AITA - sister's first baby

[Anonymous]

You are NTA. You are fine, go, enjoy and do not give this a second thought.

[Anonymous]

Totally fine! Your mom needs to butt out!

[Anonymous]

Haha you are fine! My sister planned a trip when my son was 2 weeks old. That was fear but then her babysitter plans fell through (grandpa was dying so mom didn’t want to travel down to babysit) so she dropped her 2 kids off at my house and I had 5 kids with me including a newborn! That is an a-hole move. Good thing I love my sister and it was my 3rd kid so I wasn’t too stressed out.

[Anonymous]

You rock, your sister rocks, your mom sucks. Show her this comment and tell her to stop meddling.

[Anonymous]

I think you are fine. I would probably try to make proactive plans with your sister to meet the baby, if only so that when my mom gave me crap about it, I could say, "Larla and I talked about it and I've made plans to come see Larlita when she's 3 months old/at Christmas/etc." every time my mom tried to make it a problem.

[Anonymous]

At some point I imagine you want to meet the baby but it could be anytime.

[Anonymous]

You are *not* TA. I was totally the AH when we planned our wedding 2 months after SIL’s due date. I was young, childless and clueless. They made it and never complained, but after we had kids, I gave my past self a kick in the pants for that awful move!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are *not* TA. I was totally the AH when we planned our wedding 2 months after SIL’s due date. I was young, childless and clueless. They made it and never complained, but after we had kids, I gave my past self a kick in the pants for that awful move!

Cut yourself some slack. That's not awful, that's life.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Have fun. Your pot is a s$it stirrer though.

[Anonymous]

You're fine. Check in with your sister before you leave and see the baby on her schedule, not when it's most freshly hatched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine! Your mom needs to butt out!

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are fine. I would probably try to make proactive plans with your sister to meet the baby, if only so that when my mom gave me crap about it, I could say, "Larla and I talked about it and I've made plans to come see Larlita when she's 3 months old/at Christmas/etc." every time my mom tried to make it a problem.

NP. This, above, is a very good idea on several fronts. Gives you something to say that will shut mom up, OP, and also means you and your sister can look forward to your official first meeting with the baby!

I too am quite private about certain things. My mom didn't see our baby until the baby was six weeks old, DH's parents saw her at six months (they're thousands of miles away). Many new parents want the birth to be just the two parents there, then some weeks of quiet bonding as a nuclear family without even grandparents or siblings/aunts/uncles around. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Not only is it fine with the peanut gallery, but it seems to be fine with your sister as well, which is the most important person.

One of the problems with first babies is that everyone, especially grandparents, always want to visit as soon as possible, right when the new Mom is trying to recover from the hospital experience (if needed), get used to new sleep patterns, try to bond with the baby, etc. The new parents need that first month or two to get used to their new normal and the extended family are fighting to meet the new grandchild as soon as possible. So, tell you sister when you getting back from your once in a lifetime vacation and ask when it is convenient for her that you come by and visit and help out. So many want to visit in the first month or two, but, often having a visitor, especially a helper, is easier after the dust settles from the initial homecoming for the baby.

I'm a member of a multiples club (twins, triplets, etc) and our Sunshine committee arranges for members to make meals for new parents at their convenience. I've made meals for at least a half dozen families and most of the time the requests come in for 4-8 months after birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is expecting her first child in the spring. I just booked a vacation for a sort of "once in a lifetime" trips for my 40th birthday two weeks after her due date. It's not on my actual bday but the most convenient time, given other engagements and weather timing concerns. My mom is really upset with me for not "being there" for my sister. My sister and I have a close relationship; I told her about the trip and she said it sounded awesome. My sister also likes her privacy so I just assumed she would not want me around so soon after birth. As reference, my sister did not meet my own child until a month after he was born. AITA?

What does your mother think you're going to do for your sister? Ridiculous. Go on your trip and have fun.

[Anonymous]

What in the world? The only person who needs to keep their calendar open is the parents of the new baby. What, exactly, are you supposed to be doing for your sister that can’t wait until after the trip?