My DC committed but is not happy - anyone else?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, my DD is feeling this way too. She toured and really liked the schools she applied to last fall and was accepted to her top choice ED. But somewhere in there she changed her mind about all of them and wishes she had applied RD to a very different set of colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he should look at The Common Data Set and see all the other enrolled students who have similar stats as him.

Beat me to it. I find it more than a little amusing that the OP and OP's son feel that he's somehow more qualified than the other hardworking students who were also admitted. So typical.

Why do people like you have to come on here and be such dicks? OP's kid is upset. He prob worked his butt off and feels the reward was not worth the work. His feelings are valid, whatever you think. He and OP are allowed to mourn a little before hopefully getting back to business.

[Anonymous]

This was us last year. The good news, DD is beyond happy with her choice. Made good friends, loves her school and is thrilled she ended up there (even though she was not so happy last year).

If that ends up not to be the case for your child, they can always transfer (I know of several in that process now)

[Anonymous]

In the same boat here. Ultimately I think DC will be happy with their choice, but I can see that it stings just a little bit when they hear about other kids getting into top 20 schools - and my kid, who has spectacular grades and test scores (I know, it's DCUM so everyone says that) didn't even apply because we can't afford most private schools without merit aid. But they are pragmatic enough to understand that their hard work DID pay off - the scholarships at T50+ schools mean they will graduate debt free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC committed and we’ve been trying to show our excitement for him, but he is unhappy and says he should have applied to different schools and didn’t like any of his choices in the end. He is a great student, strong test scores etc, and worked so hard and was so engaged in school. He seems deflated now. Basically he did all this work and for what. This part is immature, but he also has a few classmates going to the same school as him and he says they are lesser students (purely from an academic standpoint) so that likewise makes him feel like he should have aimed higher because he’s now ended up in the same place as them. On one hand, I understand — if money were no object he could’ve gone full pay to a more prestigious school (whatever that even means) but we were upfront with him that without merit we could not pay $75k/year and we’re opposed to significant loan obligations. Ultimately that led him to a top 50-60ish school (honors college) and we’ll get him out with no debt. I do believe he’ll be happy, but am just bummed that he is bummed.

Anyway, just feeling a bit sad that he is sad. Any other parents experiencing this with their kids? I’m also wondering if any parents of kids who are finishing their freshman year felt like this a year ago and can provide some perspective? Thanks.

What different schools, would there really have been the money to go there and would it really change his job outcome? When he gets to his first job after college, unless he works for a small business started by alumni of his university, chances are that there will be people that went to all different colleges. I noticed in my first job out of college that the local offices recruited heavily from nearby schools including state flagships so if it’s the NJ office, there might have employees that graduated from Rutgers as well as from NYU and the Colorado location will have University of Colorado-Boulder grads. So while I enjoyed going to a top school and I think it prepared me well for my career, it didn’t really make a big difference once I got in the door.

As for money, my child had similar monetary constraints and had to focus on schools that offered merit. Early decision could not be part of the application strategy and state schools that were not public ivies (hoping for honor programs to make it feel smaller) had to be part of it. I was also upfront in saying they always had the option to consider ROTC to help pay for college, apply to outside scholarships, and/or work toward getting into a more prestigious grad school program someday.

My college BF's brother really wanted to go to an Ivy and had the GPA/test scores to do so, but not the money. So...he went the ROTC route. Served his time, left the service, went to grad school. That was the only way he could do so.

OP, sounds very hard right now. You did your best in letting your DS know about what he needed to consider in applying. Ideally he will get more excited as he learns about the school, his classmates, etc. And if he does happen to be one of the brighter students in his class, then so much the better when applying for grad/professional programs with his top shelf GPA.

GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remind him that he’ll do much better at his school than the classmates will that he’s referring to. He can be an entirely different academic peer group there, even if they’re at the same giant school.

Gross. Maybe those classmates will actually end up on the president's list every semester.

[Anonymous]

My son is very muted about his choices, too, OP. I think he’s not sure he applied to the right schools and he was waitlisted at a bunch of schools while many of his friends have many choices they are excited about. I feel bad for him and hope he is more excited in May after he has made a final decision. The process was pretty brutal.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I know your kid is feeling disappointed, but it’s better to learn the lesson that life isn’t fair now vs. later. There will ALWAYS be someone seemingly less deserving who gets the better job, promotion, nicer house, etc. Don’t let the feelings of jealousy and bitterness tarnish your own accomplishments. Comparison is the thief of joy.

