How to handle when partner stops planning dates/taking you out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are dumb and you can’t say it gently because they don’t get it.

“You’ve stopped planning dates and it makes me feel like you don’t care. I plan on going on one date planned by a man each week. I hope that man is you”

Men are not mind readers but you sound like a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are dumb and you can’t say it gently because they don’t get it.

“You’ve stopped planning dates and it makes me feel like you don’t care. I plan on going on one date planned by a man each week. I hope that man is you”

Men are not mind readers but you sound like a piece of work.

Ha. Yea, I am. But I’ve found that if I’m not brutally blunt, they agree to do it with little follow through. Then I waste months/years of my life trying to explain over and over.

I want great dates and great sex more than I want any specific person. So if he can’t meet the standard, I’ll find someone who will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are dumb and you can’t say it gently because they don’t get it.

“You’ve stopped planning dates and it makes me feel like you don’t care. I plan on going on one date planned by a man each week. I hope that man is you”

Men are not mind readers but you sound like a piece of work.

Ha. Yea, I am. But I’ve found that if I’m not brutally blunt, they agree to do it with little follow through. Then I waste months/years of my life trying to explain over and over.

I want great dates and great sex more than I want any specific person. So if he can’t meet the standard, I’ll find someone who will.

Man here,

You are absolutely correct. If I were your boyfriend, I would change my behavior in response to your blunt feedback. I hate wishy-washiness, as I’m not a mind reader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are dumb and you can’t say it gently because they don’t get it.

“You’ve stopped planning dates and it makes me feel like you don’t care. I plan on going on one date planned by a man each week. I hope that man is you”

I'm a man and I approve this message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are dumb and you can’t say it gently because they don’t get it.

“You’ve stopped planning dates and it makes me feel like you don’t care. I plan on going on one date planned by a man each week. I hope that man is you”

I'm a man and I approve this message.

X2

[Anonymous]

Find another guy who plans killer hikes, skydiving, and Mystery Dinner Theater evenings. But keep Guy #1 as a back up just in case.

[Anonymous]

Stop planning dates with/for him. Plan things for you and your friends so you aren't available to sit around on his couch on Fri/Sat aka date nights.

[Anonymous]

OP: thanks for all the advice. Is it reasonable to expect to be taken out once per week? Im fine with planning a date on the other nights we see each other and/or staying home together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: thanks for all the advice. Is it reasonable to expect to be taken out once per week? Im fine with planning a date on the other nights we see each other and/or staying home together.

That's plenty reasonable. At 9 months in he should still be putting in effort/not getting too comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: thanks for all the advice. Is it reasonable to expect to be taken out once per week? Im fine with planning a date on the other nights we see each other and/or staying home together.

Yes, it's reasonable to expect a boyfriend to plan one day a week. When I was in a relationship I planned out four dates a month plus two weekends a month. So around eight events or activities or dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are dumb and you can’t say it gently because they don’t get it.

“You’ve stopped planning dates and it makes me feel like you don’t care. I plan on going on one date planned by a man each week. I hope that man is you”

I'm a man and I approve this message.

I'm a guy and agree, this would work.

I think the OP's boyfriend is getting what he wants at the end of the movie nights if you know what I mean, so no need to make more efforts to plan outings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are dumb and you can’t say it gently because they don’t get it.

“You’ve stopped planning dates and it makes me feel like you don’t care. I plan on going on one date planned by a man each week. I hope that man is you”

I'm a man and I approve this message.

I'm a guy and agree, this would work.

I think the OP's boyfriend is getting what he wants at the end of the movie nights if you know what I mean, so no need to make more efforts to plan outings.

Op: I will try saying this. I’m not used to being so brutally honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: thanks for all the advice. Is it reasonable to expect to be taken out once per week? Im fine with planning a date on the other nights we see each other and/or staying home together.

I’m someone who doesn’t it find it reasonable and that’s ME. I love staying home. I’d rather plan stuff together, not plan some kind of “date night” dog and pony show.

But that’s me. It’s totally okay if that’s what YOU want. And it’s totally okay If this dude thinks it’s unreasonable. Frankly, by 9 months in, my now DH and I weren’t doing anything like “dates” anymore, and if he all of a sudden wanted that kind of going out formality and expense, we would have broken up, because we would be incompatible.

Ask for what you want. If it’s not reasonable to him, it’s ok to find out that you are incompatible. Don’t stay and be disappointed all the time. Just find a guy who likes going out that much, too.

[Anonymous]

Here’s what I would do (just like OP I am not too comfortable being super blunt):
- stop planning dates (let alone pay for them!);
- say no to his propositions of couch and movie nights, saying something like “nah, I don’t feel like staying home all night, I am in the mood to go out”. Then I would see how he reacts. Rinse, repeat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what I would do (just like OP I am not too comfortable being super blunt):
- stop planning dates (let alone pay for them!);
- say no to his propositions of couch and movie nights, saying something like “nah, I don’t feel like staying home all night, I am in the mood to go out”. Then I would see how he reacts. Rinse, repeat

+1 why not just decline these Netflix & Chill dates?