DH WFH is a huge turn off

[Anonymous]

My DH used to get showered/dressed and out the door for work at 7:30am, return home around 6pm everyday. Since COVID has allowed him to work from home, he is watching tv until midnight, drinking wine, leisurely waking, and not even showering until 9/9:30 everyday. He works in the home office, then gets his pjs on at about 4:30. I used to look forward to him coming home from work, talking about our days, and watching tv w/him at night. Now we see each other all day, everyday. I was much more attracted to him when he didn't WFH, now he just seems lazy. Our kids are now older and more self-sufficient. He never would have done this when they were little and I could use his help during the day (hence the long/extended hours pre-COVID).

He has an office to work from and many of his staff and peers are back in the office at least a few days/week. He just refuses and likes working from home. Therefore, there is no end in sight. I have always worked from home and never imagined he would be content with this. (he's late 40's). Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and his WFH is killing our relationship.

Yes, I've told him how I feel and that I don't think this is a healthy arrangement, but he's happy, so I'm SOL. Also yes, his drinking has become a problem. No reason to wake early and feel good in the morning, so he's drinking more and staying up much later..

Any tips??? ?

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about finding an office job?

[Anonymous]

Are you still sleeping with him?

If you told him it’sa turn off and you stopped sleeping with him then that should have changed his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Could Low T be an issue? How is his weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about finding an office job?

I'm 50 years old and haven't worked in an office since I was early 30's.. I selected my line of work for the remote flexibility because we have kids. I also do not have an office to go to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you still sleeping with him?

If you told him it’sa turn off and you stopped sleeping with him then that should have changed his behavior.

It's a chore that I give into occasionally. He knows I'm not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could Low T be an issue? How is his weight?

His weight is fine, he exercises daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about finding an office job?

I'm 50 years old and haven't worked in an office since I was early 30's.. I selected my line of work for the remote flexibility because we have kids. I also do not have an office to go to.

I get what you're saying - but you've enjoyed 20 years of getting to WFH and refuse to give it up. Can you understand why your husband enjoys it now, too?

I'm not saying you're wrong and he's right - just, I've worked from home on and off for 20 years too and it would really take something special for me to give it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you still sleeping with him?

If you told him it’sa turn off and you stopped sleeping with him then that should have changed his behavior.

It's a chore that I give into occasionally. He knows I'm not interested.

Well this is why he is going “F it”.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can legitimately complain that he's working from home, given that YOU work from home and apparently prefer it. He's supposed to get up earlier and deal with a longer commute, but you're not? You can say that his lack of personal hygiene and sloppy dressing is a turnoff (again, assuming that you shower every day and don't put on PJs until bedtime).

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll. What man wears “pj”. DH would sleep in boxers if kids weren’t in the house. Otherwise it’s track pants and a t shirt, and if he is in shape I can’t imagine this is that bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about finding an office job?

I'm 50 years old and haven't worked in an office since I was early 30's.. I selected my line of work for the remote flexibility because we have kids. I also do not have an office to go to.

I get what you're saying - but you've enjoyed 20 years of getting to WFH and refuse to give it up. Can you understand why your husband enjoys it now, too?

I'm not saying you're wrong and he's right - just, I've worked from home on and off for 20 years too and it would really take something special for me to give it up.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you thought about finding an office job?

I'm 50 years old and haven't worked in an office since I was early 30's.. I selected my line of work for the remote flexibility because we have kids. I also do not have an office to go to.

I get what you're saying - but you've enjoyed 20 years of getting to WFH and refuse to give it up. Can you understand why your husband enjoys it now, too?

I'm not saying you're wrong and he's right - just, I've worked from home on and off for 20 years too and it would really take something special for me to give it up.

I wasn't able to start regularly WFH until the pandemic, and it would take some amazing incentive to get me to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you can legitimately complain that he's working from home, given that YOU work from home and apparently prefer it. He's supposed to get up earlier and deal with a longer commute, but you're not? You can say that his lack of personal hygiene and sloppy dressing is a turnoff (again, assuming that you shower every day and don't put on PJs until bedtime).

He’s showering every day, just at 9 not 7. He is also working out. So how is his hygiene bad (does he not shower after working out?)

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM but everything else about your post resonates with me 100%. A few months ago DH started going to back to the office 2-3 days/wk and it's turned everything around. How is your sex life? That's the one piece of evidence I was able to use to persuade DH to get out of the house on a regular basis. We used to have sex regularly 2-3 x/wk and when he was home it was more like 2x/month. On my part it was b/c of everything you listed, he was just around too much and I never got to miss him. There are so many psychological benefits for him getting out of the house even if they aren't tangible. And there is solid data that staying at home (whether WAH or SAHD) reduces testosterone levels.