Is it weird to bring my mom to my in-law’s thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless she is invited by in-law's answer is NO.

NO to this. Mom is part of your family OP, she is not to be treated as a +1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she is invited by in-law's answer is NO.

NO to this. Mom is part of your family OP, she is not to be treated as a +1.

Then OP should host the dinner. It's not OP's dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she is invited by in-law's answer is NO.

NO to this. Mom is part of your family OP, she is not to be treated as a +1.

That’s not how it works. She needs to run it by MIL which sounds like it’s not an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP there is something seriously wrong with you. Your MIL is gracious enough to have your mother over for Thanksgiving and all you can do is bash her?

[Anonymous]

If I was in your shoes, I would make it known that my mom comes to all holiday gatherings with me and my family. She’s not a +1, she’s a part of my nuclear family. And make sure she looks amazing, if your MIL is really that condescending towards her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there is something seriously wrong with you. Your MIL is gracious enough to have your mother over for Thanksgiving and all you can do is bash her?

That's harsh. OP is just typical DCUM DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there is something seriously wrong with you. Your MIL is gracious enough to have your mother over for Thanksgiving and all you can do is bash her?

MIL is kind, welcoming, and loves a big family but that’s not good enough for OP! Must find something to fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was in your shoes, I would make it known that my mom comes to all holiday gatherings with me and my family. She’s not a +1, she’s a part of my nuclear family. And make sure she looks amazing, if your MIL is really that condescending towards her.

Or you can just ask, hey can mom come? Without making a grand statement and be aggressive about it when the mom doesn’t even live with OP and is no longer nuclear family. Maybe MIL will say mom is always welcome.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a fan of my DH's extended family but when they heard that the mother of one of the cousins wasn't invited to her DS's ILs for Thanksgiving and, instead, remained at home, they were all appalled. I was appalled. Unless there's bad blood, it's a miserly person that doesn't offer an invitation in this case. The response should be, "Of course, bring your mother!".

[Anonymous]

OP, you are overthinking it! Holidays are always about families merging and in-laws joining, and even random people and couples coming. Sounds like YOU feel insecure and I am afraid that could make it worse! Put your anxieties away, and enjoy the holiday. Don’t leave your mom alone, that’s awful

[Anonymous]

As a general rule: no, not weird at all. I've been to 40+ thanksgivings and this exact scenario is really common because of course Thanksgiving is about family so yes, invite your family! I've even been to Thanksgivings with ex-spouses. As long as everyone is cordial, the more the merrier.

I would watch your MIL though and also maybe give your mom a heads up about how "you know Carol likes to talk -- don't tell her anything you don't want the whole family knowing." Just for her own sake. You don't have to make it feel like a dire warning, just a reminder that your MIL is a gossip and therefore would not be a good person to confide in about her divorce or any difficulties she's having.

Actually, I just realized in writing this that I wish more people would perform this exact service. Let people know when you introduce them to someone who is very judgment or a gossip, or worse case scenario, both. It's such a gift and one I would have benefitted from more than once because I'm a fairly "let it all hang out" person around friends and family, but I've encountered a few gossipy, judgmental jerks in that mix and have told them things I wish I hadn't before I realized what they were really like.

[Anonymous]

We regularly had holidays with both sets of grandparents.

[Anonymous]

OP, is that you aren't actually given the extent of what is going on with your mom? Does she drink too much? Does she dominate conversations? Does she have highly charged political beliefs that don't mesh with in laws? I find it hard to believe anyone would act judgmental simply over someone not having a lot of family.

Something seems off.

[Anonymous]

We always brought my husbands widowed mother to my parents house h G or the holidays. We were happy we could have everyone all together and my parents are very kind and welcoming.

[Anonymous]

No. Not weird at all. Let them know beforehand. Your MIL should know that your other option is - your family skips TG with your ILs so that they can spend time with your mom on TG, and then the next day they spend time with your MIL. This option is very convoluted and awkward. Better that everyone spends TG together and you provide couple pies for the meal. Done.