Would you pay your friend back for masks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God no. Just grab their tab the next time you get coffee or whatever. Friends help and friends don’t nickel and dime

Definitely this. This is my philosophy and most of my friends feel the same.

If you have a stingy friend, you'll know by how they insist on only paying $8 for their $7.95 soup when everyone else is just splitting the bill evenly. For that kind of friend, it's kind to take note of how you put them out (if you aren't so annoyed by their stingy ways that you want to stop hanging out). But for everything else, just remember to be generous the next time you're together.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't. My friends and I do this sort of thing all the time though. For example, last weekend I was with my friend at her house and we ended up ordering uber eats for dinner. The next day I texted to ask her how much I owed her and she said "nothing, you can pay next time." I knew that was going to be her answer, but I still like to ask just in case. Unless the amount is high ($40ish) we usually just take turns paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends. Are purchasing kn95 masks a financial stretch for this family?
I buy kn95 masks in bulk in kid and adult size and hand them out like candy to my kids’ friends if we need to go inside the library or an ice cream shop. I give them to colleagues if they forget. I do not want or need $1-2 every time I hand out a mask. If you were my friend and I asked you to drop the issue twice, I would find it strange that you keep bringing it up.

You either pay quickly - like as soon as you get home you send $5 without asking “thanks for the masks!” Or you drop it. If you ask and they said no, just drop it.

You are making your kids friends wear masks inside on outings to the library or the ice cream store? In July 2022? Or are you posting this from two years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs! I'm probably overly careful about things like this.

Would you say the same thing if your friend also let you use her hand sanitizer multiple times?

Oh my god, you are seriously in need of help, and I'm not saying that to be cruel - you genuinely do need help to figure out normal friendship boundaries. People SHARE with their friends. People GIVE to their friends. In a normal friendship there's give and take.

Thanks. I understand that. For reasons that have to do with my childhood, I'm very cautious about things like this. I'd never expect my friend to pay me back in this situation if it were the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs! I'm probably overly careful about things like this.

Would you say the same thing if your friend also let you use her hand sanitizer multiple times?

Oh my god, you are seriously in need of help, and I'm not saying that to be cruel - you genuinely do need help to figure out normal friendship boundaries. People SHARE with their friends. People GIVE to their friends. In a normal friendship there's give and take.

Thanks. I understand that. For reasons that have to do with my childhood, I'm very cautious about things like this. I'd never expect my friend to pay me back in this situation if it were the other way around.

It is perfectly okay to ask if you can repay someone who spends money on you. However, in most friendships, the situations you're describing are not a "repay" situation in the same way that her taking your kid to the movies might be a repay situation ($20 vs. $2). If you ask and your friend tells you that they do not wish to be repaid, the polite thing to do is to accept that answer, thank them for the whatever it was, and then in the future, be generous with your belongings and time as well.

[Anonymous]

Sorry--I didn't mention this. I've paid other friends back for things that cost less. Would it seem weird if I didn't pay? We're in a group chat so everyone would know.

I'm definitely overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs! I'm probably overly careful about things like this.

Would you say the same thing if your friend also let you use her hand sanitizer multiple times?

Oh my god, you are seriously in need of help, and I'm not saying that to be cruel - you genuinely do need help to figure out normal friendship boundaries. People SHARE with their friends. People GIVE to their friends. In a normal friendship there's give and take.

Thanks. I understand that. For reasons that have to do with my childhood, I'm very cautious about things like this. I'd never expect my friend to pay me back in this situation if it were the other way around.

It is perfectly okay to ask if you can repay someone who spends money on you. However, in most friendships, the situations you're describing are not a "repay" situation in the same way that her taking your kid to the movies might be a repay situation ($20 vs. $2). If you ask and your friend tells you that they do not wish to be repaid, the polite thing to do is to accept that answer, thank them for the whatever it was, and then in the future, be generous with your belongings and time as well.

Thanks! I was thinking that this could be the best to do, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry--I didn't mention this. I've paid other friends back for things that cost less. Would it seem weird if I didn't pay? We're in a group chat so everyone would know.