I hope your kid will find his tribe and thrive no matter where he goes. The school name doesn’t matter as much as what you do while there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remind him that he’ll do much better at his school than the classmates will that he’s referring to. He can be an entirely different academic peer group there, even if they’re at the same giant school.

wow that’s presumptuous.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should just let him feel sad and disappointed for a while, as those are both normal human emotions, and accept that he won’t be able to realistically gauge the situation until he’s there, at which point his outlook will quite likely change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he should look at The Common Data Set and see all the other enrolled students who have similar stats as him.

Beat me to it. I find it more than a little amusing that the OP and OP's son feel that he's somehow more qualified than the other hardworking students who were also admitted. So typical.

Why do people like you have to come on here and be such dicks? OP's kid is upset. He prob worked his butt off and feels the reward was not worth the work. His feelings are valid, whatever you think. He and OP are allowed to mourn a little before hopefully getting back to business.

I"m a different poster, but OP does need to hear what PP said (and let's just mention the other jerk who said OP's kid will do better than the lesser students...why does anybody think they know anything about other kids' grades, abilities, LDs, etc.). OP and her kid are quite clearly thinking that the kid is above the school and other kids going there. It's not a great way to go through life. As I said, they cannot possibly know anything about how or why other gets got to the same school. If OP's kid is so much better than them, then the kid would be going to a better school. A little humility goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he should look at The Common Data Set and see all the other enrolled students who have similar stats as him.

Beat me to it. I find it more than a little amusing that the OP and OP's son feel that he's somehow more qualified than the other hardworking students who were also admitted. So typical.

Why do people like you have to come on here and be such dicks? OP's kid is upset. He prob worked his butt off and feels the reward was not worth the work. His feelings are valid, whatever you think. He and OP are allowed to mourn a little before hopefully getting back to business.

I"m a different poster, but OP does need to hear what PP said (and let's just mention the other jerk who said OP's kid will do better than the lesser students...why does anybody think they know anything about other kids' grades, abilities, LDs, etc.). OP and her kid are quite clearly thinking that the kid is above the school and other kids going there. It's not a great way to go through life. As I said, they cannot possibly know anything about how or why other gets got to the same school. If OP's kid is so much better than them, then the kid would be going to a better school. A little humility goes a long way.

DP here. It's not a "great way to go through life" but it's a normal human emotion to be feeling, especially as an 18 year old. I'm sure the OP is not encouraging this thinking but is just being honest in this anonymous setting.
And your comment (the bolded) is just a jerk thing to say. Plenty of great kids got shut out from top options this year and OP's kid was also limited by finances. I love how you're preaching to the OP about one thing while being a greater jerk yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he should look at The Common Data Set and see all the other enrolled students who have similar stats as him.

Beat me to it. I find it more than a little amusing that the OP and OP's son feel that he's somehow more qualified than the other hardworking students who were also admitted. So typical.

Why do people like you have to come on here and be such dicks? OP's kid is upset. He prob worked his butt off and feels the reward was not worth the work. His feelings are valid, whatever you think. He and OP are allowed to mourn a little before hopefully getting back to business.

I"m a different poster, but OP does need to hear what PP said (and let's just mention the other jerk who said OP's kid will do better than the lesser students...why does anybody think they know anything about other kids' grades, abilities, LDs, etc.). OP and her kid are quite clearly thinking that the kid is above the school and other kids going there. It's not a great way to go through life. As I said, they cannot possibly know anything about how or why other gets got to the same school. If OP's kid is so much better than them, then the kid would be going to a better school. A little humility goes a long way.

+1
DP here. It's not a "great way to go through life" but it's a normal human emotion to be feeling, especially as an 18 year old. I'm sure the OP is not encouraging this thinking but is just being honest in this anonymous setting.
And your comment (the bolded) is just a jerk thing to say. Plenty of great kids got shut out from top options this year and OP's kid was also limited by finances. I love how you're preaching to the OP about one thing while being a greater jerk yourself.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there’s anything OP can do now but be supportive, express enthusiasm (not sympathy) about the school her kid will attend, and get the kid thinking ahead to his summer job and fall plans.

You can’t raise a kid to aim for a top 20 school and send him to a public or private school full of other kids mostly grasping for a brass ring and not expect him to feel disappointment that he’s not won the lottery. At some level OP’s kid feels like he let OP down, and he’s going to have to work out his feelings on his own schedule.

[Anonymous]

DC crying ever other night. On the other nights, planning what to bring. There are A LOT of emotions right now. End of high school, prom, exams...

Once high school is over, that book will be closed. Onto the next adventure, College.