Should my sister go on vacation when my dad is dying?

[Anonymous]

My dad is expected to pass any day now. My sister lives nearby and has been helping with his care each day during or after work.

Before my dad really started to decline, he and my mom booked a rental property on a beach for a week, with plans to go with my sister and her family.

I just had a baby so I was never planning to go on a vacation this year.

My sister said her last goodbye to my dad today and plans to drive to the rental property tonight to go on vacation without my parents after all.

But shouldn’t she be staying nearby to help support my mom and help arrange the wake/funeral since my dad has only a couple more days to live?

I am doing what I can with an infant but it seems like a strange time to be going on vacation for a week.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but she’s not you. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you can't help with the wake/funeral. Because you just had a baby you don't need to be involved?

[Anonymous]

She has been taking care of him everyday including taking time off work.

[Anonymous]

You need to show some grace- she’s been helping every day for an unspecified amount of time- she could be really burned out and need a break.

[Anonymous]

Your sister took care of your dad each day during or after work. What did you do before your baby was born?

[Anonymous]

How close do you live and are you spending time with your father now?

[Anonymous]

How long has your dad been in decline? It sounds like your sister has been doing the majority of the work in carrying for him- if that’s in fact the case she may be at the end of her rope and it’s really not your place to judge her for needing a break/to bow out.

[Anonymous]

I mean this gently, it sounds like she's been there every day and has probably discussed this with your mom and dad. You don't know why they've said or how she is holding up. It isn't fair to judge from a distance.

[Anonymous]

She’s been there every day maybe she wants to remember him like this. Leave her be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't help with the wake/funeral. Because you just had a baby you don't need to be involved?

I am helping with the funeral but I also need to coordinate with her and my mom.

[Anonymous]

If she has been helping to care for your dad, you can help your mother plan the funeral. Knowing that he was going to pass gives you time to plan things slowly versus having to unexpectedly get things in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How close do you live and are you spending time with your father now?

Yes, I have been going each weekend and I am going with my baby to see him in hospice tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister took care of your dad each day during or after work. What did you do before your baby was born?

He began declining around Easter. That was three months after my baby was born.

He was not in this state prior to the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has been taking care of him everyday including taking time off work.

Yes, OP. Her need for a vacation after her sacrifice to help him is something you should honor, and the fact that you have a baby is immaterial. She may have already said goodbye to him, and you can now step up to help your mom with the next steps. Some people find being there at the moment of death important, and others don’t. It’s much more meaningful for the people who want to be there than for the dying person no matter what stories people tell to the contrary.