Pressure from Teacher Gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I just feel that if I can’t give my child will be singled and and it will be noticed by the teacher. It doesn’t feel fair. We don’t go out and buy new gifts for our own kids, we get a lot of hand me downs, which we appreciate. I just wish this practice wasn’t done.

How would the teacher know if/how much you gave for a group gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I just feel that if I can’t give my child will be singled and and it will be noticed by the teacher. It doesn’t feel fair. We don’t go out and buy new gifts for our own kids, we get a lot of hand me downs, which we appreciate. I just wish this practice wasn’t done.

The point of the group gift is that kids are not singled out because they did not contribute. Since the gift is from the generic class, the Teacher doesn't know who donated and who did not. We are in a good place so we contribute more then other families. We know that some families do not contribute. The class average ends up being $25 a family at our school and I know that is because there are those of us who donate more. And that is fine. If it mattered to me that the Teacher knew we donated X amount we would give a separate gift.

Don't give if you cannot. Ask your child to write a card and deliver that. That is what you can do and that is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The point of the group gift is that kids are not singled out because they did not contribute. Since the gift is from the generic class, the Teacher doesn't know who donated and who did not. We are in a good place so we contribute more then other families. We know that some families do not contribute. The class average ends up being $25 a family at our school and I know that is because there are those of us who donate more. And that is fine. If it mattered to me that the Teacher knew we donated X amount we would give a separate gift.

Don't give if you cannot. Ask your child to write a card and deliver that. That is what you can do and that is great.

This. Hopefully in their messages the room parents are stating clearly that the gift is from the whole class regardless of who contributes. Between both my kids I think I was a room parent seven or eight times, so I have a fair amount of experience sending these emails. Parents always ask "how much should I give" so we usually said something like "$15-20 per family or whatever you are comfortable with. The gift will be from the whole class regardless". I always sent a final reminder since the holidays are a crazy time, and I didn't want a family sending $20 in an envelope via backpack mail two days after I'd picked up the gift card or gift for the teacher.

Every single year I had families give nothing, many gave in the $10-25 range and a few who would balance it out with $35-75 contributions. Please don't let this stress you out.

[Anonymous]

Our FCPS elementary does not have room parents so I've never encountered this.

We usually get a small gift or gift card. $20 or less.

[Anonymous]

Why does this bother you? Teachers make so little and public education is free. Why not give $20 for the holidays? These people are literally with your kids all day every day for most of the year. I don’t get why you wouldn’t want to participate. If you are truly broke, then just ignore. If you are being cheap, then just give.

[Anonymous]

I blame the teachers for this nonsense. Teachers could lay-out what will be done/not done. This is their classroom, not the room parents. They should be running their classrooms, as they wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I blame the teachers for this nonsense. Teachers could lay-out what will be done/not done. This is their classroom, not the room parents. They should be running their classrooms, as they wish.

Is there anything teachers are not blamed for these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I blame the teachers for this nonsense. Teachers could lay-out what will be done/not done. This is their classroom, not the room parents. They should be running their classrooms, as they wish.

Maybe- the room parents job is to communicate with the parents and coordinate parties, supply needs, and organize teacher gift. But I blame fcps. Fcps should not allow room parents too coordinate gifts for teachers. People should only gift on their own if they want to and not be pressured to participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I blame the teachers for this nonsense. Teachers could lay-out what will be done/not done. This is their classroom, not the room parents. They should be running their classrooms, as they wish.

Maybe- the room parents job is to communicate with the parents and coordinate parties, supply needs, and organize teacher gift. But I blame fcps. Fcps should not allow room parents too coordinate gifts for teachers. People should only gift on their own if they want to and not be pressured to participate.

There is more pressure to participate if everyone gives an individual gift because then the teacher knows who contributed and who did not. I remember as a kid making a gift for my Teacher, my classmates who bought her something got hand written thank you notes but I got nothing. If you don't think that the message was that the purchased gifts mattered and the ones made by kids did not you are crazy.

The group gift allows people who cannot afford to give something or who have a reason for not giving something (maybe they don't like the Teacher, maybe their faith is different and it would be weird for them to give something) to not be singled out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I just feel that if I can’t give my child will be singled and and it will be noticed by the teacher. It doesn’t feel fair. We don’t go out and buy new gifts for our own kids, we get a lot of hand me downs, which we appreciate. I just wish this practice wasn’t done.

This is just your extremely low self esteem talking. It's probably only about 25% of the class that gives gifts and like 5 families that contribute to the class gift.

[Anonymous]

Contribute or don't. Why are you getting anxious over something that is supposed to be nice for the teacher and is from the whole class. If you can't afford it, don't sweat it. The teacher will still get something. If you really like the teacher, give them a homemade card from your child or write a nice email to the teacher listing why you like them and cc the principal on it.

[Anonymous]

Do many classes have room parents? Nobody on my grade level team has had them over the last few years. I haven’t even thought about it.

Third Grade Teacher

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me appreciate the class fund. We donate into a fund at the beginning of the year and get an email every few months that says "We bought this for the holiday gift" or "We bought this for the teacher's birthday" or "We bought this for Teacher Appreciation Day". I usually do a little something in addition (baked goods and/or small gift card). Done and done.

[Anonymous]

I personally like it. It should be phrased as no pressure. Delete it if you can't afford it or don't want to give.

I like that I don't have to think about what to give, and i appreciate the emotional labor the other parents are doing to make it happen.

I also love the class fund idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never understood why teacher gifts are allowed but gifts for feds over a very small value are not.

It’s still a small value for teachers. However, teachers are not feds. They have lower compensation and less flexibility in work schedules or leave.

The prohibition on gifts for feds is to ensure federal employees remain free from influence; it has nothing to do with compensation and schedules. Gifts to teachers potentially have the same impact (i.e., a student provides a large gift card in exchange for a good grade); however, classroom parents are able to provide a classroom gift without attributing it to specific students (one would hope).