely and luxuriously than we do. Your kids are also young and you don't know what kind of expenses are on the horizon.

Honestly I think your best bet is to get a more flexible job for slightly less salary. You'll still be financially comfortable but you won't feel as stressed out.

+1 I became a sahp which cut our HHI in half, but OP's situation would be income cut more than by half.

I don't regret quitting even though it killed my career trajectory. Like OP, life was just too stressful, mostly for me. I did not feel I was being a good parent, wife or worker (though my manager told me even my half effort was more than most of my peers' full efforts).

Or your DH should quite.

Do you really think you can be happy living on $150K after living on $400K? When I quit, we moved to a much lcol, reduced our mortgage by more than half, cut out the daycare/nanny. We lived on $140K after we moved and I quit, and it was tight. We did have savings, but it was still really tight. No room for much extras. But this only lasted a year or so.

OP isn't going from 400k to 150k, she;s going from 600k to 150k which is a HUGE drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your DH make more money?

Can you just scale back on your current job for a while without actually taking a pay cut? Just say no more often and delegate more. That is what I've done for the past 8 years. I'm not on the track I could be, but I'm still technically full time and I've still got my foot in the door and can ramp up when I need/want to do so.

If he makes $150K, it’s unlikely he can just jump to $500K like that.

It's probably impossible for the DH to make enough to even get close to maintaining their lifestyle. There are many, many fields that "top out" at around 150k and a job change usually means a drop in income for a while and more risk, which is not something you want.

The smart thing is for OP to keep working and DH to cut back to SAHP or part time while being the primary parent after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. DH needs to consider staying home, not you. It’s too much money to give up.

I agree. For us the tipping point in HHI was ~$200k, and that was 5 years ago. After that, we didn't have to worry about paying for our modest lifestyle. Even though you don't have a mortgage, my guess is you're used to living a lot more freely and luxuriously than we do. Your kids are also young and you don't know what kind of expenses are on the horizon.

Honestly I think your best bet is to get a more flexible job for slightly less salary. You'll still be financially comfortable but you won't feel as stressed out.

+1 I became a sahp which cut our HHI in half, but OP's situation would be income cut more than by half.

I don't regret quitting even though it killed my career trajectory. Like OP, life was just too stressful, mostly for me. I did not feel I was being a good parent, wife or worker (though my manager told me even my half effort was more than most of my peers' full efforts).

Or your DH should quite.

Do you really think you can be happy living on $150K after living on $400K? When I quit, we moved to a much lcol, reduced our mortgage by more than half, cut out the daycare/nanny. We lived on $140K after we moved and I quit, and it was tight. We did have savings, but it was still really tight. No room for much extras. But this only lasted a year or so.

OP isn't going from 400k to 150k, she;s going from 600k to 150k which is a HUGE drop.

Ok, I missed the $600K. Yea that's insane.

I think I get OP, though, and why she wants to quit. I felt similarly, but if my income was 4x that of DH's no way would I quit, and DH would offer to quit instead of me.

Or as others have stated, find a different job with less stress, better work/life balance for less pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your DH offering to stay home? I legitimately don't understand.

You are cute. DH staying home is misery for everyone. SAHD are shunned by the SAHM groups, you can't have playdates because a SAHD and SAHM meeting up midday is SCANDELOUS, working dads assume you have a drinking problem or mental health issue which is why you aren't working, and even the kids notice your family is different. its better to be a family of two dads than have a SAHD with a working mom!

What a totally sexist comment.

We speak from experience. Maybe with Gen Z its better, but in the DMV this was exactly our experience with 2 of our kids who are now in middle school.

[Anonymous]

SAHD for sure

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you all for confirming that it would indeed be crazy for me to leave the work force! I know I should try another job before just giving it all up to SAH, and I’m sure that’s what I’ll do. It’s just been a tough few months!

As for all the questions about why DH doesn’t stay home instead, we haven’t seriously discussed it. DH enjoys his job, while I am ambivalent about mine. It’s also unlikely that my income will remain as high as it is now for long. I’m a senior associate in big law, and I’m not gunning to make partner. As a result, it’s unlikely that the disparity in our incomes will be as large as it is now for much longer.

It sounds like it’s probably just time for me to look for a government job with more regular hours and less stress.

[Anonymous]

Use your substantial income to buy your way out of the chaos. You can afford an amazing nanny and housecleaning services. Find a nanny willing to help get dinner underway and take care of the kids laundry. You should be walking into a clean, calm household at the end of the day.