VENT: So overwhelmed I'm not sure where to post this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe stop denigrating your husband. I mean I get it, you found a close and easy mark. But whining about a “man cold” is a terrible look and ruins your bid for sympathy.

lol no it does not.

[Anonymous]

OP, big hugs. I hear you. I have two SN kids, also a 9th grader, a demanding job, H who travels a lot and a chronic disease. Please take care of the skin stuff and take it one day at the time. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

The “how long will it go on for” aspect of a declining elderly parent is a terrible source of uncertainty and stress, with a lovely component of guilt to round it out. Please know that you may be isolated but you are not alone. Sending lots of hugs. I second the recommendation from the PP above for fancy coffee drinks. You deserve small treats frequently.

[Anonymous]

For your dad, see if you can engage hospice. They can be a huge source of support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For your dad, see if you can engage hospice. They can be a huge source of support.

Second this. I’m so sorry about all your dealing with, op.

[Anonymous]

So sorry op. That sounds very difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the reason your son is struggling with school has something to do with him catching every virus around now. What changed with him? Any recent trauma? Vaccines? Injuries?

Her son is struggling bc he's sensing the huge household stress and everyone he looks to for staniland support are currently a huge mess (Op, dh, grandpa).
Kids very easily pickup on these high anxiety situations and Op's kid is already prone to it given he has a 504 in place. Add to it the pressure of HS bball tryouts, the regular "stuff" teens go through, etc and it's no wonder the poor kid is struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me: 50. One DS, 14 and in ninth grade, suddenly pulling all Cs and B- despite his high test scores and a 501 plan for anxiety. Plus constant colds and flu since the school year began, so he's been out a LOT. Also he's trying out for freshman basketball and has basically no chance of making the team (he's a decent player but is only 5'6"). He's going to be terribly disappointed.

My dad (of whom I'm sole caretaker): 90 years old. Widower. Hospitalized for sepsis. Diagnosed with major bladder tumor for which we have no prognosis. Can no longer function on his own. He has decided to forgo surgery and go into palliative care until he passes (which could be years). Apparently rehab and LTC will be part of the equation, but his insurance will cover only rehab, and he has no long-term care insurance. We'll have to spend all his assets before Medicare kicks in for long-term care.

I have siblings but they're useless, and all live abroad.

Husband: Man cold and whining. Started a consulting business this year and cut our income in half.

Me: Barely able to keep up with the bare-bones functions of my demanding full-time job. Oh, and possible melanoma on my ass.

I can't even focus on anything, sleep, or stop shaking from stress and constant doctors' calls and visits to hopsitals. No advice really needed. I just wanted to put all this out there into the universe...thanks for listening to me whinge.

Focus on this. Seriously. Taking care of you needs to come first. Second, your son. Look over his homework, grades, what assignments are due/were due, every night with him. So that you can help him stay on top of things. As for your dad, yes to hospice. And at 90 with a tumor and only wanting palliative care, and not able to take care of himself, I don't think he will be living for years. Does spending his assets mean you have to start clearing out houses and listing properties? If so, outsource that.

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to step it up once he is over his cold.

When my kids were younger, I heard from older parents that the teen years are more difficult than the baby/toddler years and they were right.

Hang in there, OP. Take care of yourself first.

My parents are almost 80 and in and out of the hospital with cancer, dementia, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. It is a lot and totally draining. I have a brother and very supportive husband and it is still a lot. Dh can at least handle the kids so I can deal with my parents.

[Anonymous]

This does sound overwhelming, OP. Try to take it in small bits and think about it as one day at a time, especially with your dad.

I just want to say that I'm impressed with your son right now. (I get that he needs to pull up his grades, and I'm sure that will happen once he stops getting all the bugs that are happening). But good for him for trying out for the team! That's amazing for a kid with anxiety, even if he ultimately doesn't make it.

[Anonymous]

Dialectical behavioral therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the reason your son is struggling with school has something to do with him catching every virus around now. What changed with him? Any recent trauma? Vaccines? Injuries?

Her son is struggling bc he's sensing the huge household stress and everyone he looks to for staniland support are currently a huge mess (Op, dh, grandpa).
Kids very easily pickup on these high anxiety situations and Op's kid is already prone to it given he has a 504 in place. Add to it the pressure of HS bball tryouts, the regular "stuff" teens go through, etc and it's no wonder the poor kid is struggling.

Plus, 9th grade can be a huge transition for kids academically. This is a good time for OP to get him an appointment with the shcool counselor and let the counselor know you really need their support for him right now given your limited bandwidth. Another option, if you have the funds, is to get a weekly tutor ASAP to act as a mentor, to get him self-advocating at shcool, and take that off your plate for a while. The academics do not have to be on you, OP.

Wishing you well.

[Anonymous]

Big hug, OP. I'm in a similar space, both my parents are in similar-ish situations to your dad, coupled with all the other life stressors, I feel like I'm absolutely crumbling sometimes. I've tried to focus on the day by day and finding even the smallest bright spots and that has helped some even though life is still sucking at the moment. So, this is me, wishing you some small moments of joy in your day.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m in a similar situation, and I’ve found that going into a bathroom, putting the seat down, turning the fan on (to block out noise from the outside), and just taking 10 minutes or so to read a trashy magazine or something silly on my phone, or even with my eyes closed, while breathing deeply and evenly, helps a ton. It’s just a mini-personal break from outside stressors.

[Anonymous]

So, I had a time period where one kid was diagnosed with a genetic disorder that meant profound intellectual disability, my other kid had brain cancer and my mom dropped dead out of nowhere.

Assuming your hsuband isn’t generally a jerk, you need to sit down and decide that there are only THREE THINGS you can care about. My suggestion would be to first focus on the potential melanoma. If you die, that will be bad. So, focus on that. I would likely then ask my husband to jump in and focus on our kids anxiety. That is ENTIRELY YOUR HSUBANDS PROBLEM for the foreseeable future. You then focus on your job if you are the breadwinner and the carrier of heal to insurance (it was the same for me and I sure as heck could not lose health insurance while my kid had brain cancer). And I would make my third priority spending time with my dad. But, you also have to simply come to terms with the fact that he is going to die. That just is what it is.

You may pick different priorities. But this is just to give you the general idea.