DH WFH is a huge turn off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you still sleeping with him?

If you told him it’sa turn off and you stopped sleeping with him then that should have changed his behavior.

It's a chore that I give into occasionally. He knows I'm not interested.

Ladies, here is why this man is drinking a box of wine at night. A BOX!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you can legitimately complain that he's working from home, given that YOU work from home and apparently prefer it. He's supposed to get up earlier and deal with a longer commute, but you're not? You can say that his lack of personal hygiene and sloppy dressing is a turnoff (again, assuming that you shower every day and don't put on PJs until bedtime).

He’s showering every day, just at 9 not 7. He is also working out. So how is his hygiene bad (does he not shower after working out?)

I'm not sure it is, but that would be a legit complaint. If he's showering, working out, and working in a home office (so it's not like he's in your hair all day), then I think you have to think long and hard about asking him to take on the hassle and expense of commuting again, when it's something you've chosen not to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about finding an office job?

I'm 50 years old and haven't worked in an office since I was early 30's.. I selected my line of work for the remote flexibility because we have kids. I also do not have an office to go to.

I get what you're saying - but you've enjoyed 20 years of getting to WFH and refuse to give it up. Can you understand why your husband enjoys it now, too?

I'm not saying you're wrong and he's right - just, I've worked from home on and off for 20 years too and it would really take something special for me to give it up.

I have a very good job that I like and do not have an office to go to. This was the arrangement since we married and started a family. No, I do not think I should change jobs.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, but 'I want to be the one who works from home not you' is a bad take.

'I don't find you attractive when you do this ' is an even worse take when you barely sleep with him now and make it obvious you don't really want to.

Why should he care what you want when you don't care what he wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM but everything else about your post resonates with me 100%. A few months ago DH started going to back to the office 2-3 days/wk and it's turned everything around. How is your sex life? That's the one piece of evidence I was able to use to persuade DH to get out of the house on a regular basis. We used to have sex regularly 2-3 x/wk and when he was home it was more like 2x/month. On my part it was b/c of everything you listed, he was just around too much and I never got to miss him. There are so many psychological benefits for him getting out of the house even if they aren't tangible. And there is solid data that staying at home (whether WAH or SAHD) reduces testosterone levels.

Exactly - too much time together is killing my desire and feeling I once had for him. Even a couple of times/week would make a difference, but he refuses. I am not attracted to him at all. Glad your DH listened and at least got out of the house a bit!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it’s your turn to work from the office!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about finding an office job?

I'm 50 years old and haven't worked in an office since I was early 30's.. I selected my line of work for the remote flexibility because we have kids. I also do not have an office to go to.

I get what you're saying - but you've enjoyed 20 years of getting to WFH and refuse to give it up. Can you understand why your husband enjoys it now, too?

I'm not saying you're wrong and he's right - just, I've worked from home on and off for 20 years too and it would really take something special for me to give it up.

I have a very good job that I like and do not have an office to go to. This was the arrangement since we married and started a family. No, I do not think I should change jobs.

What an amazingly selfish thought process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it’s your turn to work from the office!

Right? Find a co-working space and get out of the house a few times a week. I don't understand how you're together all day if he's working in his home office. You shouldn't be bugging him during work hours anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it’s your turn to work from the office!

Yep. She’s enjoyed her time at home and now he can have the same benefits. OP should find an office job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but 'I want to be the one who works from home not you' is a bad take.

'I don't find you attractive when you do this ' is an even worse take when you barely sleep with him now and make it obvious you don't really want to.

Why should he care what you want when you don't care what he wants?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you can legitimately complain that he's working from home, given that YOU work from home and apparently prefer it. He's supposed to get up earlier and deal with a longer commute, but you're not? You can say that his lack of personal hygiene and sloppy dressing is a turnoff (again, assuming that you shower every day and don't put on PJs until bedtime).

He’s showering every day, just at 9 not 7. He is also working out. So how is his hygiene bad (does he not shower after working out?)

I'm not sure it is, but that would be a legit complaint. If he's showering, working out, and working in a home office (so it's not like he's in your hair all day), then I think you have to think long and hard about asking him to take on the hassle and expense of commuting again, when it's something you've chosen not to do.

My WFH is something WE both chose for me. We have kids and I'm the main caretaker. This was a decision made years ago, therefore I always WFH so I can get kids to/from school and to activities, dr appts, be home for 1/2 days, breaks, etc. The list goes on. He has never been involved in kid duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it’s your turn to work from the office!

Right? Find a co-working space and get out of the house a few times a week. I don't understand how you're together all day if he's working in his home office. You shouldn't be bugging him during work hours anyway.

1) We can't afford a co-working space
2) He does not stay in his office during the day. He is constantly wanting to chat, etc. He needs social interaction.

[Anonymous]

I can COMPLETELY relate. I’ve worked from home for the past ten years while DH worked (mostly) at the office. When COVID hit, he took over my home office because he’s on calls most of the day and we have a very small house and little kids, so it made sense at the time.

Here we are coming up on 2023 and my home office is only “mine” at night and on the weekends. Even so, we’re making it work… but it’s the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” part that is really killing us. When you are constantly around one person 24/7 it’s just a lot. I don’t have an office building to pop into if I need my own space. Even small things like being able to have a friend over for coffee and private conversation or turning up the music while I’m cleaning or - hell, being able to get out of the shower and not have to dodge Mr. Sweatpants because I have sh-t to do and don’t want to have sex right then. It’s. A. Lot. Of. Togetherness.

For those saying OP has had her moment in the sun being home alone for all these years, please understand that they probably had a system that worked well and that system has been upended with no end in sight, and if you don’t have an outlet or an escape, your home can start to feel like a prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about finding an office job?

I'm 50 years old and haven't worked in an office since I was early 30's.. I selected my line of work for the remote flexibility because we have kids. I also do not have an office to go to.

I get what you're saying - but you've enjoyed 20 years of getting to WFH and refuse to give it up. Can you understand why your husband enjoys it now, too?

I'm not saying you're wrong and he's right - just, I've worked from home on and off for 20 years too and it would really take something special for me to give it up.

I have a very good job that I like and do not have an office to go to. This was the arrangement since we married and started a family. No, I do not think I should change jobs.

What an amazingly selfish thought process.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it’s your turn to work from the office!

Right? Find a co-working space and get out of the house a few times a week. I don't understand how you're together all day if he's working in his home office. You shouldn't be bugging him during work hours anyway.

1) We can't afford a co-working space
2) He does not stay in his office during the day. He is constantly wanting to chat, etc. He needs social interaction.

Okay, then phrase it like that. "It's hard for me to do my own work when you're constantly wanting to chat. I think you would be happier with more social interaction during the day. What if you went to the office once or twice a week?" And then refuse to talk to him during working hours. I put on headphones when my spouse and I are working from home.