Would leaving my job to SAH be crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your DH offering to stay home? I legitimately don't understand.

You are cute. DH staying home is misery for everyone. SAHD are shunned by the SAHM groups, you can't have playdates because a SAHD and SAHM meeting up midday is SCANDELOUS, working dads assume you have a drinking problem or mental health issue which is why you aren't working, and even the kids notice your family is different. its better to be a family of two dads than have a SAHD with a working mom!

So many excuses about why women should quit. If you don't want to work, just own it. But stop with the excuses.

[Anonymous]

I'd get a housekeeper. Even if you pay them 75k, it's still a win. And a housekeeper would be incredible!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use your substantial income to buy your way out of the chaos. You can afford an amazing nanny and housecleaning services. Find a nanny willing to help get dinner underway and take care of the kids laundry. You should be walking into a clean, calm household at the end of the day.

This. With your HHI, you should be able to outsource just about *everything*!

+1 At the very least, try this out for 6 months or so to see if it helps at all.

Another +1 to outsource things. At that income, you can afford a chef who will make meals and put them in your fridge for the week, someone to come clean multiple times a week and a nanny. We earn half what you do but when things have been tough with work, especially when my husband was traveling for work, I've outsourced cooking to a personal chef and hired extra help with child care for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Omg you are so spoiled OP!

Keep your job. You are crazy lucky to have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did it. Dropped from $530 to $185. Also had significant savings, college covered, and a low mortgage, and planned on private schools. It was more than fine financially. No regrets. The life balance and living the way wen want live has been priceless to us. Now the single earner is back up over $800, so remember that single income is likely to grow too.

This is a highly unusual situation. The DH's 150k is unlikely to ever grow enough to be close to what the wife makes. It is very, very rare to go from 185 to 800.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's a crazy stupid decision. Getting back into the work force is difficult. ~BTDT

[Anonymous]

"If I quit, our HHI drops significantly from around 600K to around 150K."

Yes, you would be crazy to SAH. If I were you, I'd put in another year or two if I possibly could, while looking for a more flexible work opportunity to WFH at least some of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. DH needs to consider staying home, not you. It’s too much money to give up.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all for confirming that it would indeed be crazy for me to leave the work force! I know I should try another job before just giving it all up to SAH, and I’m sure that’s what I’ll do. It’s just been a tough few months!

As for all the questions about why DH doesn’t stay home instead, we haven’t seriously discussed it. DH enjoys his job, while I am ambivalent about mine. It’s also unlikely that my income will remain as high as it is now for long. I’m a senior associate in big law, and I’m not gunning to make partner. As a result, it’s unlikely that the disparity in our incomes will be as large as it is now for much longer.

It sounds like it’s probably just time for me to look for a government job with more regular hours and less stress.

A government job may not be less stress...it depends on the role. Also, it is so much less money. You should hang in there for at least 5 years, save as much as you can and then consider a different job later after a bunch of savings is in the bank.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you work in BigLaw?

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM but I absolutely would not with your numbers. I think you and DH should both be looking for new jobs but that’s too big an income drop if you’re not going to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you work in BigLaw?

Sorry, should have read the entire thread. You do. I feel your pain. If you know you don't want to be a partner but are well-reharded at your firm, try talking to them and see if they will let you work part time, true 9-5, at a reduced salary.

It can happen. You can make it work - I have been doing this for nearly 20 years. Otherwise, good luck. If your family can handle the drop in the standard of living, go for it - life is too short to be stuck doing something that makes you miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all for confirming that it would indeed be crazy for me to leave the work force! I know I should try another job before just giving it all up to SAH, and I’m sure that’s what I’ll do. It’s just been a tough few months!

As for all the questions about why DH doesn’t stay home instead, we haven’t seriously discussed it. DH enjoys his job, while I am ambivalent about mine. It’s also unlikely that my income will remain as high as it is now for long. I’m a senior associate in big law, and I’m not gunning to make partner. As a result, it’s unlikely that the disparity in our incomes will be as large as it is now for much longer.

It sounds like it’s probably just time for me to look for a government job with more regular hours and less stress.

A government job may not be less stress...it depends on the role. Also, it is so much less money. You should hang in there for at least 5 years, save as much as you can and then consider a different job later after a bunch of savings is in the bank.

It's also not easy to get a government lawyer job, unless you have relevant/specialized experience.

[Anonymous]

Op, you need to be throwing money at this problem. You need a nanny who also house manages. Someone who will let in plumbers and a housekeepers and keep groceries in the house and pick up the dry cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all for confirming that it would indeed be crazy for me to leave the work force! I know I should try another job before just giving it all up to SAH, and I’m sure that’s what I’ll do. It’s just been a tough few months!

As for all the questions about why DH doesn’t stay home instead, we haven’t seriously discussed it. DH enjoys his job, while I am ambivalent about mine. It’s also unlikely that my income will remain as high as it is now for long. I’m a senior associate in big law, and I’m not gunning to make partner. As a result, it’s unlikely that the disparity in our incomes will be as large as it is now for much longer.

It sounds like it’s probably just time for me to look for a government job with more regular hours and less stress.

Are you sure you aren’t going to make counsel? If not, how much could you make as counsel?