Turning 60 and frightened of illness and death

[Anonymous]

This may sound childish, but I have always clung/been comforted by the idea (maybe from sappy movies) that as we age we become more accepting or resigned to the inevitable decline. My mother is 80 and waits for test results and responds to illness just like I do- not well, with ruminating worry that sometimes borders on hysteria.
It’s like I expected that she would be suffused with some sort of golden glow Zen tranquility. I see now that is unlikely for her or me without becoming addicted to Xanax. I will try and be braver and more stoic for my daughter. Anyone else starting to realize that their lifelong mild health anxiety really amps up as they reach the age where illnesses are now a reality?

[Anonymous]

I think shifting Your perspective would be useful. You’ve made it to 60 which is amazing compared to previous generations. None of us escape death. None. Death is a natural part of life. The world will go on without you, without me. The best you can do is spend the time you have well. And fretting in a neurotic heap it’s never gonna be a good way to spend your time as you’ve hopefully observed with your mother. If your biggest concern is your daughter which for all of us who are parents, that’s super normal. You need to spend time and energy and preparing a world for her without you. That means making sure you have a will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think shifting Your perspective would be useful. You’ve made it to 60 which is amazing compared to previous generations. None of us escape death. None. Death is a natural part of life. The world will go on without you, without me. [i]The best you can do is spend the time you have well. And fretting in a neurotic heap it’s never gonna be a good way to spend your time as you’ve hopefully observed with your mother. [b]If your biggest concern is your daughter which for all of us who are parents, that’s super normal. You need to spend time and energy and preparing a world for her without you. That means making sure you have a will.

Thank you, this is solid advice. More gratitude and less hand wringing.

[Anonymous]

As I get older, there is this sort of bizarre thought that eventually I will be gone. I never gave it any thought at all until my mother died.

[Anonymous]

I think your concerns are normal for anyone who is not living in denial.

Old age is hard. Anyone reading this who is not old yet, be kind and respectful to older people.

I am not sure which is harder: the physical or emotional changes that it brings.

[Anonymous]

Yeah...I see this sometimes too in really elderly people and in their loved ones....and it worries me. It's one thing to be concerned about suffering on your way to the end, but it's quite another to reach your 8th decade of life without a firm grasp that most of your earthly life is behind you. This is why some religions really focus on momenta mori and all that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Read some Schopenhauer.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP.

Ditto. In the past five years: Father has massive stroke, Mother falls apart and runs finances into the ground, dog gets hemolytic anemia, then cancer, brother runs off with a transgender woman and ends up on meth, my tooth snaps requiring 5K in dental work all last fall/winter and end up allergic to antibiotic, Covid hell, aunt gets pancreatic cancer, mother has heart attack and stroke. This is the minimum. There’s been a few other things as well. The ONLY thing that actually happened to ME was the tooth and that was manageable. EVERYTHING else happened around me and the demands on me were tremendous. No has now become my favorite word, but the stress has taken its toll in personal health anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I don't have the best marriage, but my 60-year old husband is a stoic optimist, and I do try to emulate his attitude vis-a-vis waiting for potentially distressing news, health-related or not. He waits, and usually expects a good outcome, and even if he thinks it will be bad news, somehow it doesn't distress him too much. For someone like me with health-related anxiety, it's a great example. He's a doctor, and manages the care of his 85 year old mother in an advanced stage of Parkinson's, where there are no good options anymore. Perhaps knowing the range of possibilities as a trained medical professional gives him a healthier perspective.

Stay strong, OP. I don't have great methods to recommend, but what works best for me is self-talk: trying to reason myself out of panic. Also, magnesium/B6/B12 supplements.

[Anonymous]

I am 70 and diabetic. I have had 2 strains of COVID and have made it through okay. I am now keeping myself as healthy as possible. I take my prescribed meds on time and watch my diet, exercise and eat healthy. I make a green juice every morning and take vitamins and minerals. I also make and keep regular doctor's appointments, to keep on top of my health. I feel more confident now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't have the best marriage, but my 60-year old husband is a stoic optimist, and I do try to emulate his attitude vis-a-vis waiting for potentially distressing news, health-related or not. He waits, and usually expects a good outcome, and even if he thinks it will be bad news, somehow it doesn't distress him too much. For someone like me with health-related anxiety, it's a great example. He's a doctor, and manages the care of his 85 year old mother in an advanced stage of Parkinson's, where there are no good options anymore. Perhaps knowing the range of possibilities as a trained medical professional gives him a healthier perspective.

Stay strong, OP. I don't have great methods to recommend, but what works best for me is self-talk: trying to reason myself out of panic. Also, magnesium/B6/B12 supplements.

OP. Thank you. I know grass is greener and all, but a physician for a husband would be my dream scenario. My husband is also an optimist, but clueless and disinterested in all things medical- so it is cold comfort. Evenings are the worst. I try and listen to Michael Sealey’s guided meditation/Hypnosis on YouTube.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't have the best marriage, but my 60-year old husband is a stoic optimist, and I do try to emulate his attitude vis-a-vis waiting for potentially distressing news, health-related or not. He waits, and usually expects a good outcome, and even if he thinks it will be bad news, somehow it doesn't distress him too much. For someone like me with health-related anxiety, it's a great example. He's a doctor, and manages the care of his 85 year old mother in an advanced stage of Parkinson's, where there are no good options anymore. Perhaps knowing the range of possibilities as a trained medical professional gives him a healthier perspective.

Stay strong, OP. I don't have great methods to recommend, but what works best for me is self-talk: trying to reason myself out of panic. Also, magnesium/B6/B12 supplements.

OP. Thank you. I know grass is greener and all, but a physician for a husband would be my dream scenario. My husband is also an optimist, but clueless and disinterested in all things medical- so it is cold comfort. Evenings are the worst. I try and listen to Michael Sealey’s guided meditation/Hypnosis on YouTube.

*uninterested

[Anonymous]

Im afraid i’ll live too long. It’s not just the fear of not being/ getting sickly. The world us getting too fast oriented to keep up, I dont want to live past 85.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, try some CBD tincture. It gently takes the edge off and helps me sleep. I use several drops under tongue for a minute nightly.