Paying for parents to stay locally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want them to come to your DH's graduation and pay for an AirBNB? I would be incredibly hurt if I were them and probably wouldn't come. Sorry, they are your parents. Figure out a way to work somewhere else in the house when they visit or ask them to limit the time they come on the week days. Why do you feel the need to host when they are there? I'm sure they would rather you be honest with them about not having the time/energy to host them instead of getting relegated to an AirBNB.

I'm saying that the weekend of his graduation, I want my husband to be able to relax in our own house without my parents around. We want them to be part of the celebration, but there will be several other family and friends in town as well, and I don't want to feel like we're hosting them specifically that weekend.

Why do they even need to come to his graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want them to come to your DH's graduation and pay for an AirBNB? I would be incredibly hurt if I were them and probably wouldn't come. Sorry, they are your parents. Figure out a way to work somewhere else in the house when they visit or ask them to limit the time they come on the week days. Why do you feel the need to host when they are there? I'm sure they would rather you be honest with them about not having the time/energy to host them instead of getting relegated to an AirBNB.

I'm saying that the weekend of his graduation, I want my husband to be able to relax in our own house without my parents around. We want them to be part of the celebration, but there will be several other family and friends in town as well, and I don't want to feel like we're hosting them specifically that weekend.

Why do they even need to come to his graduation?

They had expressed interest in attending

[Anonymous]

High maintenance. Apple not falling far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents live several states away. We bought our house a few years ago and they have typically stayed with us in DC when they visit. We have a large finished basement which is our guest space, it has a bathroom and kitchen, but the space is open-concept and also my office (I WFM every day).

...

I'm not sure if this makes sense... would love any feedback on the AirBnb situation (and is it reasonable we don't want them staying with us for major events sometimes?) and also the financial piece... thank you.

You had a guest space but now do not since you WFH 5 days per week. So either repurpose another room in the house as your office or a guest space.
Only alternative is them not staying in your house. We added doorss once to both entrances of a small DR and it beecame a dedicated home office.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. Our guest space was also our finished basement which is our office space as well. For 2.5 years we were both home all day every day tripping over each other trying to take calls in our open concept space. Then my ILs announced they were coming to visit and stay for 14 days. Not invited. Just announced. They are not great guests in the best of times, but there’s no way we could work from home with 2 additional demanding adults in our already awful wfh space. We suggested they shorten the time and stay with us for the long weekend and we would put them up in a hotel room for 3 additional nights. They flipped. Went off about not being welcome in our home, never having felt welcome (despite us hosting them for weeks at a time pre pandemic), etc. The end result is they have not visited here in almost 3 years now.

So I guess, if it’s alienating your parents to ask them to stay elsewhere, you get to decide if it’s worth it if they just stop visiting. (Do you also need to host your ILs? We ran into that problem for years. 2 long distance sets and barely enough space for one set to stay with us. Also caused huge blow ups over the years.)

[Anonymous]

Honestly, just pay for the AirBnB yourself. You obviously do not like having them come. Your answers are about dinner are weird. Sorry they aren't up for being your free childcare and free maid and chef.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand why your parents might have their feelings hurt. Your husband's grad is a bit more reasonable about not wanting to host - but I don't understand AT ALL about needing to be alone the morning of your son's bday to celebrate as a family of three. That actually sounds weird, especially since you said your son was only one.

On the paying issue, I don't think you have a right to any resentment at all over paying for their last visit - you asked them to come watch your son, so you should put them up at your house or pay for their accomodation. You said you did it to be nice, when really it was incumbent on you to do it.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a big baby.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read your novel, OP, but my parents always stay at an hotel. They eat lunch and dinner with us, that I cook, and get to relax for the night at their hotel, and have a quiet breakfast, instead of the usual sh1tshow that is our breakfast time

[Anonymous]

^ and they pay for their own hotel, it in the future I'd be happy to pay if they're willing to let me.

[Anonymous]

You don’t seem to like your parents much. Don’t invite them as often. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t seem to like your parents much. Don’t invite them as often. Problem solved.

You sound irritated by their presence in your home, period. Just invite them for your son’s birthday and find another backup sitter for emergencies.

[Anonymous]

OP do you ever ask them to do helpful things? “Mom, can you pick up groceries while I’m working? Here’s a list.” “Dad, can you watch X while I do this?” “Mom can you put the laundry on?” “Dad, can you put away the dishes in the dishwasher while we get X to sleep?”

[Anonymous]

I think you need some general boundaries. If your parents are coming for a weekend when you are off work, the basement area should be available to them. Have breakfast and lunch foods available and everyone makes their own. Dinners should be simple, nothing elaborate. Would your mom/dad ever offer to help with the meal preparations? Would they take the 1 year old on a long walk-in the stroller while you meal prep? Generally, if the visits were shorter, you might find it more manageable. I am not sure why you invited them to DH’s graduation.

[Anonymous]

I think you are being an a$$.

1 - why did you buy a home with an inlaw suite in the basement if not to host parents and inlaws?

2 - your child(ren) are always watching and learning. If you continue this pattern, you will not be welcome in their homes in the future.

You reap what you sow, and you are headed down the wrong path.