Welp, now you have 3 kids who don’t call

[Anonymous]

I call my parents regularly, at least twice a week. Have for 20+ years ever since I left for college. My older sister and younger brother rarely call. (It should be noted that my parents don’t call THEM, because God forbid the parent initiate a call to the child, when that’s now proper deference to the patriarch/matriarch, eye-roll.)

Every now and again, when I don’t call as frequently as usual (or not on a Sunday, the one day they really expect), they act miffed and put-upon when I call like a day or two later. Somehow, my siblings never get this crap. Somehow, my parents don’t just pick up the phone and call me when they want to talk—which they darn well could, being retired and having nothing they have to do and all.

My mom started in, and I have had it. I told her, “You have my number. If you want to talk, you can call me. But I am your one child who does call you regularly, so if you have complaints about your kids not calling, you can take it up with Sally and Bill.” She didn’t back down and went off.

Welp, I’m done. Now she has 3 kids who don’t call. Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I think...I think there are bigger issues at play here. I hope this boundary of not calling them brings some clarity and insights into your family dynamics. Please don't be shocked if they don't call you, either. Maybe you and your siblings should have a conference?

[Anonymous]

Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

Oh stop. Totally get it, OP. You aren’t wrong for having reached you breaking point.

[Anonymous]

I get it. When I called mom all she did was complain that I didn't do x, y z for her so I stopped calling. When I visited in her home all she did was tantrum at me so i only did it in public. When I saw her in public I got grief for not going in her home, so i did a slow fade.

Meanwhile I sisters visit rarely and when they do she rolls out the red carpet. If they occasionally remember her birthday they are the best daughters ever.

I am so over it. I have an insane amount of stress-major life events and I just don't have any more patience for it. She also acts like a la-ti-da matriarch and even gets the voice. She sits around feeling sorry for herself and has never done even 10 minutes of volunteer work in her life. Everything is me, me,me.

[Anonymous]

I used to call my parents once a week to check in. Now one has passed and the other one has deteriorated mentally to the point she has trouble holding even a basic convo about the weather. I’m glad I did it even though, at time, it irked me that I was the one calling and my sibs did whatever whenever and didn’t get the guilt. Why don’t you cut back to every other week if there really isn’t much new to discuss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Boundaries are important, OP. Your parents are very sad people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP.

+1!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound as petty as your parents.

THIS

+2. Come on OP. Express your anger, take a break for a bit, but don’t seriously stop calling your parents over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. When I called mom all she did was complain that I didn't do x, y z for her so I stopped calling. When I visited in her home all she did was tantrum at me so i only did it in public. When I saw her in public I got grief for not going in her home, so i did a slow fade.

Meanwhile I sisters visit rarely and when they do she rolls out the red carpet. If they occasionally remember her birthday they are the best daughters ever.

I am so over it. I have an insane amount of stress-major life events and I just don't have any more patience for it. She also acts like a la-ti-da matriarch and even gets the voice. She sits around feeling sorry for herself and has never done even 10 minutes of volunteer work in her life. Everything is me, me,me.

NP.

I see you’ve met my mom!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP.
I Facetime my parents every Sunday, and sometimes more if there's a particular reason.

They have never given me grief over my communications. I suspect it might have to do with the fact that years ago, I cut off my mother for 6 months because she reached an abusive and completely uncalled for climax of nagging, insults and swears, against me and my husband. I think she learned a lot over those 6 months, and she's never been as annoying since. So I do my part as well.

I hope your mother can see the light, but even if she doesn't, just know you did the right thing. Contact your siblings for support. At least you have each other. I'm an only kid.

[Anonymous]

I adore my parent and consider them my best friends. That being said a few years ago I had a stressful month. I was seriously overwhelmed on every level, I also had a major health issue and was hospitalized. I ended up not calling my parents for a month. And the strangest thing was that they didn’t even call me ONCE. Parents who I called daily since I left home. I had texted my parents multiple times a day before. Once the dust settled I couldn’t believe they wouldn’t call me and I was really hurt. And then a few more months went by and they still didn’t call. Wtf.

I got over it and started calling them several times a week, but it has stuck with me. If I don’t call, my parents will literally forget I exist. They won’t call EVER. It blows my mind and I’ll never treat my kids like this. My in-laws never call Dh either. But in their case, he doesn’t care and so they just miss out on learning about our kids. Their loss. What is it with people who don’t reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

My parents also refused to call me OP. And gave me a hard time. Never understood it.