I'm definitely overthinking this.

You are overthinking this. It’s good that you’re conscientious but you’re in neurotic territory. Let go and be kind to yourself. Everything is not a monumental interaction that will live on in everyone’s memory forever. Don’t sweat the small stuff girlfriend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry--I didn't mention this. I've paid other friends back for things that cost less. Would it seem weird if I didn't pay? We're in a group chat so everyone would know.

I'm definitely overthinking this.

You are overthinking this. It’s good that you’re conscientious but you’re in neurotic territory. Let go and be kind to yourself. Everything is not a monumental interaction that will live on in everyone’s memory forever. Don’t sweat the small stuff girlfriend!

Thanks for your kind words!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs! I'm probably overly careful about things like this.

Would you say the same thing if your friend also let you use her hand sanitizer multiple times?

Oh my god, you are seriously in need of help, and I'm not saying that to be cruel - you genuinely do need help to figure out normal friendship boundaries. People SHARE with their friends. People GIVE to their friends. In a normal friendship there's give and take.

Thanks. I understand that. For reasons that have to do with my childhood, I'm very cautious about things like this. I'd never expect my friend to pay me back in this situation if it were the other way around.

Listen, I understand completely. I too, grew up with a mother who fancied herself in the Mob (never accept a favor). But you're not a child anymore. And part of growing up is looking at what's going on around you and doing what's right to do NOW. Not what our parents did, or told us to do. If you'd never expect your friend to pay you back in this situation, what is your logic for thinking you should pay HER back in this situation? There is none. You're in the clear on this. You owe nothing but a "thanks!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. Are purchasing kn95 masks a financial stretch for this family?
I buy kn95 masks in bulk in kid and adult size and hand them out like candy to my kids’ friends if we need to go inside the library or an ice cream shop. I give them to colleagues if they forget. I do not want or need $1-2 every time I hand out a mask. If you were my friend and I asked you to drop the issue twice, I would find it strange that you keep bringing it up.

You either pay quickly - like as soon as you get home you send $5 without asking “thanks for the masks!” Or you drop it. If you ask and they said no, just drop it.

You are making your kids friends wear masks inside on outings to the library or the ice cream store? In July 2022? Or are you posting this from two years ago?

In DC you still have to wear masks in the library. I work in one of them and I absolutely hate enforcing this requirement when masks are not required anywhere else. We hand them out to library patrons who don’t have one with them. I have actually never bought a mask at any point during the pandemic. I just use the ones that are at work. If the city is making me wear them, they can provide them to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. Are purchasing kn95 masks a financial stretch for this family?
I buy kn95 masks in bulk in kid and adult size and hand them out like candy to my kids’ friends if we need to go inside the library or an ice cream shop. I give them to colleagues if they forget. I do not want or need $1-2 every time I hand out a mask. If you were my friend and I asked you to drop the issue twice, I would find it strange that you keep bringing it up.

You either pay quickly - like as soon as you get home you send $5 without asking “thanks for the masks!” Or you drop it. If you ask and they said no, just drop it.

You are making your kids friends wear masks inside on outings to the library or the ice cream store? In July 2022? Or are you posting this from two years ago?

Why do you care what other people are doing? And yes, masks are required in the DC Libraries even in 2022, and infectious disease experts have said BA5 is so contagious you can get it in fleeting encounters so mask up when you go indoors, even for a quick errand. Some people actually like to follow what public health experts advise.

[Anonymous]

I would doordash them some donuts to say thanks

[Anonymous]

NOT THAT DIFFICULT - GIVE THEM A THANK YOU NOTE.


If you really feel like "paying them back" then do something nice for them as a thank-you gesture...

Money is impersonal and makes it a business transaction. Do something thoughtful with a thank you note.


I'm struck that this sort of thing is NOT common these days

[Anonymous]

If you would feel the pinch not getting that amount of money back, pay it back. If it is kind of like loose change slopping around in your purse, let it go. If it is somewhere inbetween buy your friend coffee/movie ticket/whatever next time you are out.