Jealous of better looking babies, kids

[Anonymous]

Therapy

[Anonymous]

Not of babies or kids. But I have a good friend whose three adult kids are really good looking, super nice and successful. I’m a little jealous but I love my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is natural to think your own children are the most beautiful children you’ve ever seen, no?

+1

[Anonymous]

No, definitely not jealous. I adore my kids and think they are absolutely amazing. I love my mini me daughter who looks just like me.

I have a few friends who have beautiful daughters. One in particular is stunning. One was the most beautiful baby but is now an awkward tween and is probably below average. Maybe she will blossom again as a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is most likely being asked by someone who thinks their own kid is stunning and should be a model. Surely everyone must be in awe of your child's amazing beauty, right?

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is natural to think your own children are the most beautiful children you’ve ever seen, no?

This! Everyone thinks their kid is the cutest! It’s the way it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No because I think my kid is the most beautiful

Until they start resembling you in 5 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew a mother who felt this way a few years ago. She had other mental health issues, OP. It’s not a natural or normal way to feel. It’s a biological imperative that we think our offspring are the most attractive.

Not OP but I am objectively able to tell some kids are better looking than mine. I think another poster nailed it when saying that it's good to be above a certain threshold of looks because it makes life easier. I think, but don't know, that there are diminishing returns after a certain point -- certainly being ugly is not good when it comes to relationships, social, jobs, but being good-enough looking (okay - looking?) is important. Super model good looks may actually hurt in some areas. Anyone know what studies say about this?

You know, I do have mental health issues (garden variety anxiety / depression like some crazy % of women). So I suppose it's possible that part of the reason I am able to tell my kids aren't super models is related. I know depression and anxiety are linked w an ability to see more clearly and objectively generally. But I'm not sure that's the reason in my case (honestly, I think it's an ability to see the big picture) and I Don't think mothers who aren't able to realize their kids aren't great looking are the only healthy ones.

Plus, one thing I have realized as my kids get older is that they really change A LOT through the years- not just what they look like but if they are good looking or not.

[Anonymous]

One of my kids was a preemie and objectively ugly for a few months. She is now in her 20s and laughing at her baby pictures.

But, the reason she has so many pictures to laugh at, is that at the time I thought she was the most beautiful baby in the world and trued to document every breath of that absolutely stunning creature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a mother who felt this way a few years ago. She had other mental health issues, OP. It’s not a natural or normal way to feel. It’s a biological imperative that we think our offspring are the most attractive.

Not OP but I am objectively able to tell some kids are better looking than mine. I think another poster nailed it when saying that it's good to be above a certain threshold of looks because it makes life easier. I think, but don't know, that there are diminishing returns after a certain point -- certainly being ugly is not good when it comes to relationships, social, jobs, but being good-enough looking (okay - looking?) is important. Super model good looks may actually hurt in some areas. Anyone know what studies say about this?

You know, I do have mental health issues (garden variety anxiety / depression like some crazy % of women). So I suppose it's possible that part of the reason I am able to tell my kids aren't super models is related. I know depression and anxiety are linked w an ability to see more clearly and objectively generally. But I'm not sure that's the reason in my case (honestly, I think it's an ability to see the big picture) and I Don't think mothers who aren't able to realize their kids aren't great looking are the only healthy ones.

Plus, one thing I have realized as my kids get older is that they really change A LOT through the years- not just what they look like but if they are good looking or not.

Agree with all this (including the thing about depression making you more objective— there have been studies that show depressed people are better able to recall actual details if a scene whereas people who are not depressed tend to forget more easily and fill them in with imagined details that tend to be more positive).

I also think more people know their own kids’ flaws more than they let on because people are pretty good at selecting flattering photos of their kids to share with others. I know lots of people whose kids always look amazing on social media but IRL I can see they are more average. If “mom goggles” were real, you’d see more people post photos where their kid just looks okay but she thinks they look amazing. I know my kid has certain angles and features that are less cute, and I consciously edit photos that emphasize them out. While of course I think my kid is beautiful, I’m able to objectively know when they don’t look as good and shield them from having that exposed. I don’t think that means I’m mentally ill, I think it makes me a good mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my kid is above a certain threshold of attractiveness, objectively. I am glad for this, as it will make life easier for her. But beyond that, I don't really care how pretty she is and I don't envy people with kids who are probably objectively more attractive than mine. My kid is so funny, curious, and sweet. I think she's so likable and interesting. I honestly just don't measure her attractiveness against other kids.

This sums up how I look at it, too.

[Anonymous]

Our newest grandbaby is so cute it's ridiculous. And we've seen a lot of babies in our day . . .

[Anonymous]

Yes. Some kids/people are just beautiful and of course we all wish we could be but not everyone is that lucky

[Anonymous]

No not jealous of their looks, though I have one child who has always looked a little odd. Maybe a little jealous of the better treatment some of these kids have gotten from preschool and early elem teachers. But I've learned not to measure this one by my yardstick.
His awkwardness is peeling away as he has been in middle school and heading toward high school. He is just a fascinating kid to me. His skills, charisma, and resiliency have won him allies among his peers and adults. I take no credit. I feel like the mom of the ugly duckling, in shock at seeing a budding swan (though maybe not in looks, he's average at best.)

[Anonymous]

My toddler is above-average beautiful and, like all toddlers, if she is clean and neatly dressed and hair is brushed she is even moreso.

She has a toddler friend, though, a little boy, who is objectively a stunning, top 1% of humanity attractive, child. I am able to think he’s gorgeous— and tell his Mama so!— without being jealous, but I wonder if it’s easier because he’s a boy?