Does anyone else hate having their ils to stay?

[Anonymous]

my goodness, I think my in-laws may have a few other families they didn't tell us about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do, but I also generally hate having people stay at my house.

This, but I would say something about the burping and farting.

What would you say? Idk how to do this without being super rude

[Anonymous]

Yes, hate hate hate it. MIL is very difficult, and stays for unpredictable amounts of time. At one point it was in the months, and I was on the verge of moving out of my own house by the time she finally left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, hate hate hate it. MIL is very difficult, and stays for unpredictable amounts of time. At one point it was in the months, and I was on the verge of moving out of my own house by the time she finally left.

This would drive me insane. I can't host people without an end point in mind. Even if it's a longterm stay, it is mentally helpful for me to know when I will have the house back to myself because that knowledge can help LOT in ensuring I can stay pleasant and hospitable.

One of the reasons we have not moved to a larger home is that my DH is worried that it will encourage my BIL or MIL to stay for indefinite periods and he wouldn't be able to handle it. I wouldn't like it either, but I think he hates it even more than I do. With family, having clear boundaries can be really important to keeping everyone sane.

The PP arguing that you should just naturally be hospitable and happy to host ILs (or any extended family) out of love is deranged. I love my family, that is not the same as wanting to live with them. Limits are necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, hate hate hate it. MIL is very difficult, and stays for unpredictable amounts of time. At one point it was in the months, and I was on the verge of moving out of my own house by the time she finally left.

That’s a HELL to the no. WTH were you and your husband thinking? Tell her to ease on down the road after 6 nights at the absolute maximum, unless she lives abroad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are my husband's parents. He loves them, they love him. How on earth could I possibly "hate" them when they are the reason that the man I love is alive?

Grow up, OP.

OP didn’t say she hates her in-laws. She said she hates when they visit. And guess what? Different people can have different viewpoints and experiences. It doesn’t mean they need to “grow up.” Part of becoming mature is realizing this. If you don’t mind your in-laws visiting, that’s nice for you. Maybe OP’s are annoying in ways yours aren’t.

They are my husband's parents. He loves them, they love him. How on earth could I possibly "hate" them when they are the reason that the man I love is alive?

Grow up, OP.

I stand by my response.

Only petty, little, insecure people allow others to dictate how they feel. If you are a mature adult, then you should be able to work around your own preferences to be hospitable and accepting of the people who love your loved one. Why on earth are you willing to give power to people you "hate" to have in your home? That's insane.

Grow up.

Pp if you never allow others to dictate how you feel why on earth are you on a ‘family relationships’ message board? Just to endlessly tell people not to have feelings about other humans?

I can't read the board because I am mentally stable? Okey dokey. Thanks for clarifying! Away I go!

[Anonymous]

I don’t hate having MIL visit but I am always relieved to have her gone. She’s like an overgrown child - needs attention every minute of the day or will pout, leaves dirty dishes and messes everywhere, will take a sip of water from a glass and then get a new glass 15 minutes for another sip of water, stays up half the night and then sleeps until the middle of the day, is a picky eater that won’t admit she is one, etc… And yes, she has always been this way, my spouse has had to be in the parent/caretaker role since childhood. I have small children and it’s like having an even messier 60-something kid around.

Thankfully the visits are rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are my husband's parents. He loves them, they love him. How on earth could I possibly "hate" them when they are the reason that the man I love is alive?

Grow up, OP.

Not OP but it's simple, really. I hate my MIL because she sucks. She even did a crap job of raising my husband. Anything good about him is in spite of her, not because of her.

[Anonymous]

My in laws don't stay overnight anymore because we moved close to them so now their visits are just a couple hours at a time, just for a meal or to hang out for awhile and then they go back home. It's really nice to be able to do that. However, even when we lived farther away and they did stay overnight, they were great guests. They never expected much from us. They would insist on helping cook, clean, do little projects around the house, take care of the kids so we could go out. And they would go to bed right after the kids did so my spouse and I could have some alone time in the evenings, which was so nice.

I cannot stand having my parents visit. They are way worse than my in laws used to be. Before they come visit, they send a list of all the things they want from the grocery store that I'm expected to go out and get before they arrive, as if we don't live a few minutes' drive from the store and they couldn't possibly wait til they're here and go pick up these things themselves. They are critical and judgmental and always making little comments about the house or our kids or whatever that is annoying. They also expect to be catered to the whole time they're here and don't really help out with anything. It's not that I mind cooking for them or cleaning up after them, it's just that they don't even say thank you or this is a good meal or anything like that. They just act entitled to everything. They expect us to plan all these activities and don't ever plan anything themselves and then they complain about what we chose to do or the timing of it (we have young kids so we tend to want to do things out of the house earlier in the day and then have nap/rest time in the afternoon but that doesn't work w/ my parents' schedule and they refuse to adapt to the kids' schedule) And they stay up until 11-12 every night and expect us to stay up with them and talk to them or pick out a movie to watch together (we do not have the same taste in movies) instead of retreating to their guest room where they could watch tv by themselves. They also never volunteer to watch the kids for us or help out with anything around the house like my in laws do.

I guess we are spoiled by how great my husband's parents are and it just illuminates my parents' flaws even more having these wonderful in laws to compare them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s really the whole jist of it - I just really hate having them. I feel guilty about it but they come with a thousand pieces of paraphernalia, fil takes up all the air in the room, won’t go anywhere, won’t sit outside, won’t eat anything that’s not processed meat, holds court about stuff and burps and farts at will. Anyone else feel this dread about their in laws coming?

same here. everything wears out and they eat everything they can find. thank goodness they don't drink much.

[Anonymous]

I love my in laws yet don’t love it when they stay. We didn’t buy a gigantic house.

MIL became quite upset during one stay, and I dread a repeat. She wasn’t comfortable and could easily pay for a hotel but didn’t want to do so. They frequently don’t want to go anywhere so we have plotted to make plans or ask them way ahead of time if they have preferences. Otherwise, they will come with no ideas and we do nothing.

I sort of think their family is not used to visiting family in an area where there are so many interesting things to do. They usually sit around when visiting us so I think they see or think about possibilities. That’s why we started to bring up ideas.

[Anonymous]

I have two sets of ILs due to second marriages. I like when one set visits, because they're fun and laid back. The other set make me uncomfortable, because they clearly can't relax, and it gets on my nerves.

[Anonymous]

I love my in laws. They are wonderful people. They live very close by, so they don't stay, but when we've gone to the beach together it's been lovely.

My husband's MIL though? Yeah, I mean I love her, but she's hard to like. I still have emotional scars from her last stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do, but I also generally hate having people stay at my house.

This, but I would say something about the burping and farting.

What would you say? Idk how to do this without being super rude

I wouldn’t worry about being rude. He clearly isn’t! Just say, “ugh! Gross, Bob. ”

[Anonymous]

The best thing that ever happened was my in-laws moved from 8 hours away by car to 15 minutes away by car. Everyone thought I was crazy but I was overjoyed. Now we don't need to sleep at their house and they don't need to sleep at ours. No PTO needed for visits. We see them for a lunch or dinner about twice a month. And bonus, if my husband wants to meet his dad on his own, its easy!