Verbally abusive mother at the park - what would you do?

[Anonymous]

The heatstroke comment freaks me out because of the number of kids that die in cars. On the other hand if you didn’t film it, there’s no actionable evidence other than you saying to a police officer that a lady was verbally abusing her child and that’s an awfully low standard to cause major disruption in a person’s life. If you saw it again and could safely film I might send it to the relevant socialist services agency with the additional information that I had witnessed behavior like this previously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mind your own business lady.

+1 I understand how you feel, op, and I'm glad she saw you and knew you heard her. Unfortunately for her children, she believes that that is how you talk to kids. They have a hell of a struggle ahead in life. I once approached a woman in the grocery store who was verbally abusing and spanking her small child (this was before I was a parent). I asked her if she wanted a hand with her groceries or her kid. She cussed me out and threatened to beat me up. I walked away and took solace in that I had at least stopped the beating. But if they act like this in public, you know what occurs in private is so much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once told a woman that the things she was saying were inappropriate to say to a small child and she threatened to beat me and chased me in her car. I was on a bicycle with my kid. Never again. People are crazy! If she's actively beating the kid get her license plate number and quietly call the police for a welfare check otherwise MYOB.

Well you are an idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The heatstroke comment freaks me out because of the number of kids that die in cars. On the other hand if you didn’t film it, there’s no actionable evidence other than you saying to a police officer that a lady was verbally abusing her child and that’s an awfully low standard to cause major disruption in a person’s life. If you saw it again and could safely film I might send it to the relevant socialist services agency with the additional information that I had witnessed behavior like this previously.

Why would the heatstroke part freak you out? It doesn’t sound like she was threatening her children with causing heatstroke; sounds more like she was extremely frustrated that the kid wasn’t getting into the car seat, thus taking longer to leave, and it was hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once told a woman that the things she was saying were inappropriate to say to a small child and she threatened to beat me and chased me in her car. I was on a bicycle with my kid. Never again. People are crazy! If she's actively beating the kid get her license plate number and quietly call the police for a welfare check otherwise MYOB.

Well you are an idiot

I'm not surprised. What did you expect PP? You actually escalated the situation by becoming confrontational and smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens more often than you think Op especially in low SES.

Yeah…sounds like a typical school drop off/pickup in my city

[Anonymous]

I would do nothing. People have different situations in life and honestly it’s none of your business.

I once saw a mom acting similarly to her kid. When they stopped near where I was sitting I complimented the kid’s shoes. I complimented the mom on the kid. She sat next to me and started talking. She had just gotten out of the hospital and had no family support. She was doing her best but she was overwhelmed. The poor kid and poor mom. That’s where my mind goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing. People have different situations in life and honestly it’s none of your business.

I once saw a mom acting similarly to her kid. When they stopped near where I was sitting I complimented the kid’s shoes. I complimented the mom on the kid. She sat next to me and started talking. She had just gotten out of the hospital and had no family support. She was doing her best but she was overwhelmed. The poor kid and poor mom. That’s where my mind goes.

I don’t see what being in the hospital has anything to do with telling your toddler you are “going to beat their stupid a**”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens more often than you think Op especially in low SES.

Yeah…sounds like a typical school drop off/pickup in my city

And Walmart parking lots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You trying to start a race war?

The OP said nothing about race. Are you implying that there are only certain races capable of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still shaken from this and am wondering what was the right thing to say/do (if anything). This mom was in the parking lot, loading her kids into the car - she put one child who looked to be 2 or 3 in the car, and was tending to her younger kid who was in the stroller. The 3 year old starting wailing from the car, not saying anything, just that annoying scream-whine that kids do sometimes. She ignored it/him for a couple minutes, then abruptly threw the door open and yelled, “DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOUR STUPID A*$?! GET IN YOUR F*****G CARSEAT!!!” It was beyond jarring and, obviously, awful. She looked up and realized I was staring at her in alarm (I was standing next to my parked car, maybe 15 feet away and had been there for a couple minutes, unloading my kids). She didn’t say anything and went back to what she was doing (a minute later I heard her mutter, much more quietly, to the 3yo: ‘do you want to get f*****g heatstroke?’)

I’m certainly not claiming I’ve never lost my temper with my kids but this was pretty shocking. I felt torn between asking if she/everything was okay, or giving her a piece of my mind, or calling the police for a welfare check (…I did not do this, ftr.) or just minding my own business. Not that this matters, I would have been shocked no matter whose mouth it came out of (again, to a TODDLER!), but she was a very normal looking mom; put together, clean and driving a nice-ish car, young but not crazy young (30ish maybe?)

I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if there is something I should have done. What would you have done or said (if anything)?

Nowadays busy bodies film these episodes and put them on social media

[Anonymous]

This is why trash shouldn’t procreate. Poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens more often than you think Op especially in low SES.

Happens a lot at my Title One school at pickup and occasionally at arrival.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing. People have different situations in life and honestly it’s none of your business.

I once saw a mom acting similarly to her kid. When they stopped near where I was sitting I complimented the kid’s shoes. I complimented the mom on the kid. She sat next to me and started talking. She had just gotten out of the hospital and had no family support. She was doing her best but she was overwhelmed. The poor kid and poor mom. That’s where my mind goes.

I don’t see what being in the hospital has anything to do with telling your toddler you are “going to beat their stupid a**”

DP, but you don’t understand how being incredibly stressed can lead parents to lose their shit with their kids? Really?

There’s not much you can do in these cases, other than to offer some empathy as the PP did. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still shaken from this and am wondering what was the right thing to say/do (if anything). This mom was in the parking lot, loading her kids into the car - she put one child who looked to be 2 or 3 in the car, and was tending to her younger kid who was in the stroller. The 3 year old starting wailing from the car, not saying anything, just that annoying scream-whine that kids do sometimes. She ignored it/him for a couple minutes, then abruptly threw the door open and yelled, “DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOUR STUPID A*$?! GET IN YOUR F*****G CARSEAT!!!” It was beyond jarring and, obviously, awful. She looked up and realized I was staring at her in alarm (I was standing next to my parked car, maybe 15 feet away and had been there for a couple minutes, unloading my kids). She didn’t say anything and went back to what she was doing (a minute later I heard her mutter, much more quietly, to the 3yo: ‘do you want to get f*****g heatstroke?’)

I’m certainly not claiming I’ve never lost my temper with my kids but this was pretty shocking. I felt torn between asking if she/everything was okay, or giving her a piece of my mind, or calling the police for a welfare check (…I did not do this, ftr.) or just minding my own business. Not that this matters, I would have been shocked no matter whose mouth it came out of (again, to a TODDLER!), but she was a very normal looking mom; put together, clean and driving a nice-ish car, young but not crazy young (30ish maybe?)

I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if there is something I should have done. What would you have done or said (if anything)?

The kid was being defiant. She lost her temper. You admit you have lost your temper with your kids. Can you tell us what came out of your mouth during the times that you've lost your temper with your kids, and then maybe we can help you come to terms with why you are "still shaken," as you say, from this incident.