Alzheimer mom abroad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring her here (apply for her green card via family reunification). She will be her own household, meaning she has no income and she will qualify for means tested benefits.
Most blue states have low income medical insurance if some sort. She will get food stamps. She may even get subsidized housing.
California where my brother plans to bring our dad is just paradise for it. Not sure how things are in other states: NY is also great I heard.
Another option is for you to have guardianship over her and hire a helper where she lives. The main thing is to prevent her from being scammed out of her money.

No. There is no way she would get a visa for this unless OP could show that they had the the financial ability to pay for everything. She’s better off in her home country, even without knowing which country, because the US healthcare system is a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring her here (apply for her green card via family reunification). She will be her own household, meaning she has no income and she will qualify for means tested benefits.
Most blue states have low income medical insurance if some sort. She will get food stamps. She may even get subsidized housing.
California where my brother plans to bring our dad is just paradise for it. Not sure how things are in other states: NY is also great I heard.
Another option is for you to have guardianship over her and hire a helper where she lives. The main thing is to prevent her from being scammed out of her money.

I can’t. I would definitely, but I only have a green card here. That doesn’t allow me to sponsor her.

What country in Europe? I know elderly Americans who need housing, medical care, etc. and can't get it here. Maybe they would like to relocate to Europe because they sure as hell aren't being taken care of here. If Europeans would "definitely" like to bring their elderly here why not the reverse?

Who’s stopping you/your parents? Lots of immigrants come to this European country and get services there, despite never having paid into the system. Notably, the vast majority of refugees from Syria, Iraq and Afghanistan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring her here (apply for her green card via family reunification). She will be her own household, meaning she has no income and she will qualify for means tested benefits.
Most blue states have low income medical insurance if some sort. She will get food stamps. She may even get subsidized housing.
California where my brother plans to bring our dad is just paradise for it. Not sure how things are in other states: NY is also great I heard.
Another option is for you to have guardianship over her and hire a helper where she lives. The main thing is to prevent her from being scammed out of her money.

No. There is no way she would get a visa for this unless OP could show that they had the the financial ability to pay for everything. She’s better off in her home country, even without knowing which country, because the US healthcare system is a mess.

OP. I agree, unless I had $10k per month to pay for private care, she’d be better off in Europe where she paid in her whole life and everything is taken care of. However, I don’t like the xenophobic turn this post has taken and will bow out. I was genuinely looking for ideas how to help my mom and reduce my feelings of guilt, but this thread isn’t the place for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring her here (apply for her green card via family reunification). She will be her own household, meaning she has no income and she will qualify for means tested benefits.
Most blue states have low income medical insurance if some sort. She will get food stamps. She may even get subsidized housing.
California where my brother plans to bring our dad is just paradise for it. Not sure how things are in other states: NY is also great I heard.
Another option is for you to have guardianship over her and hire a helper where she lives. The main thing is to prevent her from being scammed out of her money.

We do not have enough facilities in this country to care for our own elderly citizens who have paid into our Medicaid system their entire working lives. Been waiting for 9 years to get subsidized housing for an elderly means-tested and eligible relative but there are zero vouchers available. All housing vouchers are prioritized for those who have minor children, including those who are non-citizens. If we (family) did not pay out-of-pocket for the elderly relative's housing costs they would be on the street. Relative did live in their car for almost six months before we found out their condition. If you open your eyes you will see many of them doing this. Go to any Walmart parking lot and you will see people 60+ living in their cars. They do not have substance abuse problems, they are merely the former working poor who can no longer work.

I'm not anti-immigrant but when it comes to resources, I do believe we have an obligation to care for our own first. It is a travesty that elderly Americans are living in their vehicles when all housing vouchers are being taken by younger people because they have minor children.

I doubt your elderly means tested relative paid much into anything, otherwise they wouldn’t be so low income as to qualify for subsidized housing. You really picked the wrong person to vent about immigrants using the social system, as I pay a lot more taxes than the vast majority of locals. And I don’t even use your public schools, so there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring her here (apply for her green card via family reunification). She will be her own household, meaning she has no income and she will qualify for means tested benefits.
Most blue states have low income medical insurance if some sort. She will get food stamps. She may even get subsidized housing.
California where my brother plans to bring our dad is just paradise for it. Not sure how things are in other states: NY is also great I heard.
Another option is for you to have guardianship over her and hire a helper where she lives. The main thing is to prevent her from being scammed out of her money.

We do not have enough facilities in this country to care for our own elderly citizens who have paid into our Medicaid system their entire working lives. Been waiting for 9 years to get subsidized housing for an elderly means-tested and eligible relative but there are zero vouchers available. All housing vouchers are prioritized for those who have minor children, including those who are non-citizens. If we (family) did not pay out-of-pocket for the elderly relative's housing costs they would be on the street. Relative did live in their car for almost six months before we found out their condition. If you open your eyes you will see many of them doing this. Go to any Walmart parking lot and you will see people 60+ living in their cars. They do not have substance abuse problems, they are merely the former working poor who can no longer work.

I'm not anti-immigrant but when it comes to resources, I do believe we have an obligation to care for our own first. It is a travesty that elderly Americans are living in their vehicles when all housing vouchers are being taken by younger people because they have minor children.

