Turning 60 and frightened of illness and death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't have the best marriage, but my 60-year old husband is a stoic optimist, and I do try to emulate his attitude vis-a-vis waiting for potentially distressing news, health-related or not. He waits, and usually expects a good outcome, and even if he thinks it will be bad news, somehow it doesn't distress him too much. For someone like me with health-related anxiety, it's a great example. He's a doctor, and manages the care of his 85 year old mother in an advanced stage of Parkinson's, where there are no good options anymore. Perhaps knowing the range of possibilities as a trained medical professional gives him a healthier perspective.

Stay strong, OP. I don't have great methods to recommend, but what works best for me is self-talk: trying to reason myself out of panic. Also, magnesium/B6/B12 supplements.

OP. Thank you. I know grass is greener and all, but a physician for a husband would be my dream scenario. My husband is also an optimist, but clueless and disinterested in all things medical- so it is cold comfort. Evenings are the worst. I try and listen to Michael Sealey’s guided meditation/Hypnosis on YouTube.

PP you replied to. Ah, well, you wouldn't appreciate being married to my husband, then. He won't be interested in anything that's not a complex disease or life-threatening emergency. Anything that's mental, he will dismiss, believing willpower and self-control can take care of it. He's *very* old-school. I am the go-to person for treating all the routines illnesses, aches and pains in the house. I developed my anti-anxiety methods myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, try some CBD tincture. It gently takes the edge off and helps me sleep. I use several drops under tongue for a minute nightly.

What strength? Because it's not woring for me. Maybe I need stronger.

Is CBD tincture same as CBD oil? I'm using CBD oil.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you are 80 and then you will really be worried.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's natural to get freaked out when you contemplate your existence. Keep in mind that worrying and being anxious will solve nothing. How about you focus on what your can do right now to enjoy your life? Go out and LIVE. That is the best antidote for fear of aging, illness, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's natural to get freaked out when you contemplate your existence. Keep in mind that worrying and being anxious will solve nothing. How about you focus on what your can do right now to enjoy your life? Go out and LIVE. That is the best antidote for fear of aging, illness, etc.

How true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP.

Ditto. In the past five years: Father has massive stroke, Mother falls apart and runs finances into the ground, dog gets hemolytic anemia, then cancer, brother runs off with a transgender woman and ends up on meth, my tooth snaps requiring 5K in dental work all last fall/winter and end up allergic to antibiotic, Covid hell, aunt gets pancreatic cancer, mother has heart attack and stroke. This is the minimum. There’s been a few other things as well. The ONLY thing that actually happened to ME was the tooth and that was manageable. EVERYTHING else happened around me and the demands on me were tremendous. No has now become my favorite word, but the stress has taken its toll in personal health anxiety.

I think I remember your posts. Didn't you travel thousands of miles and put your business on hold to be with your mom and aunt, and you had real problems getting your aunt to go to a hospital or a care home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's natural to get freaked out when you contemplate your existence. Keep in mind that worrying and being anxious will solve nothing. How about you focus on what your can do right now to enjoy your life? Go out and LIVE. That is the best antidote for fear of aging, illness, etc.

I like this idea and I think you're right but I feel so down - and there is nowhere to go (I'm not in the US).
I see friends occasionally but afterwards it's back to being alone and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's natural to get freaked out when you contemplate your existence. Keep in mind that worrying and being anxious will solve nothing. How about you focus on what your can do right now to enjoy your life? Go out and LIVE. That is the best antidote for fear of aging, illness, etc.

I like this idea and I think you're right but I feel so down - and there is nowhere to go (I'm not in the US).
I see friends occasionally but afterwards it's back to being alone and sad.

The above is not OP. Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am considering joining a church, if I can find an ultra-liberal one - think a sense of community and acts of service might be helpful.

[Anonymous]

I’m not only fearful of dying but how I’ll die. I’m petrified I’ll be murdered or die in an awful car accident. The thought of death has recently freaked me out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not only fearful of dying but how I’ll die. I’m petrified I’ll be murdered or die in an awful car accident. The thought of death has recently freaked me out.

I think old age dying seems worse than those. All the different illnesses (I don't want to type the names of, it's sad).

I'm suddenly scared of life. I KNOW I need to focus only on the present but my brain won't stop ruminating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not only fearful of dying but how I’ll die. I’m petrified I’ll be murdered or die in an awful car accident. The thought of death has recently freaked me out.

I think old age dying seems worse than those. All the different illnesses (I don't want to type the names of, it's sad).

I'm suddenly scared of life. I KNOW I need to focus only on the present but my brain won't stop ruminating.

How is everyone?

[Anonymous]

Is anyone there?

[Anonymous]

I encourage you to go to church. Just try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I encourage you to go to church. Just try it.

Didn't help my parents or in-laws nor my friend's mother (who worked/volunteered in the church for decades!) when they became elderly and sick.

Not one person from the church noticed - since at that stage it had been a slow fade over the years from attending church as age and sickness took it's toll.

No support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not only fearful of dying but how I’ll die. I’m petrified I’ll be murdered or die in an awful car accident. The thought of death has recently freaked me out.

I think old age dying seems worse than those. All the different illnesses (I don't want to type the names of, it's sad).

I'm suddenly scared of life. I KNOW I need to focus only on the present but my brain won't stop ruminating.

The ruminating is the worst. Put air pods in and listen to anything, it interferes with the negative thought spiral.