Questions to ask a divorce attorney

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Then what do they do? Suddenly have real conversations with the kids, read the school emails, teach and coach them? Or just Disney dad it and throw money.

Where they are helpless before...they suddenly start doing everything they were incapable of before. This has happened to me and 3 other friends. Literally did not one thing before...suddenly they are capable. They choose not to be capable in marriage. They want 50/50 so they pay less or nothing...and suddenly they figure stuff out.

Mine just leaves son alone at home. Thanksfully he's 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

The OP doesn't make six figures. Stop making this about you. She makes minimum wage. It won't pay for her to work. She has a young child with daycare expenses. Working a FT minimum wage job isn't going to do anything for their standard of living if it only pays for daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

You had earning potential. OP doesn't have that. This is one of the reasons alimony was created. Did OP say she ever had a high-paying career she could jump back into? She said they have a vast difference in education. Most likely, she has an HS degree, and her DH has a PhD. She can't just get a job like her husband because she wants one.

[Anonymous]

Many people ignore that she can't make more than minimum wage, and they have children who need childcare so she can work. The childcare workers may even make more than her, for all we know. If this is the case, what she's doing now makes more sense until the child goes to kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go in with the date you got married, your age, DH's age, kids DOB, and how many hrs a week you earn at what salary, and having all your debts and assets written out.

Debt:
$6k on 2016 Honda
$12k for H's student loans from Emory
$2600 on Visa cc

Assets:
$80k in retirement account through Vanguard (acct #______________)
$18k in savings acct at Wells Fargo (acct #____________)
Wedding and engagement ring appraised at $3200

Bring any police reports. Bring name of therapist and range of dates you went. "Marriage counselor Sherry Cuckles - October 2021 through March 2022".

Bring a list of household expenses. Rent, utilities, groceries and toiletries, clothing, haircuts, daycare, school, health insurance, rent insurance, car payments, cc payments, soccer fees, camp, travel to see family in England 1x a yr, gifts for family, misc. This is very important because it tells the attorney what they'd need to ask for on your behalf for spousal support.

This will give the divorce attorney a VERY clear picture of your marriage. Ask if they've dealt with cases like yours (if the answer isn't yes I'd be shocked). Ask if they can get the judge to order DH to do anger management and parenting classes before he has unsupervised visitation with the kids. Ask about spousal support (as it seems you can't support yourself on your part time job).

No judge is going to order that and asking for it will probably trigger a nasty and expensive fight. Maybe OP needs parenting classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

The OP doesn't make six figures. Stop making this about you. She makes minimum wage. It won't pay for her to work. She has a young child with daycare expenses. Working a FT minimum wage job isn't going to do anything for their standard of living if it only pays for daycare.

You are failing to understand that her husband will not be able to support two households. She will not be able to live off spousal support permanently. She will need another job. Or don't divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

You had earning potential. OP doesn't have that. This is one of the reasons alimony was created. Did OP say she ever had a high-paying career she could jump back into? She said they have a vast difference in education. Most likely, she has an HS degree, and her DH has a PhD. She can't just get a job like her husband because she wants one.

You clearly do not get it. Her husband will not be able to afford two households on one salary...unless they drastically reduce how they live...it is all math. This is why people stay married. A vast difference in education is irrelevant. I could have gotten $3000 in alimony when I was not working and my ex made $190k. I could not live off $3,000 a month. I had to go back to work to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

The OP doesn't make six figures. Stop making this about you. She makes minimum wage. It won't pay for her to work. She has a young child with daycare expenses. Working a FT minimum wage job isn't going to do anything for their standard of living if it only pays for daycare.

That isn’t how a judge will see this, especially if she has a degree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go in with the date you got married, your age, DH's age, kids DOB, and how many hrs a week you earn at what salary, and having all your debts and assets written out.

Debt:
$6k on 2016 Honda
$12k for H's student loans from Emory
$2600 on Visa cc

Assets:
$80k in retirement account through Vanguard (acct #______________)
$18k in savings acct at Wells Fargo (acct #____________)
Wedding and engagement ring appraised at $3200

Bring any police reports. Bring name of therapist and range of dates you went. "Marriage counselor Sherry Cuckles - October 2021 through March 2022".

Bring a list of household expenses. Rent, utilities, groceries and toiletries, clothing, haircuts, daycare, school, health insurance, rent insurance, car payments, cc payments, soccer fees, camp, travel to see family in England 1x a yr, gifts for family, misc. This is very important because it tells the attorney what they'd need to ask for on your behalf for spousal support.

This will give the divorce attorney a VERY clear picture of your marriage. Ask if they've dealt with cases like yours (if the answer isn't yes I'd be shocked). Ask if they can get the judge to order DH to do anger management and parenting classes before he has unsupervised visitation with the kids. Ask about spousal support (as it seems you can't support yourself on your part time job).

