Welp, now you have 3 kids who don’t call

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adore my parent and consider them my best friends. That being said a few years ago I had a stressful month. I was seriously overwhelmed on every level, I also had a major health issue and was hospitalized. I ended up not calling my parents for a month. And the strangest thing was that they didn’t even call me ONCE. Parents who I called daily since I left home. I had texted my parents multiple times a day before. Once the dust settled I couldn’t believe they wouldn’t call me and I was really hurt. And then a few more months went by and they still didn’t call. Wtf.

I got over it and started calling them several times a week, but it has stuck with me. If I don’t call, my parents will literally forget I exist. They won’t call EVER. It blows my mind and I’ll never treat my kids like this. My in-laws never call Dh either. But in their case, he doesn’t care and so they just miss out on learning about our kids. Their loss. What is it with people who don’t reciprocate?

I would have yelled at them. What the heck were they thinking? What if you'd died? Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents also refused to call me OP. And gave me a hard time. Never understood it.

It’s a generational thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adore my parent and consider them my best friends. That being said a few years ago I had a stressful month. I was seriously overwhelmed on every level, I also had a major health issue and was hospitalized. I ended up not calling my parents for a month. And the strangest thing was that they didn’t even call me ONCE. Parents who I called daily since I left home. I had texted my parents multiple times a day before. Once the dust settled I couldn’t believe they wouldn’t call me and I was really hurt. And then a few more months went by and they still didn’t call. Wtf.

I got over it and started calling them several times a week, but it has stuck with me. If I don’t call, my parents will literally forget I exist. They won’t call EVER. It blows my mind and I’ll never treat my kids like this. My in-laws never call Dh either. But in their case, he doesn’t care and so they just miss out on learning about our kids. Their loss. What is it with people who don’t reciprocate?

They're probably trying to respect your space as an adult. They don't want to be overbearing parents. My parents never called me either. Like literally never. I call my adult DC now and they never call me. Ever. It's weird. I guess it's something every family has to work out.

[Anonymous]

My mother won’t even commit to being in town when we go visit.

[Anonymous]

DH calls his mom every day and she just blew up at him because she was lonely and he needed to do more. FIL is still alive.

DH rarely responds but he got defensive back. It happens, they just push and push and there is a breaking point with it. Take some time and see how you feel.

Their happiness is not your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

They need a time-out.

[Anonymous]

My mom refuses to call me. Says it’s my job to call her. But I know damn well that she calls my sister.

[Anonymous]

Welp, welp welp welp welp welp welp. Well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

THIS

+2. Come on OP. Express your anger, take a break for a bit, but don’t seriously stop calling your parents over this.

Or . . . OP's parent can pick up the phone and call to the extent they want to hear from her. I understand that even senior citizens can make outgoing calls these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

THIS

+2. Come on OP. Express your anger, take a break for a bit, but don’t seriously stop calling your parents over this.

Or . . . OP's parent can pick up the phone and call to the extent they want to hear from her. I understand that even senior citizens can make outgoing calls these days.

Continue to voice that. But as people here have said, this isn’t an uncommon viewpoint of older generations, that it’s the younger ones that call them. It can stem from an (in our view) outdated notion of respect looks like, or it can be from being uncomfortable about potentially disturbing a young family, or it can be from absentmindedness etc. Discuss it, let them know you’d appreciate a phone call. Take a break if you need to, space out your phone calls if you find it super annoying.

But cutting off contact for something like this is over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

THIS

+2. Come on OP. Express your anger, take a break for a bit, but don’t seriously stop calling your parents over this.

Or . . . OP's parent can pick up the phone and call to the extent they want to hear from her. I understand that even senior citizens can make outgoing calls these days.

Continue to voice that. But as people here have said, this isn’t an uncommon viewpoint of older generations, that it’s the younger ones that call them. It can stem from an (in our view) outdated notion of respect looks like, or it can be from being uncomfortable about potentially disturbing a young family, or it can be from absentmindedness etc. Discuss it, let them know you’d appreciate a phone call. Take a break if you need to, space out your phone calls if you find it super annoying.

But cutting off contact for something like this is over the top.

PP who said my mom never calls.

But why? Why shouldn’t parents call their children? My ILs call my DH. Now that I have my own child I can’t FATHOM never calling her. That makes me so sad to think about. I can’t imagine imposing some weird dynamic where she has to be the one to call me. If you want to talk to someone, call them. It’s that simple.

The irony is, the more that my mom complains that I don’t call her, yet she doesn’t call me, just makes me want to speak to her less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

THIS

+2. Come on OP. Express your anger, take a break for a bit, but don’t seriously stop calling your parents over this.

Or . . . OP's parent can pick up the phone and call to the extent they want to hear from her. I understand that even senior citizens can make outgoing calls these days.

Continue to voice that. But as people here have said, this isn’t an uncommon viewpoint of older generations, that it’s the younger ones that call them. It can stem from an (in our view) outdated notion of respect looks like, or it can be from being uncomfortable about potentially disturbing a young family, or it can be from absentmindedness etc. Discuss it, let them know you’d appreciate a phone call. Take a break if you need to, space out your phone calls if you find it super annoying.

But cutting off contact for something like this is over the top.

OP’s situation seems like it has a lot more going on - no contact with 2 children?

But as for your point, complaining when I call that I have not called enough? Does not make me want to talk to that person, even if it’s my parent. I’ve discussed it enough with my parents, they are not changing at this point. I have not cut off my parents but their complaints and lack of reciprocity makes me wants to avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents also refused to call me OP. And gave me a hard time. Never understood it.

It’s a generational thing.

My mom won't call either; she says I'm busier than she is so she wouldn't know when to call. She will text in her stream of consciousness, no punctuation, and sometimes "off" translations because she is using the microphone dictation. But if she calls, I know it is a mistake or an emergency. She's quite elderly but in good health. The last time it was an emergency, it was my DB had disappeared in a foreign country and she was at her wits' end.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents also refused to call me OP. And gave me a hard time. Never understood it.

It’s a generational thing.

My 80 year FIL calls my DH. All the older generation calls, texts, or emails. It's really a "some people are stuck in their ways."