What's wrong with DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks everyone for the feedback.

For those in adulthood that have ADHD - Did you get tested? What's the typical treatment? Did it resolve your issues at your age? DH is 51.

For the PP that recommended a Neuropsych eval for DS. Where would I get that done? Appreciate specific doctors/clinic recommendations.

I haven’t been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but everything feel into place when my DD was diagnosed. Unfortunately, for me (and maybe your husband) my ADHD has gotten worse as I have gotten older. But I’m not medicated. I know it’s hard for my husband. You can get neuropsychological evaluations at lots of places. Start by asking your pediatrician for recommendations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m your husband and often wonder if I have adhd and or executive functioning issues.

You are my husband…he doesn’t get how I can function.

The reality is we function well, just on different timelines. I tend to have clarity on exactly what I need to do when I am under pressure. Problem solving is my favorite part of work. I get that it’s hard to work with but it doesn’t mean that we are less capable or lazy. It’s constant work to tone down our natural inclinations.

Do you know his Myers Briggs? I’m an ESTP and I’m wondering if he is too.

Those timelines on which you’re functioning well are hugely inconsiderate to everyone else. At the point where you’re holding up work and family priorities you are not functioning “well”. I just had to drop someone from a project even though her work was excellent— she routinely sent things to people at 2am. Those people and their work matter too, not just hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does sound like ADHD. If you have kids with ADHD, it’s vital that you learn all you can about disorder. One good place to start is a really fun routine Chanel called “How To ADHD.”

For what it’s worth, I don’t think this is the crisis you think it is. Your kids are young and they have lots of time to learn and grow.

PS, the doctor might say an evaluation is unnecessary because it isn’t impacting his earning potential, but if it’s impacting your relationship, I think it would be worth looking into! I have ADHD and DH and I went to therapy to learn how to work together in spite of the disorder and it was very helpful for us both.

“Routine Chanel” ha. I meant “YouTube channel.”

Is like some bespoke or routine Chanel in my closet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks everyone for the feedback.

For those in adulthood that have ADHD - Did you get tested? What's the typical treatment? Did it resolve your issues at your age? DH is 51.

For the PP that recommended a Neuropsych eval for DS. Where would I get that done? Appreciate specific doctors/clinic recommendations.

I haven’t been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but everything feel into place when my DD was diagnosed. Unfortunately, for me (and maybe your husband) my ADHD has gotten worse as I have gotten older. But I’m not medicated. I know it’s hard for my husband. You can get neuropsychological evaluations at lots of places. Start by asking your pediatrician for recommendations.

Regular doctor can do a survey from your spouse, self, maybe a coworker or parent and if looks like ADHD, can prescribe meds.

You’d know in a week if you could focus more or longer, or follow conversations, sit still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m your husband and often wonder if I have adhd and or executive functioning issues.

You are my husband…he doesn’t get how I can function.

The reality is we function well, just on different timelines. I tend to have clarity on exactly what I need to do when I am under pressure. Problem solving is my favorite part of work. I get that it’s hard to work with but it doesn’t mean that we are less capable or lazy. It’s constant work to tone down our natural inclinations.

Do you know his Myers Briggs? I’m an ESTP and I’m wondering if he is too.

Those timelines on which you’re functioning well are hugely inconsiderate to everyone else. At the point where you’re holding up work and family priorities you are not functioning “well”. I just had to drop someone from a project even though her work was excellent— she routinely sent things to people at 2am. Those people and their work matter too, not just hers.

Priorities and empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m your husband and often wonder if I have adhd and or executive functioning issues.

You are my husband…he doesn’t get how I can function.

The reality is we function well, just on different timelines. I tend to have clarity on exactly what I need to do when I am under pressure. Problem solving is my favorite part of work. I get that it’s hard to work with but it doesn’t mean that we are less capable or lazy. It’s constant work to tone down our natural inclinations.

Do you know his Myers Briggs? I’m an ESTP and I’m wondering if he is too.