No judge is going to order that and asking for it will probably trigger a nasty and expensive fight. Maybe OP needs parenting classes.

You are a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

You had earning potential. OP doesn't have that. This is one of the reasons alimony was created. Did OP say she ever had a high-paying career she could jump back into? She said they have a vast difference in education. Most likely, she has an HS degree, and her DH has a PhD. She can't just get a job like her husband because she wants one.

You clearly do not get it. Her husband will not be able to afford two households on one salary...unless they drastically reduce how they live...it is all math. This is why people stay married. A vast difference in education is irrelevant. I could have gotten $3000 in alimony when I was not working and my ex made $190k. I could not live off $3,000 a month. I had to go back to work to divorce.

OP here. I could live off 3k a month. Our rent is $1600 for a 2 bedroom apartment. I am not opposed to working full-time, but I don't make enough money for it to be worth it. I need to make more than childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

The OP doesn't make six figures. Stop making this about you. She makes minimum wage. It won't pay for her to work. She has a young child with daycare expenses. Working a FT minimum wage job isn't going to do anything for their standard of living if it only pays for daycare.

That isn’t how a judge will see this, especially if she has a degree

OP here. To clarify, I do not have a college degree. I was in a government vocational program in the state we lived in previously, but I had to transfer out because we moved due to DH's job. So now I am on a waiting list in our new state. To enter the program, I had to do a full psychological evaluation, and they concluded that I would need help to achieve my career goals. I have documents saying I have a low IQ, short-term memory loss, and learning disabilities, making it hard to pass all of the college requirements. I am being brutally honest. I need to develop an alternative plan because a bachelor's degree may not be right for me. I am currently in college taking core classes.

[Anonymous]

Can you invest in anger management classes? It honestly sounds like the better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prepare to go back to work. If you get spousal support, it will likely be temporary and you will both have a lower standard of living if you do not go back to work.

The norm is 50/50 custody and 50/50 of assets split during the marriage as well as debt.

Many men do nothing with kids until a divorce. Prepare for that.

You don't have a lot of assets. That means you do not have money to have a costly legal battle fighting for little money you have. Be practical about the financial aspect. There are formulas for child support. Ask the attorney what is reasonable to expect financially in your situation. That is the most important thing to ask.

Did you read her OP. She works a schedule where she doesn't need to pay for childcare. I doubt it makes sense to do FT daycare since her children are so young. Summer is here now, so the second child would need to be in daycare as well. It sounds like she's doing the best she can by working on the weekends. I wouldn't give that up. She has them during the week, and dad has them on weekends seems to be the best arrangement.

That is an arrangement she is not likely to get.

I went back to work after two years out so I could divorce. The spousal support was not enough to live on. I was married for 10 years. I had to go back to work or our quality of life would have declined precipitously. The norm is 50/50. It is very hard to get a different arrangement if the dad wants 50/50. She needs to do math before deciding to divorce. And she needs to plan to go back to work to earn money. Even if she gets spousal support it is likely not enough to live on and it is only a few years. I made six figures...I was out of the work force only two years; I had to take a 15% paycut to get back in. Fortunately, a few years later, I have more than my former salary. There is no way when I wanted to divorce when I was no working when my kids were 3 and 7 that we could have divorced and I could have lived off a few years of spousal support. It is not 20 years ago. It is not what you think.

You had earning potential. OP doesn't have that. This is one of the reasons alimony was created. Did OP say she ever had a high-paying career she could jump back into? She said they have a vast difference in education. Most likely, she has an HS degree, and her DH has a PhD. She can't just get a job like her husband because she wants one.

You clearly do not get it. Her husband will not be able to afford two households on one salary...unless they drastically reduce how they live...it is all math. This is why people stay married. A vast difference in education is irrelevant. I could have gotten $3000 in alimony when I was not working and my ex made $190k. I could not live off $3,000 a month. I had to go back to work to divorce.

OP here. I could live off 3k a month. Our rent is $1600 for a 2 bedroom apartment. I am not opposed to working full-time, but I don't make enough money for it to be worth it. I need to make more than childcare.

You would not have that much forever—if you can even get that. You need to ask an attorney what is reasonable to expect and for how many years based on your numbers.

[Anonymous]

How much does your DH make? If you only have $80K in assets I'm going to assume he makes less than $100K. Remember that alimony is no longer tax deductible for the payor or taxable income for the recipient so if my guess is right the amount of alimony probably won't be very high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much does your DH make? If you only have $80K in assets I'm going to assume he makes less than $100K. Remember that alimony is no longer tax deductible for the payor or taxable income for the recipient so if my guess is right the amount of alimony probably won't be very high.

140k and 160k with his bonus. This is net pay.