I doubt your elderly means tested relative paid much into anything, otherwise they wouldn’t be so low income as to qualify for subsidized housing. You really picked the wrong person to vent about immigrants using the social system, as I pay a lot more taxes than the vast majority of locals. And I don’t even use your public schools, so there’s that.

Well, it sounds like maybe your previous claim "I'm not rich" isn't exactly accurate.
Not surprising, in your first post you also claimed "I don't have a sibling that can help"--making it seem like you did not have a sibling, when it fact you do.

You're a dishonest person, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had conversations with a social worker, spouse who was in this situation, etc. I don’t know what to do. When I visit my mom, she seems almost normal. The longer I am gone, the worse she gets. MMSE test didn’t show clinical dementia yet, but I am seeing all the symptoms of confusion, etc. What do I do? How do I handle this? I don’t have a sibling who can help with my mom. I live here in the US, mom in Europe. I have teenage kids, I can’t just pack up everything and move back. Likewise, if she came here, I would have to pay everything out of pocket (I am not rich). I don’t know what I should do and how I can organize care (mental and physical). Please share your experiences, what you would do, and what you think I should do. Fwiw: I am the main breadwinner, have a mortgage and have only 2 choices: 1. A job I like, that pays me more but that’s hybrid. 2. A job that’s fully remote, less money, insane work standards and an awful, awful boss - but I could spend as much time as I want in Europe. I am torn and desperate.

OP, you mention only your sister.
Are there any other relatives who live close to your mom who could check in on her and help a bit?
They could monitor her and report back to you. You could then make an informed decision about what is best for your mom.
You could even FaceTime your relatives when they are with your mom and see for yourself what the situation is like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring her here (apply for her green card via family reunification). She will be her own household, meaning she has no income and she will qualify for means tested benefits.
Most blue states have low income medical insurance if some sort. She will get food stamps. She may even get subsidized housing.
California where my brother plans to bring our dad is just paradise for it. Not sure how things are in other states: NY is also great I heard.
Another option is for you to have guardianship over her and hire a helper where she lives. The main thing is to prevent her from being scammed out of her money.

We do not have enough facilities in this country to care for our own elderly citizens who have paid into our Medicaid system their entire working lives. Been waiting for 9 years to get subsidized housing for an elderly means-tested and eligible relative but there are zero vouchers available. All housing vouchers are prioritized for those who have minor children, including those who are non-citizens. If we (family) did not pay out-of-pocket for the elderly relative's housing costs they would be on the street. Relative did live in their car for almost six months before we found out their condition. If you open your eyes you will see many of them doing this. Go to any Walmart parking lot and you will see people 60+ living in their cars. They do not have substance abuse problems, they are merely the former working poor who can no longer work.

I'm not anti-immigrant but when it comes to resources, I do believe we have an obligation to care for our own first. It is a travesty that elderly Americans are living in their vehicles when all housing vouchers are being taken by younger people because they have minor children.

I doubt your elderly means tested relative paid much into anything, otherwise they wouldn’t be so low income as to qualify for subsidized housing. You really picked the wrong person to vent about immigrants using the social system, as I pay a lot more taxes than the vast majority of locals. And I don’t even use your public schools, so there’s that.

Well, it sounds like maybe your previous claim "I'm not rich" isn't exactly accurate.
Not surprising, in your first post you also claimed "I don't have a sibling that can help"--making it seem like you did not have a sibling, when it fact you do.

You're a dishonest person, OP.

Agree. And what a nasty, condescending and ignorant response (from what I suspect is a troll anyway). I guess the people scrubbing their floors or serving them food don't deserve anything, right?

Fact: If a person made apx. $26,000 per year then their Social Security at 65 will be apx. $1,000 per month. Many Americans did not make that much in years past. Even now, the average full time Amazon worker is making about $31,000 per year.

[Anonymous]

We absolutely have the resources. We are the richest country in the world. But republicans keep us from sharing them with the elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had conversations with a social worker, spouse who was in this situation, etc. I don’t know what to do. When I visit my mom, she seems almost normal. The longer I am gone, the worse she gets. MMSE test didn’t show clinical dementia yet, but I am seeing all the symptoms of confusion, etc. What do I do? How do I handle this? I don’t have a sibling who can help with my mom. I live here in the US, mom in Europe. I have teenage kids, I can’t just pack up everything and move back. Likewise, if she came here, I would have to pay everything out of pocket (I am not rich). I don’t know what I should do and how I can organize care (mental and physical). Please share your experiences, what you would do, and what you think I should do. Fwiw: I am the main breadwinner, have a mortgage and have only 2 choices: 1. A job I like, that pays me more but that’s hybrid. 2. A job that’s fully remote, less money, insane work standards and an awful, awful boss - but I could spend as much time as I want in Europe. I am torn and desperate.

Can you please not refer to her as "Alzheimer mom?" No one wants to be reduced to a disease.

To start, she needs social contact/stimulation. Can you arrange for that in Europe? Can you Zoom with her often?
It certainly won't control her progression, if that is in the cards, but may slow it down.

Europe is usually better than the US, in terms of social programs. You have to do your homework in terms of finding out what government agency handles this in her country. Schedule services/meetings electronically. I don't think you should move your life to Europe but you will likely have to take the lead in identifying resources on the ground for her.

I am sorry for your stress.