Those timelines on which you’re functioning well are hugely inconsiderate to everyone else. At the point where you’re holding up work and family priorities you are not functioning “well”. I just had to drop someone from a project even though her work was excellent— she routinely sent things to people at 2am. Those people and their work matter too, not just hers.

You don’t know whether or not that’s the case with PP. Maybe her timelines don’t impact others at all.

As somebody with ADHD it is so frustrating the way people project their experiences with those with ADHD, in combination with the frustrations they have heard secondhand about people with ADHD, onto the rest of us. This is why people who have ADHD need to be cautious about who they tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks everyone for the feedback.

For those in adulthood that have ADHD - Did you get tested? What's the typical treatment? Did it resolve your issues at your age? DH is 51.

For the PP that recommended a Neuropsych eval for DS. Where would I get that done? Appreciate specific doctors/clinic recommendations.

I was diagnosed at age 31. I didn’t have issues until I became a SAHM. I was already being treated for anxiety by my psychiatrist and I got the diagnosis from her. I did a lot of my own Google research and had “diagnosed” myself a few years earlier.

The typical treatment is meds and ADHD-specific life hacks. They make it better but no I will never be as productive and organized as somebody who doesn’t have ADHD. I’ve had to come to the terms with the fact that as long as there is more than one thing in my life I need to focus on, I will never do things as well as my peers. It’s hard, but I have a great therapist/executive function coach who has helped me. I’m grateful that DH has really come around and stopped judging me and how I do things based on what he thinks I should be doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m your husband and often wonder if I have adhd and or executive functioning issues.

You are my husband…he doesn’t get how I can function.

The reality is we function well, just on different timelines. I tend to have clarity on exactly what I need to do when I am under pressure. Problem solving is my favorite part of work. I get that it’s hard to work with but it doesn’t mean that we are less capable or lazy. It’s constant work to tone down our natural inclinations.

Do you know his Myers Briggs? I’m an ESTP and I’m wondering if he is too.

Those timelines on which you’re functioning well are hugely inconsiderate to everyone else. At the point where you’re holding up work and family priorities you are not functioning “well”. I just had to drop someone from a project even though her work was excellent— she routinely sent things to people at 2am. Those people and their work matter too, not just hers.

You don’t know whether or not that’s the case with PP. Maybe her timelines don’t impact others at all.

As somebody with ADHD it is so frustrating the way people project their experiences with those with ADHD, in combination with the frustrations they have heard secondhand about people with ADHD, onto the rest of us. This is why people who have ADHD need to be cautious about who they tell.

Wouldn’t it be equally true that people with ADHD need to make sure their symptoms are managed so they do not harm others? I assure you the problem isn’t “people with ADHD” it’s “people who leave major projects to the last minute” like the OPs husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m your husband and often wonder if I have adhd and or executive functioning issues.

You are my husband…he doesn’t get how I can function.

The reality is we function well, just on different timelines. I tend to have clarity on exactly what I need to do when I am under pressure. Problem solving is my favorite part of work. I get that it’s hard to work with but it doesn’t mean that we are less capable or lazy. It’s constant work to tone down our natural inclinations.

Do you know his Myers Briggs? I’m an ESTP and I’m wondering if he is too.

Those timelines on which you’re functioning well are hugely inconsiderate to everyone else. At the point where you’re holding up work and family priorities you are not functioning “well”. I just had to drop someone from a project even though her work was excellent— she routinely sent things to people at 2am. Those people and their work matter too, not just hers.

They aren’t inherently inconsiderate. But, with better understanding and better communication partners can find ways manage when timelines conflict.

I’ll say that managing the frustration around the fact my ideal timeline is so contrary to mainstream is the hardest part. I’m recently diagnosed at 42 and drugs help slow down my racing mind, but it still feels like I’m on a different wavelength than most people most of the time.


You don’t know whether or not that’s the case with PP. Maybe her timelines don’t impact others at all.

As somebody with ADHD it is so frustrating the way people project their experiences with those with ADHD, in combination with the frustrations they have heard secondhand about people with ADHD, onto the rest of us. This is why people who have ADHD need to be cautious about who they tell.