Should my sister go on vacation when my dad is dying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister took care of your dad each day during or after work. What did you do before your baby was born?

He began declining around Easter. That was three months after my baby was born.

He was not in this state prior to the birth.

So your baby is ~ 6 mos old?

[Anonymous]

Yes she should be there. She is a ditz.

[Anonymous]

Maybe her father didn’t want her to see him die. You don’t know everything that has been discussed, especially if she’s been there everyday. Focus on what you need to do and stop worrying about your sister. Death takes weeks to work out anyways, you can’t do much besides a funeral until you get the death certificate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this gently, it sounds like she's been there every day and has probably discussed this with your mom and dad. You don't know why they've said or how she is holding up. It isn't fair to judge from a distance.

+1

I’m not judging you OP because it’s really hard to go through this, but you don’t judge her either. Everyone find grace for each other.

[Anonymous]

How about get your ass there to help if you’re so concerned. She’s been giving of her time and energy and it has taken an emotional toll. She needs a minute to recharge her battery. You’re awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How close do you live and are you spending time with your father now?

Yes, I have been going each weekend and I am going with my baby to see him in hospice tomorrow.

So your sister has been going to care for your dad every day after work for 3 months while you yourself are going to “visit” him ~once a week and you are now criticizing her for having the audacity to follow through on taking a long planned vacation for herself? Wow! (And no, having a 6+month old baby isn’t an excuse to just expect her to do all of the hard work while you sit back and judge)

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people want privacy in death too. Your dad may have understood that she needed to not be there, or wanted her to be somewhere peaceful as he left. We all have to make our own choices and peace with passages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people want privacy in death too. Your dad may have understood that she needed to not be there, or wanted her to be somewhere peaceful as he left. We all have to make our own choices and peace with passages.

This.

[Anonymous]

Yes and you should go stay the week with dad and leave baby with husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister took care of your dad each day during or after work. What did you do before your baby was born?

He began declining around Easter. That was three months after my baby was born.

He was not in this state prior to the birth.

Easter was 3 months ago. Your baby is six months, around, and you should be able to take on some of thee burden.

Your sister deserves a break. Not sure I would go on vacation when I know my father is about to pass, but I think you underestimate the stress she's been through.

[Anonymous]

I mean, if he’s been in decline for awhile he may not even die while she is on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and you should go stay the week with dad and leave baby with husband.

If the baby was 3 months at Easter time it should be 7 months now. Why don’t you go and stay close in the final week of your dad’s life. Your sister has been going daily and 7 months isn’t such a hard time to be bring a baby with you if it’s an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. She needs a break and you need to step up rather than complaining she’s not doing enough when she is doing WAY more than you.

[Anonymous]

I assume she’s completely wrung out and can’t bear seeing him die. It can be very tough, OP. My BIL described to me his younger brother’s death (we were a continent away and didn’t make it on time) and it was pretty gruesome. Maybe a nurse scared her. Maybe she can’t take one more minute of it.

But it’s fine: you can shoulder the burden. Make the arrangements. Call her to ask for input.

God speed to your father, OP. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and you should go stay the week with dad and leave baby with husband.

+1, and send your sister a heartfelt letter and gift thanking her for taking on the majority of the responsibilities for the last three months