Verbally abusive mother at the park - what would you do?

[Anonymous]

I am still shaken from this and am wondering what was the right thing to say/do (if anything). This mom was in the parking lot, loading her kids into the car - she put one child who looked to be 2 or 3 in the car, and was tending to her younger kid who was in the stroller. The 3 year old starting wailing from the car, not saying anything, just that annoying scream-whine that kids do sometimes. She ignored it/him for a couple minutes, then abruptly threw the door open and yelled, “DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOUR STUPID A*$?! GET IN YOUR F*****G CARSEAT!!!” It was beyond jarring and, obviously, awful. She looked up and realized I was staring at her in alarm (I was standing next to my parked car, maybe 15 feet away and had been there for a couple minutes, unloading my kids). She didn’t say anything and went back to what she was doing (a minute later I heard her mutter, much more quietly, to the 3yo: ‘do you want to get f*****g heatstroke?’)

I’m certainly not claiming I’ve never lost my temper with my kids but this was pretty shocking. I felt torn between asking if she/everything was okay, or giving her a piece of my mind, or calling the police for a welfare check (…I did not do this, ftr.) or just minding my own business. Not that this matters, I would have been shocked no matter whose mouth it came out of (again, to a TODDLER!), but she was a very normal looking mom; put together, clean and driving a nice-ish car, young but not crazy young (30ish maybe?)

I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if there is something I should have done. What would you have done or said (if anything)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still shaken from this and am wondering what was the right thing to say/do (if anything). This mom was in the parking lot, loading her kids into the car - she put one child who looked to be 2 or 3 in the car, and was tending to her younger kid who was in the stroller. The 3 year old starting wailing from the car, not saying anything, just that annoying scream-whine that kids do sometimes. She ignored it/him for a couple minutes, then abruptly threw the door open and yelled, “DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOUR STUPID A*$?! GET IN YOUR F*****G CARSEAT!!!” It was beyond jarring and, obviously, awful. She looked up and realized I was staring at her in alarm (I was standing next to my parked car, maybe 15 feet away and had been there for a couple minutes, unloading my kids). She didn’t say anything and went back to what she was doing (a minute later I heard her mutter, much more quietly, to the 3yo: ‘do you want to get f*****g heatstroke?’)

I’m certainly not claiming I’ve never lost my temper with my kids but this was pretty shocking. I felt torn between asking if she/everything was okay, or giving her a piece of my mind, or calling the police for a welfare check (…I did not do this, ftr.) or just minding my own business. Not that this matters, I would have been shocked no matter whose mouth it came out of (again, to a TODDLER!), but she was a very normal looking mom; put together, clean and driving a nice-ish car, young but not crazy young (30ish maybe?)

I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if there is something I should have done. What would you have done or said (if anything)?

I wouldn’t have said anything.

[Anonymous]

Unless the child is in imminent danger, I wouldn't say or do anything to escalate.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. Yelling and swearing at your kids is horrible but it’s not illegal. People suck.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been told by a social worker friend that saying something to a parent, a stranger- even well intended, can make it worse for the child after the incident. I suppose if the parent felt embarrassed, humiliated or shamed they may take it out on the child? As in it’s the child’s fault for making them look bad.
OP, I agree it is very upsetting, but I don’t say anything.

[Anonymous]

She wasn’t beating the kid. I would MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still shaken from this and am wondering what was the right thing to say/do (if anything). This mom was in the parking lot, loading her kids into the car - she put one child who looked to be 2 or 3 in the car, and was tending to her younger kid who was in the stroller. The 3 year old starting wailing from the car, not saying anything, just that annoying scream-whine that kids do sometimes. She ignored it/him for a couple minutes, then abruptly threw the door open and yelled, “DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOUR STUPID A*$?! GET IN YOUR F*****G CARSEAT!!!” It was beyond jarring and, obviously, awful. She looked up and realized I was staring at her in alarm (I was standing next to my parked car, maybe 15 feet away and had been there for a couple minutes, unloading my kids). She didn’t say anything and went back to what she was doing (a minute later I heard her mutter, much more quietly, to the 3yo: ‘do you want to get f*****g heatstroke?’)

I’m certainly not claiming I’ve never lost my temper with my kids but this was pretty shocking. I felt torn between asking if she/everything was okay, or giving her a piece of my mind, or calling the police for a welfare check (…I did not do this, ftr.) or just minding my own business. Not that this matters, I would have been shocked no matter whose mouth it came out of (again, to a TODDLER!), but she was a very normal looking mom; put together, clean and driving a nice-ish car, young but not crazy young (30ish maybe?)

I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if there is something I should have done. What would you have done or said (if anything)?

You trying to start a race war?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still shaken from this and am wondering what was the right thing to say/do (if anything). This mom was in the parking lot, loading her kids into the car - she put one child who looked to be 2 or 3 in the car, and was tending to her younger kid who was in the stroller. The 3 year old starting wailing from the car, not saying anything, just that annoying scream-whine that kids do sometimes. She ignored it/him for a couple minutes, then abruptly threw the door open and yelled, “DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOUR STUPID A*$?! GET IN YOUR F*****G CARSEAT!!!” It was beyond jarring and, obviously, awful. She looked up and realized I was staring at her in alarm (I was standing next to my parked car, maybe 15 feet away and had been there for a couple minutes, unloading my kids). She didn’t say anything and went back to what she was doing (a minute later I heard her mutter, much more quietly, to the 3yo: ‘do you want to get f*****g heatstroke?’)

I’m certainly not claiming I’ve never lost my temper with my kids but this was pretty shocking. I felt torn between asking if she/everything was okay, or giving her a piece of my mind, or calling the police for a welfare check (…I did not do this, ftr.) or just minding my own business. Not that this matters, I would have been shocked no matter whose mouth it came out of (again, to a TODDLER!), but she was a very normal looking mom; put together, clean and driving a nice-ish car, young but not crazy young (30ish maybe?)

I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering if there is something I should have done. What would you have done or said (if anything)?

You trying to start a race war?

Looks like you are.

[Anonymous]

Mind your own business lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. Yelling and swearing at your kids is horrible but it’s not illegal. People suck.

Depends upon the jurisdiction. A few states make cursing in the presence of children under 14 a minor criminal offense such as disorderly conduct. Georgia is one such state. Other variations exist.

I agree that it is best not to escalate as the adult's anger may be taken out on the infant or child.

[Anonymous]

Maybe (probably not, but maybe) seeing your alarmed face will be a wake up call for her. I am not like this, of course, but I do have a short fuse and this kind of interaction would snap me back to reality like "oh man, I'm being a real jerk here."

[Anonymous]

Mind your business, Karen, or prepare to have your ass whooped.

[Anonymous]

This happens more often than you think Op especially in low SES.

[Anonymous]

Sadly there’s nothing you can do.

However, I once saw a woman do something similar to her kids and about 15 minutes later I saw her on the floor in tears talking to someone on her phone who I assume was her husband. She was begging him to come home. And I realized she wasn’t just a shitty mom, she was probably struggling with depression or pain or SOMETHING. And it made me realize that I could have, when I first saw her losing it with her kids, said something sympathetic like, “we’ve all been there! Would you like any help? I can play with them while you take a few minutes to chill on your phone” or something similar.

[Anonymous]

I once told a woman that the things she was saying were inappropriate to say to a small child and she threatened to beat me and chased me in her car. I was on a bicycle with my kid. Never again. People are crazy! If she's actively beating the kid get her license plate number and quietly call the police for a welfare check otherwise MYOB.