Is it weird to bring my mom to my in-law’s thanksgiving?
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Anonymous
| She has nowhere else to go as I’m her only nearby family and I’m going to my in-laws’ place. They have a large family and my MIL is kind of smug about how blessed she is to have such a large, “close” family (whether it is close is debatable). They would welcome my mom, but MIL has a tendency to gossip and judge the misfortunes of others. My mom’s misfortune being that she is divorced and has no one but me. I hate for her to pity my mom or me. I’m thinking of seeing my mom by myself earlier in the day, then going to the in-laws without her. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me or her. |
Anonymous
| Of course it is not weird. She’s your mom! |
Anonymous
| Eh just bring her. She is going to ask about your mom and she will judge her the same whether she tags along or stays home alone. |
Anonymous
| On paper it’s not weird at all. My parents come to my in-laws house and vice versa. However, if your MIL will be horrible to her, don’t do it. Go celebrate with your mom instead. |
Anonymous
|
Invite your mom with you to the in-laws, and reframe it in your mind. Your MIL is lucky you don’t have Tday at your house with your mom and whomever else you’d like to invite. See it as you and your mom are a connected team, and your mom will share with you a more objective/outside perspective on your MIL and whoever else displays any nonsense. Your mom is fortunate in being free of a relationship that wasn’t working. If you have a good, positive, proud attitude about your mom, then your MIL can’t pity either of you. If you are cringy and apologetic and embarrassed, then any attempt to pity you will stick.
Do not see your mom earlier in the day and then have dinner without her. She has your first claim. |
Anonymous
| Not at all. You should reframe your thought that "she has nowhere else to go" before you ask MIL. That kind of thinking opens the door to the misfortune/pity/gossip thinking, which is totally unnecessary. |
Anonymous
This isn't something to pity, and anybody's attempt to present it as such can be shut down. Where else should a parent spend Thanksgiving than with a child who lives nearby? |
Anonymous
| No! Isn’t it common to combine families, especially if one is small? My mom always used to invite my MIL! It will be fun. |
Anonymous
Yep. She should walk in there with her head high! |
Anonymous
| We always include everyone, whether the original side or married-into side. Don't let your pride get in the way here, OP. (And I don't think you realize that it is pride here.) Your mother is in the situation she is in. Don't make it worse by having her stay at home by herself while you're having dinner with a big family. That would make me feel worse, to be excluded! |
Anonymous
| Unless she is invited by in-law's answer is NO. |
Anonymous
OP already said her mother is welcome to join by family. |
Anonymous
Though I do agree that OP's MIL has to have invited OP's mom. |
Anonymous
Love this! My mom is also divorced and part of our family and my team. If ILs host, she has come with our family (she is out of town and stays with us for holidays). I if host, ILs, BIL, SIS, come to our home. We've even hosted ILs friends who were in town from the west coast. |
Anonymous
| I always host our family for Thanksgiving and never have I thought it weird if one of my in-laws brought their moms or other family members. I just need a final headcount in time to prepare food. No weirdness, no judging. |