Would it be possible for a teen to have no access to any social media until college?

[Anonymous]

'Social' bits like TikTok and Instagram and that can be avoided, but Youtube is sort of a hybrid--ther is a lot of content on their that is actually beneficial and kids use (Khan Academy, SAT prep, history, economics, etc). Yea there is a ton of crap too, but I've met several top kids who say "Youtube is their tutor" for certain subjects and concepts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:'Social' bits like TikTok and Instagram and that can be avoided, but Youtube is sort of a hybrid--ther is a lot of content on their that is actually beneficial and kids use (Khan Academy, SAT prep, history, economics, etc). Yea there is a ton of crap too, but I've met several top kids who say "Youtube is their tutor" for certain subjects and concepts.

How would you stop a teen from watching TikTok on a browser on a computer, or at a friend’s house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not Amish (or any other religion outside the mainstream), not homeschooled. Regular kids in mainstream school.

I think the only way it could work is if the kid took it as a personal challenge and made it their thing. I think for parents to enforce this by controlling the kid would get really toxic (since social media/youtube is so ubiquitous that to control or guilt a kid to a degree that they wouldn't even glance at a friend's phone would not be healthy). Plenty of people function without social media accounts, so if you had buy-in from the kid, I do think that could work. While I think excessive online living isn't healthy, as a historian I also think that trying to live outside of one's culture is a losing battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two families that we are friends with and their kids are not allowed to have cell phones until they are old enough to drive and no social media until 18. They have very large families and let me tell you, these kids are the most sociable happy humble kids. Not a lot of insecurities either. These families keep their word too. A few of their kids are over 16 and 18. It's refreshing, I am not going to lie.

Many Amish families have no cell phones. It can be done. But sadly parents in America want their kids to have phones because they are anxious idiots and think they "need" them.

But the Amish live in large communities without technology. A kid living in today's world surrounded by others with access to technology would lose out socially and academically without technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not Amish (or any other religion outside the mainstream), not homeschooled. Regular kids in mainstream school.

No. I rarely use tech in my classes, but even with that if I’m out I sometimes record notes, post to my own YouTube account then post for my students. They will need to watch then complete an assignment. It’s better than a wasted day with the sub. In high school if they join any sport or club they will use some sort of social media to communicate with the group.

[Anonymous]

Wow. That is stupid. Sheltering your kid from the world makes them fully unprepared for it. This would be a major parenting fail.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Rare near consensus on DCUM. This is my friend’s children. They are mid-upper elementary and she is ADAMANT. Mine are slightly older (MS.) She’s not trying to delay until HS or restrict Instagram/TikTok. She is saying absolutely nothing until they leave for college, no exceptions. Will be interesting to see.

[Anonymous]

OP again - and she clearly thinks every parent not doing what she plans to do is an inferior parent to her. I just changed the subject eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - and she clearly thinks every parent not doing what she plans to do is an inferior parent to her. I just changed the subject eventually.

You are smart to change the subject. She can’t relate right now and doesn’t understand that when they get to high school they will have laptops they need for school that won’t have parental controls and they will need to use YouTube for educational purposes. Don’t argue with her and let her see for herself. You are handling this correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again - and she clearly thinks every parent not doing what she plans to do is an inferior parent to her. I just changed the subject eventually.

You are smart to change the subject. She can’t relate right now and doesn’t understand that when they get to high school they will have laptops they need for school that won’t have parental controls and they will need to use YouTube for educational purposes. Don’t argue with her and let her see for herself. You are handling this correctly.

OP here. She really made me feel like a terrible parent and I started questioning myself even though we do have restrictions and monitor closely and my kids have nice friends and get good grades. Her tone was pretty insulting and I definitely need a little space for a bit. I trust DCUM to tell it like it is so I was glad to get a little support.

[Anonymous]

My 17 year old has always been introverted, and he has no interested in communicating with others on social media. He has no presence anywhere and no accounts. He does get plenty of screentime, at school and for fun at home! He reads other people's comments in response to videos or games he participates in. But he has no handles of his own, and that's a choice, not anything I asked him to do.

My 12 year old belongs to a few gaming platforms where she chats with friends and "internet acquaintances" (warned her about privacy). She is not allowed to divulge anything revealing about herself or post photos of herself, which she's fine with, because the communities she belongs to are all for niche interests - her favorite one is an ecosystem with wolves you can breed and add fantastical elements to. The other one is all about horses.

[Anonymous]

Is she including LinkedIn? What if the child wants an internship or mentoring in HS? Is she extending this to any form of virtual interaction— like online classes, MS teams, Dropbox etc? Does she realize that adults need to interact with other adults online and in person in today’s world?

[Anonymous]

Yes absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she including LinkedIn? What if the child wants an internship or mentoring in HS? Is she extending this to any form of virtual interaction— like online classes, MS teams, Dropbox etc? Does she realize that adults need to interact with other adults online and in person in today’s world?

OP here. She didn’t really seem to welcome follow up questions to her very firm stance. It was clear she did not want to be challenged on her views. She also seems to think by sending her kids to private school (large mainstream parochial Catholic) this will somehow insulate them. Like Catholic school teens don’t go on TikTok or something. Arguing would have been pointless and caused a riff.

[Anonymous]

no, it would not be possible. half of my kid's school assignments involve watching videos on you tube. so even if you dont want it, they HAVE TO have access.
no, you should not. it will isolate your kid - they will be excluded socially. for a while we held the line, but it only resulted in my child not being included in the social plans. this started in middle school when kids take agency in setting up their own sleepovers, etc. if you kid isnt in the conversation, they aren't in the plans.