I cannot get over my yearning for one more baby

[Anonymous]

I understand that deep yearning. I have two school age kids myself and would have loved a third. However, I am 41 and that ship has sailed for me. Some days I am just thankful I got to be a mom in the first place.

If the children you have now are healthy and happy- you have won the lottery as far as I am concerned.

Remember there are no guarantees in life and that includes the children you may have. Your expectations are that you will have healthy kids, but that’s not every parents’ reality. I’m writing this as a reminder, not to be harsh, that it’s always a gamble to bring another baby into the family and how that may change dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Lady I haven’t slept in three years and a toddler is screaming his head off rn and a 9 month old is banging his head on tile because he thinks he can walk. You don’t need a fourth, you’re lucky, leave it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College move in at 61? No thanks.

+4 for me. I’m so excited for that day.

[Anonymous]

Are you a SAHM / unemployed?

[Anonymous]

I’m also 42 and sad about it, but I look at several friends and family who went for that last kid and got more than they bargained for (triplets, severe mental health issues, significant developmental delays, etc). All those kids are loved, but it’s been really hard for their families. I let myself be a little wistful but mostly just feel thankful for the family I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also 42 and sad about it, but I look at several friends and family who went for that last kid and got more than they bargained for (triplets, severe mental health issues, significant developmental delays, etc). All those kids are loved, but it’s been really hard for their families. I let myself be a little wistful but mostly just feel thankful for the family I have.

How do you personally know people in all three of those categories you mentioned. Why are you catastrophising?

[Anonymous]

Give it a natural roll of the dice for a year and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

OP, the obvious question is - how does your DH feel about this?

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I always wanted at least 3 (I’m your age & have 2, similar ages to your oldest & youngest). It’s not just the baby stage— I always wanted more kids— now, later, as adults, forever. But it isn’t going to happen. I feel sad as my kids get older & do not look forward to being an empty nester. But I think over time, you adapt & start to feel a little less sad. I try to enjoy the kids I have & the time I have with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady I haven’t slept in three years and a toddler is screaming his head off rn and a 9 month old is banging his head on tile because he thinks he can walk. You don’t need a fourth, you’re lucky, leave it be.

Love it. This is what I want to scream from the rooftops when people say "little kids, little problems!". Yes I know I'm not worrying about my teen getting someone pregnant or dying of a drug overdose or failing out of high school. But I also HAVEN'T SLEPT IN YEARS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m also 42 and sad about it, but I look at several friends and family who went for that last kid and got more than they bargained for (triplets, severe mental health issues, significant developmental delays, etc). All those kids are loved, but it’s been really hard for their families. I let myself be a little wistful but mostly just feel thankful for the family I have.

How do you personally know people in all three of those categories you mentioned. Why are you catastrophising?

np but I know not one but two people with triplets (all spontaneous), many people whose kids have mental health struggles and many people who have delayed/ SN kids. none of this is super rare (granted, triplets are pretty rare)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady I haven’t slept in three years and a toddler is screaming his head off rn and a 9 month old is banging his head on tile because he thinks he can walk. You don’t need a fourth, you’re lucky, leave it be.

Love it. This is what I want to scream from the rooftops when people say "little kids, little problems!". Yes I know I'm not worrying about my teen getting someone pregnant or dying of a drug overdose or failing out of high school. But I also HAVEN'T SLEPT IN YEARS.

The sad thing is that I am both these PPs AND I get where the OP is coming from. I want another baby (...or two) even though I *know* I don't have the financial or logistical bandwidth for more babies until my current babies are grown up. The hormones are strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady I haven’t slept in three years and a toddler is screaming his head off rn and a 9 month old is banging his head on tile because he thinks he can walk. You don’t need a fourth, you’re lucky, leave it be.

Love it. This is what I want to scream from the rooftops when people say "little kids, little problems!". Yes I know I'm not worrying about my teen getting someone pregnant or dying of a drug overdose or failing out of high school. But I also HAVEN'T SLEPT IN YEARS.

The sad thing is that I am both these PPs AND I get where the OP is coming from. I want another baby (...or two) even though I *know* I don't have the financial or logistical bandwidth for more babies until my current babies are grown up. The hormones are strong.

Same...I have a 4yo and a 1.5yo, both very active boys. This is definitely the max that DH and I can handle with our jobs and finances but I still think "maybe a third would be nice...maybe a girl" (of course with my luck I'd have twin boys)

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way. I actually had my tubes tied when I had my youngest (8 years ago!), but it’s surprising how that feeling doesn’t go away. Sometimes I will dream that I found out I was pregnant, and I wake up so happy until I realize that I’m actually not.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 14 and 9 and we are done. But… when I shopping with my youngest DD for school clothes last week I had an irrational ache when walking past the baby and toddler clothes. I loved the baby/toddler stages of life!